Sunday, December 8, 2013

I Have Made Enemies, but I Have Kept Friends

I believe it is only natural to introspect as the year runs to an end. A solemn view of how the year passed by, goals achieved and achieved goals [sic]. You know, how everything turned out.

2012/2013 comparative analysis couldn't be more satisfying. On a month by month basis I have grown. One is my job, as much as I can [honestly] admit it's unsatisfying, a three-something seven figures Naira [tax inclusive] package is rewarding for an entry level. It gives time to discover myself financially with a view of who I could become when I earn multiple that. I also see the true self of people around me. Money not only change the owner but friends as well.

So lot happened within the year and it's quite unfortunate I did not update frequently. By the way, remember [D]? <-- you can click there. She is now a mum...Hurray, she deliver September 22. She can finally get all the sex she wanted.

This year was crazy though. [Any] still will not talk to me and we boarded the same bus twice, back-to-back, and I didn't say a word. Maybe it was my loss. I cant believe the level of animosity that can make her not answer my call. Am I deserving of such negative...whatever.

The best quote to describe my year is "I have made enemies...but I have kept friends". Those we rolled together when I still had matriculation number are still here and that's all that matters. Oh well...lets' see what happens as we count down.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Girls Biggest and Most Common Lie

It is safe to say EVERYONE lie, "everyone" in this context refers to a significant number of the world's population. If a man says he doesn't lie, I believe most of us will interpret that as a lie. Reasons people lie? I have a piece on that already. This piece is about the biggest and most common lie by females. Guys hear it all the time because females tell 'em.
The first time I heard it I believed it. You know, it made me feel "special" like she really liked me. That was with Girl A. She came around to hang out, but some how our innocent conversation climaxed with sex.
Months later, something similar happened with Girl B and she said the same thing. Girl C to > Girl Z later, they all said the same thing. Was it included in the genetic make-up of girls to use those words.

In case you don't know what the lie is (which I doubt), it's "I don't usually do this". Yes, that is the highest and most common lie females tell.

I lost count of how many times a girl say "I don't usually do this", and it's ironic because they say it after they had done it and soooo well for that matter. A girl once gave me an orgasmic blow job, one worthy of awarding her a doctorate degree. She messed it up with those words and included "that's my first time of doing that".

Like seriously? So she slept, woke, and the gift of deepthroat was bestowed upon her.

Maybe I should give benefit of doubt. In all honesty, I usually don't do that.
It wasn't all about sex though, money also make 'em utter that lie. I met a girl as usual, she looked aiit and exchanged numbers. In few days time she opened up she needed money. She added, "I'm shy because I usually don't ask guys I hardly know for money". Seriously, isn't that stupid.

My word to girls, please take time out to delete that from your vocabulary because it's annoying and insulting to commonsense.

Maybe they were honest, they usually don't do it, they ALWAYS do it.

Warm regards

Sunday, November 3, 2013


I received the email below...even if I was silly enough to fall for it. They messed up on the "copyright".

Note: This is a service message regarding the GTB security system.

Dear GTB Customer,

This is an automatic message from GTB.

Starting from October 31 2013, Our bank introduces new authentication

procedures in order to better protect private information of our account holders.

Login Here:

Please note that accounts that are not reviewed within 12hrs are subject to termination.

To avoid service interruption follow the reference below to update your details

Follow Here:

We strongly advice you to prevent your account from being Terminated.

Thank You for Banking With Us,
Online Customer Services

© 2013 Copyright First Bank, Nigeria

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Please, Don't Sell Me Your Dream

There's an assumption successful people have regardless their field, and that's people perceived as less successful wants to be like them. That belief is also shared by "motivational speakers" who share the achievement of others with the purpose to make anyone believe "you could be like them".

I don't buy that though. My stand is don't sell me your dream or that of others 'cause I don't buy "copy and paste" means of being successful. Even successful people experience difficulty in achieving the same feat twice. Nas once said, "O, you went platinum, yeah, that's nice. Now let me see you do the same thing twice". So if duplicating success is difficult why do people think imitation is easy?

Take for instance, you read a cook book by Gordon Ramsay and believe you will be able to cook half as good might be misleading.

I said earlier, don't sell me your dream- I have mine. Don't tell me "do all these to be like me"... who says I want to be like you.

Take time to introspect and ask yourself, are you striving towards you OWN dream

Monday, October 28, 2013

Looking Forward to Suspension

I have a job that pays but I spend all my energy for each penny. Nothing comes for something I guess...not. What I believe is superiors want subordinate suffer to compensate for the shit they probably went through getting to the top.

I work hard and that has become an issue because whenever someone wants a task done, I'm called. So lately, I get so many tasks to be overwhelmed and the Ogas at the top know this but don't give a shit. I become inefficient at times.

The punch line is all the shit I do don't count as far as my appraisal was concerned. I should be sacked if my last appraisal was taken into consideration. Like a manager once said, headless chicken.

The manager was right. I spend most of my day on my superiors' work and not mine. The irony was the manager was inclusive to those who kept me busy with their work.

