Thursday, May 31, 2012

May 2012: What? Why? How?

May 2012 would be over in a few hours but there are questions it failed to answer and hopefully June 2012 would do justice to them.

• What will be the outcome of this Fulani babe I'm dating?

• Who predicted Chelsea FC would win the UEFA Champions League?

• Why the f*ck did Jonathan decide to rename the iconic University of Lagos to Moshood Abiola University?, will the name be reverted?

These are not questions but...

RIP Adam Yauch. It's becoming a monthly occurrence for a high profile celebrity to die.

Syria needs the world's attention.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Facebook Status by Ademola Adesina


This piece might be construed as homophobic by some, hypocritical by others – trust me it's neither, keep an open mind. It may not go down well with those that are willing to be politically correct in an age where rear-covering and being PC are the general way to go. I may also be willingly and unknowingly providing my future political opponents with ammo (if I ever get to the point of contesting for public office), but so be it. This has got to be put out there from a new perspective.
A Facebook Post and my rights as a (potential) parent.

I have always seen myself as a potential trouble maker, and that self-perspective was put to the test recently. I put up an innocuous status update on my Facebook profile which read: 'God in heaven knows, my children can't be two things, spoilt brats or gay!!! Old school parenting (confirmed ass whooping) will sort them straight!!!

True to form, my Facebook friends start liking and commenting, some (jokingly) wishing me gay offspring etc. But then a particular comment catches my eye, a link to a picture from a friend (Alan) asking me why I am against LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transsexual) rights with some of the captions reading "My friends parents sent her away", "I found death threats in my locker", "My school won't let me bring my date to the prom", and my personal favorite "My dad tried to beat it out of me" – which I suspect was directly aimed at me in response to my status update. Now, I'm going to be pissing a lot of people off by saying I've been harassed by people of a different sexual orientation for a very long time, and I haven't gone creating pity parties like the picture in question. And it's not because I'm ashamed of it – on the contrary, I am kind of proud of it cause I know that my sex appeal cuts across both sexes.

I'm hoping I'm going to be a parent, and I'm hoping I'm going to be responsible for the decisions my children will make to a certain stage of their lives, so excuse me for saying I'm hoping to play an active part in the formation of the personalities (as well as the sexual orientation) of my children because we've come to the point of media acceptance (TV shows, newspaper columns, movements etc.) of LGBT rights in the US and some countries. And my question is this, if it were so generally accepted, why is it still an issue with the larger society in most countries? It almost feels as if the general population is being told to accept an uncomfortable phenomenon because it is one growing in popularity. But then, we should be able to choose where we stand shouldn't we? And not be herded into a no-contest acceptance by induction of guilt or for being on the winning/losing side of an uncomfortable argument.

I know a few gay people and I know this – none of them were born gay. A lot of the time, quite a few of their friends act defensively (albeit in very irrational and unnecessary ways) about their sexual orientation – I'm not saying don't be a rebel, at least be one with a cause that you can validate on an intellectual (not emotional) level. Comments like "you are on the wrong team", "you know where you belong", "give it a try, it feels good", have been peddled my way, and I'm like "I'm not trying to convince you of being heterosexual, why are you trying to get me to be LGBT?" I have been approached (more than the average guy, mind you) by someone (usually male) whose sexual orientation isn't the same as mine. Right from the tender age of 10 (yes age 10, and please don't ask for the details), all the way to my adult life (yes, for some reason I'm still a target), and I still wonder, why do we all bother to try and validate
our personalities for the larger society's approval? Answer – to gain acceptance! It's easier to function in a society you are accepted in.
From my perspective, status update and Alan's comment, here's the major issue at hand – the role of parenting and mass media in the formation of human personality and sexuality. I grew up in the TV/internet age, and there is nothing that I have not seen and come to accept, except the concept of letting my children be raised by the society (mass media, church, peer groups, corporate) more than me. It is that simple!!!! For me, allowing political debates, after school specials, TV shows, friends with the latest fads and Lady Gaga songs determine what I think is right, ergo how I raise my child means that I'm neglecting my roles as a parent.

LGBT people have rights, same as heterosexuals – agreed. As a potential parent, I have rights too – now the extent of those rights is debatable according to the LGBT rights debate – especially around the grey area of parental influence on sexuality. I believe it's just bad parenting to allow my child's sexuality or personality be determined by social learning, peer pressure and a Lady Gaga video than by good old observational learning, reinforcement and punishment (by my kids listening to their McDaddy please their mom's booty till they blush at the dinner table!!!!). And I have to say, a good hiding is a necessary part of parenting – hello world it's called negative reinforcement, or more bluntly – PUNISHMENT, and it works wonders for the both the body of the parent (it's a serious cardio workout), as well as the mind of the parent and the child – at least in the society I was raised in.

