Thursday, March 8, 2012

Being a Father...a Good Father

Being a young unmarried guy (with prospects), it was expected to have ladies that would see that as a reason to have a (committed) relationship with me. From the second I say "hello", they relate with me as a potential husband. Fact is everyone can become a wife/husband BUT not just anyone can become a good wife/husband. People say marriage starts when the wedding ends and I believe that, most especially raising a family. You begin to deal with issues greater than your wife being a great cook or not. You begin to deal with issues that contradicted what you liked. For instance, females who desired outgoing guys as a boyfriend would seek the opposite. They wouldn’t mind the husband staying indoors as much as possible as long as he was providing financially.

I worked in an organization where my colleagues were older, married, and had kids my age and that put me in a position to learn. I observed how they combined family and work and all I can say is that was effing difficult. One of the things I noticed was how their children made demands regardless of the financial/emotional state of their parents. I see men who looked relieved when their phone rang and it was the Boss on the line and not their wives/children. You could feel their excitement and their punctuality to work only showed how eager they were to leave their homes. I asked myself, is this the life I want for myself? No!

I had noticed money was the key factor in raising a family and it was hardly enough even if you were a manager. Imagine this situation; your child says he wants to write a professional exam, ACCA. You could easily enroll in institutions here in Nigeria to preparation and sit for the exam. But the child tells you he wants to attend classes at the London School of Business (LSB) in Canada and sit for the exam there. The total cost of that exam now run into millions. The child some how believes "daddy can easily afford it" but I work with him and I know sh!t like that was killing him. Kids would never learn these stuffs and most of them tend to exaggerate their parents’ financial worth.

A good wife definitely makes the difference and I had to admit, a good wife was scarce. Don’t get me wrong, being a bad wife didn’t mean you were a bad person, simply meant you lacked the basic requirements of a good life. Just like saying an individual wasn’t a good student, didn’t mean they were bad in other aspects of their lives. A lot of girls were leeches whose main focus was the wedding day, looking good, and the joy to say they were married. Fact, yea sue me, tell ‘em Ade said so.
A co-worker had the intention of opening a beer parlour for extra income to support his family. His wife was against it. Her point was the beer parlour would distract him from his job and make him inefficient at work. According to her, either his 9 to 5 job or the business would suffer (sounds selfless). She was surprised he had that amount of capital and made another suggestion. He should get her an expensive necklace she loved (sounds selfish). He got her the necklace and a week later he lost his job.

I know the kind of life I would love for my kids and I make that my top priority. Yea, my relationship life sucks but that is what I have to go through to find a good mother for them. I intentionally place them in odd situations and make tough decisions because that was what they would have to go through after “I do”. If I don’t find any then I won’t get married. This world wasn’t paradise. And don’t quote Genesis 1:28 to me, I have neighbours doing that every year. They should cover for me.


  1. i feel ur pain bro!

  2. Marriage isnt compulsory is it? I think you'd do fine as a cranky old bachelor ;)....I kid

    p.s. for every money grubbing wife (i.e. your colleague's wife) there are 10 penny pinching ones. just saying.

    1. As least I would live longer "as a cranky old bachelor".
      Where did you get your statistics on "10 penny pinching ones" from. I doubt it. How many girls would say she wanted a small inexpensive wedding to reduce cost. That's how you know a money grubbing wife. The put their needs first from the wedding day.

  3. I have a problem like that too. You start talking to a woman and she tells you about marriage in the next second. What happened to playing hard to get?