To decline was easy...if there was no consequence. Take for instance the day I was approaching Third Mainland Bridge traffic after work. The time was about 9:30pm and it began to rain. The day was tough as usual. I had spent that night to satisfy my supervisor with a report that she kept tweaking. By 9pm I was done, I gave her the report and placed them in an envelope. Finally, I was done...or so I thought. In about 30 minutes my phone began to ring. I answered to hear her screaming at the other end of the line. She wanted me to return to the office, prepare more reports and bring them to her house in Lekki. NOTE: I didn't even know her house. I told myself, this is your last day.

Minutes later I received a call from another superior who told me not to worry. That was how my ass was saved that day. Two days later something similar happened and my ass was once again saved.

This week, I expect something more outrageous and it will be evident I was fed up.

With my situation into consideration, a week suspension won't be bad. I need the time to rest even if it would affect my pay next month

Monday, October 21, 2013

Am Starting To Think...I Love You

This is why it's great not to delete notes, gifts... from flings or past relationships; it culminates to experiences you might forget. I stumbled on an old email I sent to someone, Morin Jessica, it was a poem titled "Am starting to think...I love you". It was sent Oct 25, 2007 at 2:53 PM .And to think I used the word love and do not remember the person. I checked her on Facebook and still doesn't look familiar.


I’m Starting to think…I love you

I'm starting to think I love you
So you ask why?
I'm going to tell you.
The way u make me feel...
is just so amazing.
How I can be so mad,
and still somehow...
you manage to make me happy.
The way I can be so pissed,
and yet you still make me giggle.
How I always think of you.
How I can never get you off my mind.
The way I can never get mad at you,
and if i did I would have to fake.
How my heart... skips a beat,
jumps, flips, turns,
does whatever it does.
The weird feeling I get...
the one that kinda hurts,
but makes me feel good.
The way I start to worry
even if it's just because your sick.
It's just so crazy.
That's why I'm starting to think I love you.

Monday, October 14, 2013

How Many Times is Too Much In Love?

I have male friends that claim to be in love every freaking time they meet a new chic. They usually describe a striking feature that made their decision to fall for 'em. It might be, "she's sooo intelligent", "she's very caring".

The outcome is a list of girls deceived about being in exclusive relationship with them.

I fell in love once, if what I felt is what they truly feel- I see a whole lot of husband cheat in the making.

Back to my question, shouldn't there be a limited number of times to fall in love? A fairy tale response won't be bad.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Kiss the Girl

My music playlist was on shuffle and a song that played from the queue was "Kiss the Girl", a theme song from Disney's The Little Mermaid. If you don't know the song, you could rebooth your childhood...I can never be too gangster to deny watching The Little Mermaid as a child. Just in case there's someone without an idea, the song was the soundtrack when Ariel (mermaid) made a deal with Ursula (witch) to have legs. That would give her the opportunity to walk on land and visit Eric (prince charming). Nothing comes from free, so Ariel traded her voice for legs and the spell could be only be broken if Ariel get to kiss the prince within 3 days. She spent 3 days in his castle, hanging out together, and failed to get that kiss.

Like seriously...kiss the girl? just kiss a crush within 3 days to break a spell. The setting of The Little Mermaid was in the period of Castles, Kings, and Queens so getting to kiss might be difficult. It was adapted from a book published in maybe. Nowadays, if the deal between Ariel and the Witch were to reoccur, the spell breaker might be to get pregnant for the prince. Even that might not be a challenge.

Kissing is like the norm...I have met girls and fast forward through all the bases within 24 hours, not to mention 3 whole days.

Disclaimer: I am not a ladies man.

The song made me remember the movie and how things have changed. Innocence is definitely for the ignorant. You can have sex without an idea of the person's name (and I'm not referring to prostitutes).

Anyway, as a consolation (hopefully) I have to point out a way we have evolved. Everything in the movie probably happened within a week, two week max. Within the short period, Ariel met and in the end married Eric...I'll assume we all know what (should) happen on wedding nights, right? Ariel was 16 years old.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

₦400 Million Target OR Resign...What a Temptation

I understand the importance of target in organisations to achieve goals. I am totally comfortable with that, except when such targets become bloated and appear unrealistic. Sure, with effort, sweat, and blood it can be achieve BUT why should one put herself/himself in constant exposure of that? The truth is, it's a serious rat race there's no end. I witnessed someone get promoted for surpassing assigned target only to be sacked in less than 4 months for not meeting the next target.

I found myself in such industry with outrageous targets. Targets that will emotionally drain an individual not strong enough. In the past 2 weeks all I thought of was an exit plan until one presented itself...produce ₦400m or resign, I have to admit the OFFER is tempting.

Yes, it's an offer and like I said VERY tempting because both options hold equal value.

There's the fear of uncertainty...what's out there? How will I cope? But if I lived my life with such vivid in my conscious, I probably won't be where I am.