So, this is to all my LGBT friends, you can have your sexual orientation reinforced by as many Huffington Post, NY Time columns, presidential debates and rallies as you want, I'll read, watch and accept them, without breaking a sweat. Fair enough. But pending the time my child is no longer under my jurisdiction (read as the reaching the legal age of consent – which is a very grey area in parenting in most African societies) or till my society fully (no caveats) fully accepts LGBT as a part of its culture, I intend to play an active role (not substituted by mass, traditional or new media) in raising my child. I will as such not be apologetic for beating some traditional African values (inclusive of being heterosexual and hardworking) into my child. But if my child does decide to be LGBT (after the age of consent), so be it, but I will not be told how to raise my child by people that were raised by the mass media and on politically correct or incorrect
discussions. And most importantly, I will not be apologetic for being heterosexual, having core values and giving a damn about my sexuality, the social acceptance and functioning of my future child(ren), especially where my culture and society is considered. I will not be apologetic for raising a child that I hope will function properly and achieve acceptance in his primary society (mine, and not one across the atlantic).

Call me a hypocrite, I don't care. I know and respect gay people and their rights (as impossible as that might seem). I can live with that. But while I am a progressive (even though you may doubt it, while you are judging me), I maintain my right to raise and prep my child for his/her society first, then the global one second. Who knows, if the Nigerian society evolves to accepting LGBT rights in 20 years or less, then maybe my position will change (never on the hardworking one though – no one gets a trust fund or free ride from daddy. Hear that kids, I'm giving it all to charity!!!) on raising my child with less influence on sexual orientation determination. Until then, the Facebook status remains the status quo.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

One Foot

'One Foot' is a song by my favourite new band fun from the album 'Some Nights'. The lyrics spoke about what I had in mind to write about...decided to post the lyrics instead. Such a beauty if you know the meaning.

I'm standing in [Lagos] just waiting for something to happen
I can't help but look
Thinking that everyone doesn't get it
To my left is a window
Where did I go?
My reflection just blends into rows of clothes
And bad ideas but ideas nonetheless

So I'll put one foot in front of the other one
I don't need a new love or a new life
Just a better place to die
I'll put one foot in front of the other one
I don't need a new love or a new life
Just a better place to die

I happened to stumble upon a chapel last night
And I can't help but back up
When I think of what happens inside
I got friends locked in boxes
That's no way to live
What you're calling a sin isn't up to them
After all, I thought we were all your children
But I will die for my own sins, thanks a lot
We'll rise up ourselves
Thanks for nothing at all
So up off the ground
Our forefathers are nothing but dust now

I'll put one foot in front of the other one
I don't need a new love or a new life
Just a better place to die
I'll put one foot in front of the other one
I don't need a new love or a new life
Just a better place to die

Maybe I should learn to shut my mouth
I am [almost] twenty-five
And I can't make a name for myself
Some nights I break down and cry
I'm lucky that my [mother's] still alive
[She's] been fighting all [her] life
And this is all I've ever known
May [her] soul live on forever in my song

I'll put one foot in front of the other one
I don't need a new love or a new life
Just a better place to die
I'll put one foot in front of the other one
I don't need a new love or a new life
Just a better place to die

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Females, Size and Sexy Are Inversely Related

I know a lot of people might tag me as insensitive after reading this, but try to read this piece as an advice column. What I'm telling females is that your body size and sexiness are inversely related. What that means is, the fatter your are the lesser your level of sexiness and vice versa. That does not mean the skinny girls were the most sexy, like all curves, there is an equilibrium usually at the middle.

I know plus size females might opt for denial and say it was my opinion. Yea, it is my opinion and I am right. I had sex all kinds, types, shapes, of girls and I realised plus sized girls were the most difficult to be with. First of all, there was a very limited sexual position you could attempt with them. Flip through the Kamasutra and tell me how many positions you could use to fuck a plus size female [without breaking your back].

Another reason was plus size girls were not easy on the eyes. If you had two guys you had to choose which one had the best appearance, one wore a rumpled shirt and the other was ironed, you would likely choose the later. Now, plus size females with their stretched marks and all were like the guy with the rumpled shirt. Everyone wants a smooth skin [just like shirts]. Plus size females had stretch marks plus folds.