So the offer stands till the end of September. I know there'll be insults, and probably suspension till then.
I know it's way too early to live my life like this and I welcome an exit plan.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Friday, August 16, 2013


I write with the belief you might read this and it all goes back to square one- where you totally ignore me. The reason isn't far-fetched and I regretfully attest to being spiteful in the past. I won't make any excuse to justify my actions, that's not why I write this, this is about one thing- I LOVE YOU and that's what matters.

Each day that pass without you strenghtens the possibility of your relationship with another man. My only comfort remains the fact no man can love you like I did/do/forever will (except Jesus Christ- that's just being real).

For a minute, please remember the experiences we had, it wasn't bad, was it? Remember when...and when... Remember the silly things I said that made you smile, those were real. I believe I showed potential to be a better man...I am now a better man. "My Psychology will not waste".

Please give me that opportunity to create new/better experiences, for you, for me, for us.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Are You Done Yet?

A friend was on his way to Akoka and I decided to tag along- home was a bit dull. I updated my status, something I rarely do, about my destination. In less than a minute my phone rang.
"Hello...blah blah blah, who's on the line?" I asked.
"It's me, Mercy a female voice responded.

I checked the caller ID, just the phone number. My delayed response informed her in time of my confusion.

"I'm Seun's friend" she added.

"Oh! How are you doing?"

"You are in my area, where exactly are you?"

A quick background about how I met the babe. A year ealier I was in a friend's place. A babe was on her way to his place. That babe was Seun. Seun came over with a friend, Mercy.
My friend needed quality time with Seun so I had to initiate conversation with Mercy- which I did well. In the end, I got some while my friend had dry balls.
I didn't see Mercy after that.

Back to the future: She invited me over and I visited. She talked about her boyfriend- how he misbehaved. I watched her lips move and out of concern I invited her over to my place.

She came over the following day with a friend, it wasn't Seun. I was home alone and no one around to keep the friend busy. We all chilled in Stamford Bridge and I needed her to chill know.
I called her out of my room and said I wanted to talk to Mercy. She was willing to sit alone in the living room...finally.

I expected Mercy to be uncomfortable because her friend could hear our soundtrack but na lie.

1000 thrusts later I stepped out to invite the friend in. Her opening statement was, "are you done yet?"
She said it like, I know what you guys were up to and don't stop on my account. Like...this wasn't the first time she would wait while her friend fucked.

I grew with the perception girls loved coded parole, but now it's clear that wasn't a key factor if they will f*ck you or not. They don't give a f*ck if your family was next door, that'll still f*ck you and not feel bad.

Mehn...maybe in the future sex tapes won't mean sh!t.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Unsung Nero

"You are nobody till somebody kills you" Notorious B.I.G. (un)fortunately he didn't end up as a nobody. His fate was the same as heroes past- death added a stamp of authenticity to their struggle and opposition faced. But it wasn't everyone killed for what they believed in that enjoy life after death. Some names get buried with the owners, however, what they fought for outlive 'em. I guess that's who we call unsung hero.

Now, the unsung Nero? I see 'em as those that die and we don't know sh!t about 'em. It came to me as I passed by a decapitated body on the bridge. I could not make up the body parts I saw not to mention identification. How it got there...that's up to CSI-like, BAU-like teams to answer, but fact is someone died/killed.

That was someone's brother or sister, father or mother...grandfather or grandmother. A fact is that person might never be identified. In such situation, the relatives (if any) will forever assume she/he was missing- conducting search parties instead of a burial party.

I witnessed cases of unsung neros at work. Individuals that died in service and guess what? Life goes on, work goes on. No monument or portal to recognise their service to an organisation that paid for it.
Someone eventually get employed to fill that position without an idea who occupied it- who contributed to the point she/he was hired.

I care less about hero/nero...I welcome life and all it brings (including death) as long as I live a life that ends with a smile on my face. What a "Hero"!!!!

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

He's Too Proud

One of the bullshit I-care-less opinion I got a lot of lately is "You are too proud". The speakers/judges happen to be the opposite sex who arrive at such conclusion after I take a stand or statement that showed I wasn't in the mood to eat the sh!t I was offered by 'em.

The fact is, I know my worth and my evaluation isn't measured in coins and bank notes. Money comes money goes. J Cole rapped, "they say time is money but really it's not/ If we ever go broke girl...time is all we got/ And you can't make that back"

My interpretation of that is time does not equal money because if you lose time and money, it was most likely to make only money back. So, any chic that attempts to spend that foolishly will see the "proud" me.

Maybe it's the calibre of chics I hang with, you know, those that share that time with series of men and low committment. Those ones that want to share their 24 hours on Saturday with everyone guy that request to see 'em. That's why I make it easy for them and downgrade 'em to "ignore list".

Maybe I need to have a little patience...maybe, but patience is expensive and the paseon had to worth it.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Friday, August 9, 2013

To Be Honest With Yourself

I see being honest with thy self as one of the most powerful self discovery tool. I mean, feel free to lie to friends but when you extend such deception to thy self then you refuse to know thy self.

The deception could be about body size...which is an obvious one. Now, imagine a fat individual who tell friends she/he wasn't in order not to dampen self-esteem. When the person begin to believe that lie, it could prevent change to a positive lifestyle.