Every time I fucked a plus size babe, there would be seconds I asked myself, "Ade, what the fuck are your fucking?" There were times I would be confused if I was in/out. Believe me, that shit happens. Fat girls are most likely not to have a tight pussy. I don't know why. I do not few that don't have sex a lot but fucking 'em was like a freeway. 

You know this feeling when you walk into your room and a girl is lying naked, waiting for you to pounce on her. That image is gory if you walked in and it was a plus size babe saying "Hey Baby". I was in that situation once, I walked in and I was confused.  Confused in the sense that I had no idea how her body parts were arranged. For the first few seconds, one of her boobs looked like the head and the fat surrounding the arm looked like the neck. It was as if someone chopped off her body parts and dumped 'em in my bed.

I am not trying to diss any plus size babe, I mean, I had a lot as friends but I am telling you to do something about it before you make yourself completely attractive. Sure, clothes can hide them but you don't fuck in them. The guy that will, probably husband/boyfriend, will definitely not look forward to that. He would want to have sex in the dark and make up an excuse like it was more romantic. If you were a guy that liked eating pussy...good luck with a plus size babe.

Every plus size babe rationalize and blame the media. That the media feed us with misconceptions on what was sexy/acceptable and all that ish, fuck that shit. The media had nothing to play in this. You can deny all you want but the media only feed on general consensus ignoring the least popular opinion/views. The idea would have been accepted by the masses and the media display it for all to see. For example, you upload a video on Youtube where your dance moves were displayed. Next few hours you had a million views and those million people begin to dance your moves. That would be the point the media would feast on that because it had been established people relate with it.

That was the same with plus size babes. Over the years, our mind have been made up on what the media portray about plus size babes today. This view was also constructed from the self image plus size babe had. Don't Blame the Media, Blame the Babe.

Monday, May 21, 2012

LadyNgo, Here Are Your Answers

LadyNgo asked 11 questions which I have to answer here. Usually I don't do this but it's because of you o!

1 Whats the last book you read? I can't remember the title. Truth is I am not a fan of picking up books to read, it bores me. If the author wasn't Dan Brown, there was high probability I would drop the book after the first page.

2 If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be? "Heaven" by Live. It would be a plus if I could watch the video.

3 What countries have you visited (other than your country of birth)? England.

4 If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? A top Disney executive.

5 Why do you blog? To have something interesting to read when I am older.

6 How old are you? 24

7 What is your favorite body part on the opposite sex? The hair...on the head. (I don't know if that count as a body part). If not I'll go with the fingers.

8 When's the last time you had relations? Can't remember. Females had been my greatest source of boredom lately.

9 What is your least favorite food? The question is contradictory.

10 Do you have any pets? No, but if I did she would also be known as 'girlfriend'.

11 whats one thing you've been dying to tell me? Nothing...but it would be nice if you could lose some pounds.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Post #200