The lies we could tell ourselves vary- from relationships, to "disability".

The importance of being honest is it boosts self confidence- take that from me. Honesty builds self acceptance which is more powerful that the socially constructed self-esteem.

So...whatever lie you tell yourself to maintain a fake smile, it's time to be honest.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I Never Hit a Girl...

Saw the picture online, the story was an angry girlfriend burnt the cheating boyfriend's Range.

I never hit a girl, if you do that, I'll probably shoot the sh!t out of you.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Issue Based on the World's State

The problem with having options to choose from is not to know when you don't need any of them.

On a light note, it could be either to have a Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram account. overthrow a leader.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Poor Shouldn't Be in Retail

I believe the poor shouldn't be involved in retail business. Not because of being financially handicapped, but they are the most responsive to price change and rumours (including other factors of production). Probably more responsive than the stock market. The effect of such responsiveness is unprecedented price increase.

Living in Lagos open consumers to this harsh reality. Economic activities at the retail level is being run by those at the bottom of the financial ladder. Where a slight increase in bus fare, fuel, and garri price directly hit their profit and loss. The domino effect is an immediate price increase of what they sold. It could be pure water, pepper, tomato, or the price to grind pepper. The end result is inflation.

A customer that shops in big retail stores like Shoprite or Mr. Price will notice increase in other factors of production doesn't reflect in price of goods. Even an increase in fuel price will not be immediately noticed. These companies enjoy economies of scale and it's a benefit to consumers.

That's why I suggest, probably controversial, people with low income should not be allowed in retail businesses especially of widely consumed goods and services.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Dicks Don't Click

So this is my take on homosexuality. I haven't talked about it because my writing is inspired by mental imagery, and writing about guys f*cking themselves don't cut it. Simply put, dicks don't click.

Do I need to write a disclaimer? Probably.

Will I? Not definitely

Am I homophobic? Wait a minute...breath in, breathe out...this is my take. There are several things I don't like, for instance, girls in skimpy dresses and heavy makeup. Now, all because a girl is in one doesn't mean I'll dislike her but the outfit. My point is I distinguish the act from the person and not generalise. You can apply the same principle to homosexuality, I don't give a f*ck if you are gay and I don't give a f*ck how you f*ck, and I definitely don't like the later.

The first gay I met years ago, you could smell his oestrogen miles away but he would deny better than Peter. He was an English teacher in a Cambridge A' Level class I attended. He began to face reality people knew his status after his boyfriend broke up with him...he was in tears. What a pity.

This part MIGHT be disgusting. When a guy accepts his sexuality, is he oblivious of the fact that an erect dick would be gate crashing his anus. Like sh!t!, literally. How can making love be sweet when you feel pain before/during/after every thrust?

Dicks don't using the tip of a pencil to sharpen another pencil. If you are gay, no homo, you can be my guy *thinking* but I have soft palm, skin, and ass...I guess I'll be the one sleeping on the floor.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

My Kind of Love/ Emeli Sande

This is My Kind of Song to sing to a girl before walking away...

I can't buy your love, don't even wanna try
Sometimes the truth won't make you happy
So I'm not gonna lie
But don't ever question that my heart beats only for you
It beats only for you
I know I'm far from perfect
Nothing like your entourage
I can't grant you any wishes
I won't promise you the stars
But don't ever question that my heart beats only for you
It beats only for you

'Cause when you given up
When no mater what you do, it's never good enough
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough

That's when you feel my kind of love
And when you're crying out
When you fall and then can't pick
You're heavy on the ground
When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around
That's when you feel my kind of love

You won't see me at the parties
I guess I'm just no fun
I won't be turning up the radio
Singing baby you're the one
But don't ever question that my heart beats only for you
It beats only for you
I know sometimes I get angry and I'd say what I don't mean
I know I keep my heart protected, far away from my sleeve
But don't ever question that my heart beats only for you
It beats only for you

'Cause when you given up
When no mater what you do it's never good enough
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough
That's when you feel my kind of love

And when you're crying out
When you fall and then can't pick
You're heavy on the ground
When the friends you thought you had
Haven't stuck around
That's when you feel my kind of love

'Cause when you given up
When no mater what you do it's never good enough
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough
That's when you feel my kind of love

Written by Emeli Sande, Daniel Tannenbaum,
Emile Haynie
Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Universal Music
Publishing Group

Sunday, June 2, 2013

How Well Do You Fit into His?

Over the years, I noticed females had a criteria that determined if a guy was "worthy" to date. It was more of a subjective checklist that included details like, job, age, religion...

It's surprising how ignorant females could be when they find a guy that passed their checklist. As long as they were concerned, he was the one.
Now, if the relationship doesn't work out, they leave the guy for another one and the cycle continues.

I had a discussion with a girl who met a guy and blah blah blah. The guy passed her wedding potential checklist and I asked what was important. "How well do you fit into his?" I think females should include that in their checklist, how well do I fit into his plan/lifestyle/dreams/aspiration? Until a girl can tick this, her future in a relationship with the guy was uncertain.

Because guys have a "Sex Checklist" and girls easily fall into that criteria. It's possible that's what he has to offer but they are blinded by what they see.

I'll conclude with one of my favourite lines, be honest with yourself.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

7-Month Ultimatum

I have three questions...

How much must you know about a person before you agree to date 'em?

How much of who they are is required to be acceptable before you agree to be engaged to 'em?

Last question, how long is too long to remain engaged to a person without a concrete plan to walk down the aisle?

You see, marriage is a very important goal (to most people, especially females). If I were to reconstruct Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, "Marriage" would be the 3rd stage.

Growing up females believe marriage should come easy. All they need is to see is Wedding Potential in the guy. Love is no longer a requirement. Nowadays marriage is independent of true love- they are separate entities. Women will be like, "even if I don't love my husband I'll love my kids". Still, a lot of single girls are out there.

I overheard a conversation between a woman and her boyfriend of 6 years. The statement that caught my attention was, "You are too relaxed...I give you 7 months to pay my bride price and set our wedding date. I can't keep waiting for you".
The woman gave her boyfriend ultimatum. Is that necessary? Because that only shows the level of desperation. The question I asked was, "If after 6 years your boyfriend isn't ready to commit on that level, what makes you think 7 months will make the difference? Even if he goes along with your plan, what makes you sure it was his will and not threat?"

Her response showed she didn't care as long as they marry. Sadly, a whole lot of girls have this mentality. A mentality of end justify the means when marriage was concerned- you could steal your bestfriend's boyfriend if he would marry you.

With keen interest, I'll see if this woman will be married by December.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Past, Me, & Things I Can't Change

I met someone. The way she makes me feel is like a kid with a new toy- pure excitement. For instance, I think about her and I know, with such feeling the sincerity in my voice should be projected. The feeling overwhelm me to the point of being certain If it were a movie, we would fall madly in love. But this isn't reel life... this is real life.

It's strange because who she is contradict what I believe was my type. My type, is a girl like...(probably someone I had described in a previous post). She does posses important qualities though- someone I can talk to for hours. Anyway...

There are issues she raised. Issues from my past and things I can/can't change. She described one of them as a "veil" covering her eye, so she can't "see me". Hmmm...

What if I change, isn't that conditioning? Is that a test to prove I like her? Why should I prove anything?

I told her to accept first. That's how I believe relationships should be built, just like a house. Do you know you can build your desired building on any soil once you accept each soil is different and treat it as such? What vary is the type of foundation to make the building stand solid. So maybe my past and who I am don't make the "perfect soil" but that doesn't mean we can't have the perfect foundation.

What do you think?V
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Friday, May 10, 2013

Negotiate Condom Use

"How many people can confidently say I am the one person my partner is having unprotected sex with?"



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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

As Worthless as ₦1

With the way this economy is growing (adversely) we might begin to perceive what was once valued as worthless. As worthless as a ₦1 note.

I mean, I used to go to school with kobos as allowance. I'm not 30, yet there are things that seemed they occurred generations ago.

I feel for the family of the guy on the ₦1 note, they must have thought the family name was immortalised.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

She Still Gets To Me...

I thought it was her & my heart skipped, I guess, she still gets to me.

The End?

Friday, April 5, 2013

What Social Media Mean to Nigerian Girls

The few ads of dating sites I watched on TV suggested that was the place singles could hook-up. There are a lot of such websites, some branded as social media targeted to singles. In Nigeria, it's the contrary, a girl whose profile read "single" still act hard-to-get on a dating site.

Why the f*ck will a girl open a profile on a dating site and says "Please don't disturb me, I don't talk to strangers", like seriously? That's why I don't take any chic serious on such platform. I prefer a girl in my presence giving attitude than someone that might even be a guy, pretending to be a chic. Another annoying set of girls are those who were active on a dating site and claim to have a boyfriend.
"So why are you here?"
"I'm looking for friends I can chat with".
"I thought that was why Facebook was created"

My opinion is social sites have become "accessories" just like Facebook. The open an account/profile with no intent except the feeling of being part of something. These are the same set of people that don't own only a Blackberry smartphone, no Apple product, but still have an Instagram account.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Special HICC Easter Service

HICC, HICC, many times did I call you?

This is the second...third time HICC inspired me to write. In case you don't know, HICC is a new generation church.

What happened this time? It was a "normal" Easter service, the pastor was preaching about how Jesus rose from death when an event occurred.

Someone stood up to scream, "It's a lie pastor, I don't believe that. How can you tell me someone died and rose from death. I'm leaving".

It's expected to feel shock. The pastor called the man to come forward- he needed to talk to him. The man walked to the stag...pulpit, the pastor asked the congregation the impact Jesus had in their lives. Someone came up to share an experience before everyone got on their feet to signify they believed Jesus died/rose. The pastor told the young man, "these people can't be fools to believe". The man got on his knees to apologise.

The pastor revealed the whole, "It's a lie pastor..." was acted but the testimony wasn't. Yea....right.