[Any] or Nothing // A Regular Lie // Somewhere In the Past // The Dress // Her Love, is Like Nepa // Too Close For Comfort // Lust; Love Lost 1 // Postinor 1 (Prequel to 'The Morning-After') // Faith versus Wishful Thinking // The Morning- After (pt.. 2 of Postinor) // Elements of the Best Pick-up Line: Creativity // Mosque No Get Choir: What Will Jesus Do? // What's In a Miracle Without Jazz? // No One Man Should Have All That Power // Pursuit of Happiness // Cock Teasers & Blue Balls (Prequel to 'The Player With The First Team Shirt') // Ade Soundtrack of [2010] // Santa Claus the Maga: A Christmas Tale (pt. 1) // Santa Claus the Maga: A Christmas Tale (pt. 2 Concluding) // 25th of December, 2010 // 525,600 Minutes // Ojota: The Power of Humour // I'm on my Way // Who Knows Ella? // Welcome To Graduation // You Can Always COUNT On You // Thief Na Thief // Someone's Daughter... My Daughter // Is To Have Had and Lost Better Than Not Having At All? // African Infant Precocity... Blame Your Parents // How to GIVE EXCUSES and NOT CHOCOLATES This Valentine // The Player With The First Team Shirt // When a Girl Goes Sharon Stone On You // The Most Romantic Story...I've Read // My Relationship Vitae (RV) // ...And I Said Nothing // INVESTORS NEEDED: Sex In A Can // All Hail The Thief...No Time For Iranu // Guy, Airtel is giving free...Mtshew! Abeg, let me hear word // Float On, When You are Out of Plans // KJ Jelly The Disvirginator // What Women Want Pt. 1 // If You Ask Me // Inspector Facebook // That Selfish Love // Dele Momodu: The Man With Hardcore Grassroot Swagz // Life Cycle of A Product: Females // The Power of An Ex // The Service // Thanks, To ALL My Childhood Haters // Congratulations // Buka Pt. 1: N50 rice, N30 Beans, N40 Plaintain, 2 Pomo and 3 beef // Buka Pt. 2: N5,000 for N150 // Buka Pt. 3: This is the final Part // I Need Me A Super Duper Injunction // Live Your Life: 5 Death-bed Regrets // Dr. Death Died: Jack Kevorkian // I 'Just' Lost It Last Month // A Child Soldier Will: Johnny Mad Dog // I am Allergic To Broke Girls // Birth Contro Pills For Men...Finally // Fly Kick For My Fly Kicks // The Break Up: Based On Life Events // What if FOI Act Included Those in Relationships? // To Whom It May Concern // Why Complain When HAters Hate // Am I a Misogynist? // Talent Dey Waste // Don't Stop Believing // God Said I SHould Tell You "Blah Blah Blah..." // Poor Romantic Guy // Happy Birthday Bmars // Me // Never Say "Never Say Never" // Lasting Impression: Letter of Apology // Teenage Pregnancy // Couple's Palava // Mr. Biggs [was] 10 Now 25 // Worthless Kidnapped // Seriously, Who Voted for Goodluck (pt. 1 Atomic Energy) // A Slap Should Convince You // Gay Blood // Wrong Reasons To Commit In a Relationship // No Excuse Toilet // You Won't Understand If God Explained // Juju For Beginners // I Won't Mind Dying For You If It Meant We Would Live Together, Forever // When it Comes To Respecting Mums, Promiscious Girls Do It Better // LL Cool J BET Hip Hop Awards "I Am Hip-Hop Icon" Acceptance Speech // Letters To Juliet: Death of Romance // The Headmistress Granddaughter // Honour Among Hoes // Seriously, Who Voted For Goodluck? (pt. 2 Fuel Subsidy) // Ade Wrote A Love Song // The Boy With The Fake Ass English Accent // What A Wonderful Lie // Dancing Nude for a Blind Man/Love Responsibly // Hello...Too Much Info // You KNow The Problem, SO What's The Problem // Last Name Ever, First Name Greatest // Mr. & Mrs. // KevinWithAnL // Nag...NaG...nAg..NAg...nag...naG // Touch of My Hand // A Lannister Always Pays His Debts...and You Are Not A Lannister // Is It Possible For Me To Be Gay? // How To Annoy Your Boss // Kinky Love Triangle // Police is [Not] Your Friend // I'm a Marriage Virgin // WEMA Bank...Big, Strong, Re...oh! That's Union Bank // Beggar With A Swag // Sack Letter...Original Collected By Me // Survival of the Fittest...Fitting Into The Crowd // Appendix Friends // Benefit of Benefit of The Doubt //  It's My Party & I'll Write If I Want To // RIP* Kim Jong-il [*p stands for purgatory] // Ade Soundtrack of 2011 // Fat Detected...Please Step Back // Santa and the Hollywood Haram: Another Christmas Tale // The Chicken That Survived Christmas // 2012: If Not Now, When? // Seriously, Who Voted for Goodluck? (Pt. 3 Definitely Not Me) // Superficial Me // #OccupyNigera...Just Being Insensitive // Abusing Rape // Beware of the Rise of the Miracle Jeans // Glory: Blue Ivy Carter // Any Means to an End // Albino // Subsidy Adjustment Programme {SAP} // How To Stop Being A Nigerian // Sterlin' Bank...the One Customer [Only] Bank // Child's Play // The $1000 Theme Song // Most Expensive Facebook Page/ National Sports Commission Nigeria // January 2012: What? Why? How? // Tito // Bitch You Are Selfish // All This And Heaven // You Are Only a Girlfriend, Don't get Carried Away With The Title: The Definition // Blackberry Porsche: An Expensive Phone for the Working Class // Antithesis // Grammy of the [year] // RE: Grammy of the [year] // A Song For Everyone // The Engineer // One Year Gone: Deji Sonoiki // Put The Blame On The Cameraman // After All This Time/ TuFace Annie // Iya Titi's Family Business // How I Met Your Mother // When NYSC Posting F*cks You Up // February 2012: What? Why? How? // Rong Radio // This Is Punishment/ Mr. & Mrs. Sexy Maid // Being a Father...A Good Father // Last Nigeria Virgin [pt. 1 Green Rose] // Last Nigeria Virgin [pt. 2 Red Rose] // Osaze Osifo and the Other Guy With Certificates // Daughters of Eve in "Art Attack" // [Not] Wanking In Vain // The [D] Project: [Any] Needs A Favour (pt. 1 of 13) // The [D] Project: This is [D] (pt. 2 of 13) // What is Beauty? // The [D] Project: Adventure of a Homeless Girl (pt. 3 of 13) // March 2012: What? Why? How? // The [D] Project: You Can Only Lie With Words (pt. 4 of 13) // The [D] Project: Some People Don't Want To Be Happy ( pt. 5 of 13) // The [D] Project: Our Skin, Our History (pt. 6 of 13) // The [D] Project: Pot Calling Kettle Black (pt. 7 of 13) // By Their Bus stops Ye Shall Know Them // Call It Off // Stick It Up The Ass // Ladies, Welcome To The Friend Zone // Nigerians With Their Statistics // Who Is Your Papa? // That, I Will Never Do // The [D] Project: Will You Marry You? (pt. 8 of 13) // Ability To Work Under Pressure... // The Last Illeterate Literate Bus stop // I Met Michael Jockson // The [D] Project: The Date (pt. 9 of 13) // Suits In Boots // MAXIMUM PROTECTION // Seriously, Who Voted for Goodluck? (pt. 4, Headlines' Screen grabs of Jonathan Condemning) // My Sexy. Body // What's The Use of a Pet? // April 2012: What? Why? How? // What School Won't Teach: How to open a Bottle of Star Beer // The [D] Project: Time To Go (pt. 10 of 13) // The [D] Project: REALLY, Time To Go (pt. 11 of 13) // The [D] Project: You Can't Please Anyone (pt. 12 of 13) // The [D] Project: The END (pt. 13 of 13) // When You Have To Believe in Faith or a Man/ Chelsea FC UCL // Attachment Parenting...So That's What It's Called // SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: No More "Buy Me Credit" // Sons of Men // My Name is Ade, What's Yours? // Post #200.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