When did a church become Stage 41. That single act would make a typical person question was else was staged: his "miracles" or those people that act like they were filled with the spirit.
The world is already filled with doubt where religion was concerned: you shouldn't leave people with doubt if what was happening in the church was real. That single ice breaker drown the sermon of the day.

Guess what? That same act was repeated second service.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

When Self-actualization is Your Only Goal

When Abraham Masclow came up with his Hierachy of Needs, his idea was based on human needs could be prioritise. As they grow and satisfiy a need, they move on to the next one. It starts with Psychological, Safety, Love/Belonging, Esteem, and ends with Self-actualization.

Self-actualization is what we strive to attain in our lifetime, "what a man can be, he must be." It's the ONE goal we won't mind to crown our life effort.

It could be to become the president, build an empire, win a could even be to get married. Fact is, self-actualized goal was subjective.

The beauty of today's youth is they recognise their self-actualized goal early and it burns within. Take a teen with a strong musical passion for instance. With the influence of MTV, BET...Grammys, she/he target recognition on that international platform. It might be a good thing BUT there's danger when that self-actualized goal plays such dominant role.

The beauty of Masclow's hierachy of needs is the recognition of basic important needs before fairy tale dreams. "You want to be become the president, cool. But first, get food in your plate and roof over your head." Today's youth ignore the first steps and aim directly for the top. Take an instance of a guy that drops out of school to become a rapper. When you are quite young, it ALL seems possible. He forgets about needs like providing food because his parents are there. In reality, he doesn't achieve anything because people around him provides everything. What happens when he gets old enough and supplies get cut off? He joins the category of "unemplyed Nigeria youth" whose occupation is criticising the government and talk about "comparative economies".

Few get lucky, they jump all the steps to attain their self-actualized goal. But, what happens next? Let's assume the person achieved it at age 25, what typical happens is he becomes satisfied: becomes a broke local champion e.g Majek Fashek. Because self-actualized goal don't guarantee basic's a need on its own.

I referred to drop-outs ealier. My stand is not graduates were in a better position. You find graduates yet to secure basic needs a.k.a jobless, yet focus on what would take 'em to closer to self-actualization, even if it meant jumping all the steps. It's only in Nigeria you'll find a jobless person still being picky. They are all waiting for "oil companies". It becomes clear how ignorant they were with zero job experience when asked "what role do you want to play in that oil company?"

They assume basic needs had been achieved because Mummy or/and Daddy was providing it. Same apply as instances I created earlier- they really struggle by the time left alone.

I think it's best to create one's path but not at the expense of what's real.

Friday, March 15, 2013

www.NSCDC and other Nigeria Websites

In the spirit of "my Oga at the top", I'll share 7 Nigerian websites you probably never knew existed. If you had logged on at least 3 of them you must be a Gbenga Sesan in the making.

It's a bit surprising to realise a Nigeria football club with a website, considering the perception our local league isn't organised. The website belongs to Shooting Stars of Ibadan.

NEPA/PHCN has a website. You'll probably need a generator to access it. I am certain the website designer/published added "generator" as operating expense.

For a website about the National Gallery of Art...see for yourself.

I had no idea the station still exist not to mention a website. TOO COLOURFUL... Looks like they hired the services of one of those "DESIGN YOUR WEBSITE FOR ₦15,000 - CALL 080..."

"www.nscdc...that's all" is actually that's all

This website looks like a pirated copy of Alaba International market; I doubt if it has to do with the same Alaba International Market. I was confused if it was designed by the administrators of the market OR...a boy like that.

Who knew Nigeria had a probably assumed BUT do you know the content. All you see is the picture of the President. I know he is the number one citizen BUT is he the only citizen.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Will You, Your Past, and Current Encumbrance Marry Me?

So...I noticed this trend. Girls get engaged and decide to use the image of their engagement ring as a display picture (referring to those on the Blackberry network). It isn't a new trend though, whenever an individual acquired something new.

For instance, you buy a car and take a picture in the car- smiling in the driver seat with your grip on the steering wheel. The same goes with people that buy an expensive phone. They either take a picture in front of a mirror OR use a friend's phone to take their picture simulating a phone conversation. The gist is simple, you want everyone to share with you the new level attained and publicise via social media.

The difference I notice with engagements is: a female will take the picture of their ring, but most times do not reveal her face.
I realise they were engaged from display picture of mutual friends. It would also be the friend that would picmix the face and the ring. What accountants will call "matching concept"- match the owner of the ring with the face.

The question is now, Why? Why will a lady comfortably share the picture of a new car and not something like an engagement ring with her face?

My opinion is simple, sins of the past and current encumbrances.

The speed rate information flow on social media can't be exaggerated. After typing an information, the whole world would probably know about it before you press "enter".
So what happens when a female with unfinished (male) business(es) gets a engagement ring isn't a wedding ring. You buy time.