My Name is Ade, What's Yours?

I have heard some names that made me ask, "What the hell was the parent thinking?" It felt like they want the child to be mocked as long as she/he lived by giving a name easy to make fun of. I'm not referring to names that the pronunciation had an alternate meaning in another language, but names that were stupid in every language.

So, my name is Ade, what's yours? A man had always wanted a male child, despite 5 girls, he wanted a boy. The guy that would be just like him. His wife finally delivered a baby with a dick and you bet the naming ceremony was the shit. Everyone ate, drank, and probably went home to make babies BUT as if the MC wasn't humorous enough, the father decided to drop the punchline which would be the boy's name. He begun with a speech of how he had always wanted a boy blah blah blah and named him...are you ready, Sixtus (even my system underlined the name with red as if it was an error). I know we've had Popes with such name but...I mean, Sixtus. I can't imagine the guy being called by his future girlfriend, "My boyfriend's name is Sixtus". I thought his middle name would redeem him, the family added Chikwado. Chikwado Sixtus or Sixtus Chikwado, damn.

There were more outrageous name I've heard. There was a babe whose name was Amicable. Another was Golden. Let's not forget the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...Sunday names. Then names like Thank God, Amen...

Anyway, I bet we couldn't beat the west when it comes to fucked up names especially celebrities. They give names like Ivy Blue (Jay-Z/Beyonce), Destry (Spielberg), Buddy Bear (Jamie Oliver)....and these other names I saw online.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Sons of Men

I wrote my first book in 2006, bet you didn't know that. I came up with the idea after I was done with secondary school. I was bored stiff sitting at home and decided to something I hadn't done. I hate reading novels and so I decided to write one...the kind of book I would love to read. In 2 weeks I completed it. I titled it "Sons of Men".

The excitement was new to me, I had no idea how it was going to end and I grew attached to the characters. I even named one after myself. I wasn't interested in getting published initially, I didn't even know what that was. I just wanted people to read it. I wrote the Prologue on forum then and I received a warning email. Users weren't allowed to write copyrighted materials on the site. I thought my grammar should have given me away it was mine, and I was an amateur. That felt like an award to me, because someone thought it was from an accomplished writer.

Anyway, I stumbled upon the Prologue and decided to share it with you, unedited...


In this life there are people,people just like you and i with different beliefs,hopes and fears.

There are people who believe that nature will forever remain at an equilibrium and that we are all controlled by her forces.Whenever man's activities on this earth is getting out of control,nature is forced to show who is in control.