I ain't gonna lie...there was a chic I realised was engaged and it was topic of discussion: how? Wasn't my business but a lot of guys had equity in her business. We were like, who is this guy that fell for her [trap]? If a chic like that hid she was engaged...I'll support her.
Current encumbrances do matter though. Girls eager to marry probably had guys on the waiting list. The first to propose might not be the best choice. So they make the proposal low key. They least they want was their pic with the ring everywhere. That could be bad business.
Also, a chic's bed mate might have no idea she had a relationship of such by the side. Why spoil the fun?

It would be the female's single friends that would publicise the engagement. It was their way of saying "you are no longer in the singles market, let's discourage single guys from focusing on you but us". I mean, also when a chic had a boyfriend it is her friends that will act as PR.

To all those engaged....Congratulations, although I can't see your faces.

Friday, March 8, 2013

RIP Khafila: Friday 8th of March, 2013

The world don't know your name, face, & tender age. The world don't care about your name, face, & tender age. If you aren't one of theirs you are one of the others. The others with no name, face, & tender age.

Rest in Peace deprived the world of your shy smile. Your family...may Almighty God give them the strength to carry on and give an angel strength to carry you home.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Two Chairz

I took this picture because when I saw the chairs, what first came to my mind wasn't a chair behind another. I don't know, maybe it's just me and I have to get my mind out of the "gutter".

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Drunk/ Ed Sheeran

If only you know what I think whenever I hear this song...

I wanna be drunk when I wake up,
On the right side of the wrong bed,
And every excuse I made up,
Tell you the truth I hate,
What didn't kill me, it never made me stronger at all,

Love will scar your makeup lip sticks to me,
So now I'll maybe lean back there
I'm sat here, wishing I was sober,
I know i'll never hold you like I used to

But our house gets cold when you cut the heating,
Without you to hold i'll be freezing,
Can't rely on my heart to beat it
Cause you take part of it every evening,
Take words out of my mouth just from breathing,
Replace with phrases like 'when you leaving me?'
Should I, Should I,

Maybe I'll get drunk, again
I'll be drunk, again, I'll be drunk, again
To feel a little love.

I wanna hold your heart in both hands,
Now I'll watch you fizzle at the bottom of a coke can,
And i've got no plans for the weekend,
So should we speak then? Keep it between friends?
Though I know you'll never love me, like you used to

There maybe other people like us,
Will see the flicker of the clipper when they light our,
Flames just create us, burns dont heal like before
You dont hold me anymore

On cold days Coldplay's out like the band's name
I know i cant heal things with a handshake
You know i can change, as I began saying
You cut me wide open like a landscape
Open bottles of beer but never champagne
To applaud you with the sound that my hands make

Should I? Should I?
Maybe I'll get drunk, again
I'll be drunk, again
I'll be drunk, again
To feel a little love

All by myself
I'm here again
All by myself
You know I'll never change
All by myself
All by myself

I'm just drunk, again
I'll be drunk, again
I'll be drunk, again
To feel a little love

Monday, February 18, 2013

That Greener Pasture

I heard what I am about to share from a great guy, Tare O, it cracked me up.

A chic talked about the potential of leaving her current "job" for a better search of "greener pastures". Everyone kept talking about where the "other side", where the grass was greener.

He was like, everyone talks about searching for greener pasture as if we don't know where it is. If you want a high paying job work with a company in the oil industry. But the truth was it takes more than knowing, it was difficult to get there. Even when you get there the competition was more. Afterall, everyone wants to be where the grass was greener. You'll find all sort of "animals"- cows, goats...even lions would turn to vegetarians and compete for grass.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

2013 Grammy of the [Year]

Hours to the 55th edition of the Grammy awards, I want to share my own edition of the prestigious awards. These are the winners I believe deserve it based on the impact their song had in my life. I am in no way predicting...these are my winners.

Record of the Year
"We Are Young" – Fun featuring Janelle Monáe
Jeff Bhasker, producer Jeff Bhasker, Andrew Dawson & Stuart White, engineers/mixers; Chris Gehringer, mastering engineer

Album of the Year
Some Nights – Fun
Janelle Monáe, featured artist; Jeff Bhasker, Emile Haynie, Jake One & TommyD, producers; Jeff Bhasker, Pete Bischoff, Jeff Chestek, Andrew Dawson, Emile Haynie, Manny Marroquin, Sonny Pinnar & Stuart White, engineers/mixers; Chris Gehringer, mastering engineer

Song of the Year
"The A Team"
Ed Sheeran, songwriter (Ed Sheeran)

Best New Artist

Best Pop Solo Performance
"We Are Young" – Fun featuring Janelle Monáe

Best Pop Vocal Album
Ceremonials – Florence and the Machine

Best Dance Recording
"Don't You Worry Child" – Swedish House Mafia featuring John Martin
Steve Angello, Axwell & Sebastian Ingrosso, producers; Steve Angello, Axwell & Sebastian Ingrosso, mixers

Best Rock Performance
"I Will Wait" – Mumford & Sons

Best R&B Performance
"Climax" – Usher

Best R&B Song
"Heart Attack"
Benjamin Levin, Rico Love & Tremaine Neverson, songwriters (Trey Songz)