Some are lost in the unending quest for knowledge,power and fictional immortality.These are poeple who believe that their destiny is in their own hands when it comes to how sucessful you are going to be in this life.In order to have,you have to learn how to have-not.

Some have found themselves with no place nor role in this world and desire to fill their void with whatever only them see fit.

Some believe that none of our action is based on our own free will but as a result of several decisions taken by others in our environment. Therefore no man should be held responsible for his actions either good or bad because it is directly or indirectly based on influence by others.

Some also do not believe in the presence of super natural forces and are in support of scientific evolution of man.Every man must cater for themselves because every man is for himself.

All these people have to seek and fulfill their quest in this life whatever that is.But no matter how different and unequal men see themselves one thing remains a fact,and that is all men are born of men.The similarity that we all share in this life is that we are all SONS OF MEN.The focus is now what happens when these Sons Of Men collide.

Monday, May 14, 2012


On this day, Monday 14th of May, 2012 I decided to make this announcement out of my own volition. I wasn’t coerced, intimidated, or blackmailed to make this decision. Without prejudice, I decided to no longer purchase call credit/top-ups or any fund that would be used by the opposite sex to acquire such. Why? They fucking don’t deserve it [most of the time].

I grew up believing money never gets the girl’s emotions only her attention. With that in mind I cautioned myself spending on girls but I somehow found myself buying call credit for girls constantly. I had spent N5,000 in 3 days buying credit for girls and the fucked up part was I wasn’t dating any. Most of the time I buy ‘em just to make them stop flashing my phone. 

Out of all expenses, phone bill should be the cheapest. If it isn’t to you then you must be broke so you do not count. So I am surprised why a girl would call a guy for credit, especially when she had a N30,000 hair extensions on her hair. I remember Abby, she was one of those girls that acted like she didn’t need a man in her life, like she was self-sufficient. I was with a friend when I asked her why she had not subscribed to her Blackberry Internet Service (BIS), this babe told me she would do so that evening. Her excuse was she had been preoccupied with other things. That evening the babe sent me a text requesting I pay for her. “Hell No!” I couldn’t blame her, after all, I dropped N3,000 for her to pay for the previous month without her asking. She wanted to turn me to that guy whose friendship with her would be based on that. Now, she subscribes every 2 months and I’m happy for her.

A friend of mine bought MTN call credit for a girl he was hitting on; she called him back to thank him with a GLO line.  Who was she reserving the MTN credit for? Acts like that are irrational. A chic I buy credit for ‘cause I knew her situation called me recently to question why I don’t call her regularly. I also paid for her BIS subscription like it was my tithe and yet, she was making an issue out of not calling.

To all those girls and the future ones, I have pressed the red button on my phone. To be honest, it isn't about the money but no one likes the feeling of being cheated. In such situations, the millions you had in your account equaled a cent someone played you for a fool to get.

Anyway, that’s my announcement. I know girls would still ask but thank God I was raised on how to say, “Hell No” with a smile on my face.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Attachment Parenting...So That's What It's Called

First time I saw the US cover page of Time Magazine [above] my course-mate back in the University of Lagos came to mind. The picture was all about Attachment Parenting which was purely a cultural issue. If I should reason autonomously from the culture of I was raised in, I would perceived nothing wrong with a mum breastfeeding her son up to the age of 4. What I do see wrong was if he wasn't successfully weaned and it continued to like age, 14. What I would see wrong was not the act but the implications.

It would make the boy purely dependent on the mum and it could grow to a sexual one. At age 4 he was getting milk from his mother's breast, at age 14 he would be sucking his mother's boobs. AND they would probably start fucking, it happens. 

I'm not bothered about Attachment Parenting or issues like this, I am not Myne Whitman. Like I said earlier, the picture reminded me of someone I knew and I believed he was raised such way. It was good for a guy to admire his mum but not to an extent of implying you would love to marry your mum. This guy compared every girl to his mum and uses words that should be in sentences with someone you were fucking.

I know some people might feel, it can't be that bad or there was nothing wrong, but how do feel if you were a guy with your friends and hanging out hot babes. All of sudden a macho guy said, "I miss my mum, I feel like hugging my mum, my mum is the best." 

Freud would relate it to his concept of Oedipus complex: every boy's tendency to fuck the mum during childhood. I believe attachment parenting would boost the possibility of that happening.

BUT, if Rihanna was my adopted mother she should feel free to attach to me all she wants and I would be the best MILF there ever was.

Friday, May 11, 2012

When You Have To believe in Faith or a Man/ Chelsea FC UCL

Becoming religious in the time of need isn't a surprise. I interpret it as the first step of admitting one was helpless in a particular situation. It was a situation of raising the white flag after personal effort and looking up to the sky saying, "God Almighty, it's up to you now".

There are also situations individuals had to believe in the faith of others, usually a friend they trusted. You might be panicking in a situation and your friend says, "Relax, don't worry, I got it under control". Because you have no other feasible option you go with the flow. I've been in such situations, when I had to depend on others to get things done because I believed I couldn't do it on my own. I've come to realise that most times it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be, it was as if sometimes, I placed my faith in others to delay the buy time disregarding my faith and to accept my fate.

I once wrote about Faith versus Wishful Thinking which you have to read if you had not. One idea I pointed out was we never really know if what we had was Faith or mere Wishful Thinking until the final outcome. When it was too late to keep having faith [sic]. For instance, you kept faith that your dog won't die after an accident and it did. That's the end of it, unless you come up with a new one that your dog would resurrect, like I said, that might be to delay the inevitable.

What prompted this post might not be relevant/serious to you, but, I am a Chelsea FC fan [that should give you an idea why my room was called Stamford Bridge] and the UEFA Champions League (UCL) is the biggest annual football event in the world. For those of you who don't know, Chelsea FC is playing in the UCL final against Bayen Munich on Saturday, the 19th of May 2012, in this stadium... Germany, on a pitch Bayern Munich players were familiar with. Considering disciplinary issues from both teams on the road to the final, it seems Bayern would win it. Also Chelsea would be without the Captain, John Terry.

Now, Prophet T. B. Joshua said Chelsea FC would win the UCL 20121/2012. According to the media, he had predicted correctly football events and this might be no exception. This was the same man recognised by the Cameroon government as "an agent of the devil" because of his "miracles".

I never believed in this guy's miracles but something wants me to believe him on this one and it might be I was just postponing the inevitable, personally I believe Chelsea FC had a higher percentage of losing. The remained the underdogs from the quarterfinal stage. I have to admit T. B. Joshua's prophecy makes looking forward to the final easier. If Chelsea FC lift the UCL trophy I would be excited, no doubt, BUT will not give the credit to T. B. Joshua, after all, he only said the team would win with no specifics. I would regard it as a lucky guess. IF Chelsea FC lose the final...I would dedicate the an article trashing all those so-called men of God that perform 'miracles'. From Dr. Fireman to...they know themselves.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The [D] Project: The END (pt. 13 of 13)

Part 7: Pot Calling Kettle Black

Part 8: Will You Marry You? 

Part 9: The Date

Part 10: Time To Go 

Part 11: REALLY, Time To Go

Part 12: You Can't Please Anyone

It had been over 8 months I saw [D] so I decided to check her Facebook updates to know what's up. Well, she's married according to Facebook. I don't believe that one bit because there were no picture. Someone like her would splash the pictures everywhere instead of only updating her relationship to 'Married' status.

I did notice she had Francis pictures on her profile page. I remember she once deleted them after their last fight. I see that as a sign there were back together, after all, she had to get married this year and he was still the most likely candidate.

During her stay with me, [D] had shared with me her dreams of a musical career. I told her the best she could do was to sing backup which she interpreted as an insult. Anyway, she did sing backup for one of my guys. I decided to upload the song. Hope you like the song, you should.

That's the End of the [D] Project, end of a chapter in my life.

Friday, May 4, 2012

The [D] Project: You Can't Please Anyone (pt. 12 of 13)

Part 7: Pot Calling Kettle Black
Part 8: Will You Marry You? 

Part 9: The Date

Part 10: Time To Go 
Part 11: REALLY, Time To Go 

[D]'s grandfather died and she had to travel to her hometown. The family decided to bury the guy few days after his death. She had to leave unexpectedly for a week and I saw it as a set back knowing she would only travel to return to my room. I would have preferred if she had sorted her accommodation issue out before the trip. The morning she was to leave my friend called me, the guy that was willing to drop the keys to his place for her to stay. He returned earlier than expected and said we could come over to pick up the keys. In my mind...I was like "Perfect Timing". 

[D] was packing some items she wanted to take with her to her hometown when I told her. I expected her to be excited but it was far from it, she changed it to something else. She said I must be glad I was getting rid of her and should confess I had wanted her to leave from the first day I saw her. I had to let her know whatever I felt didn't matter as long as my actions didn't say that. She didn't lack food, neither did I call her names nor disrespect her. Let’s be honest, I wasn’t nice all the time and that was just being real. On top of that I wasn't pushing her out on the streets, I got a place for her to stay for free in Lagos. She could use the reminder of the N100,000 for sanitary pad for all I care. I had to make her understand she should see it as an early Christmas gift, getting a full furnished apartment for free in Lagos and it wasn’t from a relative/boyfriend. Before she travelled we reached an agreement. She would move into the place I got after she returned from her grand dad burial because honestly, I craved for my space.

Now, there is a trait I have, I am inquisitive. I also have this instinct that makes me take actions I had no idea why, only for me to realise in future it was best for me. I decided to check out [D]'s Facebook wall. We weren't friends neither did we have any mutual friend but something urged me to check it while she was away in Delta state for the burial. I knew her name and hoped that was what she used for her username. I recognised her face on her profile picture. I read the last update on her wall...

"Am sick of human beings,life is ok cos I said so,imagine the place am staying,d guy dere is makin advances n trying 2 harrase me sexually,imagine,I need a house in lagos,although I dnt v d money but I need 2 see d house 1st"

Two minutes lated she updated her Facebook wall as if she wasn't getting the desired response...

"I hate it wen som pple feel u are d only 1 facin trials n v issues,cos I v my pAins n problems 2,notin is worse dan bin a girl n dnt a place of ur own n guys are tryin 2 harrase you cos you are stayin in deir fAmily house."

The first action I took was to save the message on my phone and sent it to her friend, [Any]. I also sent it to [D] with a caption, "this is why you will no longer stay with me. When you get back to Lagos, pack your stuffs and get the f*ck out of my house".


[D] was a girl I allowed to stay in my house despite the fact that I didn't know her. We didn't even have mutual friends on Facebook (so you should know what that meant). The only link was a girl who claimed [D] was her friend, [Any]. A friend I later found out she didn't know her that well except their beds were close during their stay 3 weeks stay in NYSC camp. During her stay with me her friend didn't show up once. She didn't even drop by to see how she was coping or was present for the introduction, despite her house was close to mine. Like I said, I wasn't surprised because I knew [Any] to be that selfish and heartless. Not once did she call me to know how her friend was coping...she just took everything for granted. So when I found out [D] wrote trash on Facebook about "trying to harass her" I knew she was referring to me. I would have ignored but I knew the mentality [D] had. She had so many stories about guys trying to rape her and I wouldn’t want to be part of the statistics considering the future I plan to have.

I had to let [Any] know because I wanted to kick her out. That way, if anything happened to her [Any] won't list my place as her last known address. I was just being carefully. The least [Any] could have done was to shut up and keep silent as she had done during [D]'s entire stay. I slept/woke up and found insults on my phone from [Any}.

It was as if [Any] took her time to compose insults. She began with left over insults from the university to [D]'s issue. There was no degrading word she didn’t use to describe me and said may God touch my heart. That was one point in my life I felt abused because a selfless act was rewarded with curses. I was dumbfounded because I wasn't expecting her to comment. I felt the message was self explanatory and her silence all the while [D] was at my place to continue. I have to say at this point, out of all the girls I knew that saw the message, only [Any] thought I harassed her, other girls laughed it off.

It really got me thinking and my conclusion was you can please ANYONE. This was a girl I fed in my house and not once did I make her feel uncomfortable. Days that I wasn't around she walked into the kitchen to prepare food. She was comfortable enough to have male visitors and invited a guy into my room. 

I knew why she wrote that, she wanted attention, and money. That was when I realised that was how [Any] got to know about her plight in the first place. Anytime she was in a fix, she would broadcast it for everyone to see with the hope someone responded. [Any] wasn’t her last hope in getting accommodation, she was the one stupid enough to respond and I was the one to carry the cross.

Now, her so-called friend who knew sh!t about her decided to use that as an opportunity to diss me. I told her (and I fucking mean it). If she doesn't apologise I would f*ck her up. I know me; I don't have to have it in my mind. An opportunity would present itself and even if all I have to do was to sh!t on her to heal her of a terminal illness, I will rather sh!t and eat it in her face. I'm nice, but if you cross the line I let you know. If you continue to prove stubborn them it's on. Because I'm never too proud to apologise.

[D] avoided coming to my place when she returned and that only showed guilt. She finally showed up with a guy two weeks after she got to Lagos. I'm sure she must have told the guy I was the one trying to harass her. I had nothing to tell her and she had nothing to say. It was an experience that taught me a valuable lesson.

[Any] on the other hand only wanted to know anything sexual happened [D] and I, like that was the most important part of the story, BITCH.