Best Rap Performance
"HYFR (Hell Ya F***ing Right)" – Drake featuring Lil Wayne

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
"Wild Ones" – Flo Rida featuring Sia

Best Rap Song
"The Motto"
Dwayne Carter, Aubrey Graham & Tyler Williams, songwriters (Drake Featuring Lil' Wayne)

Best Rap Album
Take Care – Drake

Producer of the Year, Non-Classical
"Climax" (Usher) (T)
"Get Free" (Major Lazer featuring Amber Coffman) (S)
"La La La" (Snoop Lion) (S)
"Lies" (Marina and The Diamonds) (T)
"Look At These Hoes" (Santigold) (T)
"Push And Shove" (No Doubt featuring Busy Signal & Major Lazer) (T)
"Slight Work" (Wale featuring Big Sean) (T)
"Thought of You" (Justin Bieber) (T)
"Too Close" (Alex Clare) (T)

Best Short Form Music Video
"Bad Girls" – M.I.A.
Romain Gavras, video director; Romain Gavras, video producer

Saturday, February 2, 2013

To Start a Relationship...

I noticed a female colleague countdown the months of the year with her fingers. I asked jokingly, "do you want to know when your baby is due?".
She replied it wasn't hers, a friend's wife was in labour. She counted 9 months back to know when the fertilisation took place- July. She added the guy was dating her friend during that period.

Her friend was fond of him and always had something to say about the guy on Blackberry. As far as she was concerned, her "baby" was the best. She was slapped by reality when someone sent a pix of her baby getting married. Her case was past tense...

My colleague, who was in the centre, decided to be a spectator as it happened. She added her friend loved him.
I told her "to start a relationship was up to the girl BUT to start a marriage was up to the guy".

As long as girls believe the guy must propose, he had the final say. Regardless the love the girl might claim to have.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Females and Numbers

I grew up to learn females were bad with numbes. There was something about digits that doesn't add up. I'm not referring to sums and subtractions but nominal values. For example, a girl's age.

I understand (or think I do) when a girl feels she doesn't want to reveal too much to a new guy. BUT, why lie? Feel free to lie about the number of guy's you've slept with, as long as you are not a virgin I work with infinity.

A short story. Now, getting entry level/ graduate jobs in Nigeria had certain "number" requirement. First was a good grade, the other was age- the younger the better. Even if you had a first class + masters, there were top companies that won't hire as a graduate trainee if you were over 25 years old.

Nigerians could be deceptive and found a loophole. Individuals that were older than the age requirement forge a new birth certificate to "reduce" their age.

People (both sex) do it comfortably. I mean, the economy isn't funny at all so I won't criticise. BUT, imagine a chic doing all this change of birth day to hook a husband. I mean, providing forged documents to back her age claim.

I met a chic that claimed was 7 years younger and went WOW! I was like, "I'm not in your HR department, please save me the theatrics". It has reached a level girls lie about their age into their matrimonial home. The husband would be thinking, "my wife looks old for a age, no one will know she's only 26".
The wife would be thinking, "Wow! Finally I've clocked the BIG 4-0"

You'll see such girls on social media sites, like Badoo. A girl that looked like 30+ would claim 21 and desire to meet a guy age 35+. Why will a 21 years old looking babe desire to meet a guy in his 30s...unless that wasn't her real age. After all, the want (sometimes) determine the means.

Should I blame them? Just like certain jobs, marriage also applied the principle of younger the better.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Daughters of Eve in "When it Cums, It Pours"

Back in 2006 I was at [what I regard as] the highest peak in my creativity [yet]. I wrote books, comics, with ease. I was a huge fan of South Park and created my characters inspired by the cartoon. I
called mine "Daughters of Eve".

I was going through some of my old materials and stumbled across this one. It was titled "Art Attack".

Saturday, January 12, 2013


What's up, y'all? This is Nawab and I'm usurping Ade's blogsite for the day. Before I get into the crux of this post, here's a little backstory on me: my real name's Gbolahan Akitunde and I'm a lawyer-turned-rapper. Yeah I know, sounds ironic.

I just want to use this platform to express my views on the state of Hip Hop in Nigeria and track one of the reasons the genre is still at its infancy. Some would argue that point, claiming we've come a long way. We, indeed, have come a long way from being bamboozled with gibberish on beats to feigned American accents and eventually, forced L'il Wayne-esque witticisms. But one intrinsic truth that holds sway is that we are still babies at this. No disrespect to Nigerian emcees that are currently out there doing their thing but to be honest, which one of them can confidently be pointed to as being capable of competing on an international level?

I remember when I first began writing rhymes, it was unbelievably difficult because my idol was Nas and I wanted so badly to mimic his style. I later realized I was climbing the tree from the top because the hardest thing you can do as a novice rapper is try to articulate and effectively communicate your deepest thoughts, innermost feelings and most convoluted ideas on any subject-matter in a rap while maintaining your flow with a multisyllabic rhyme scheme. This is where, as we all know, Eminem reigns supreme.

Inversely, the easiest thing to do, when one graduates a little from utter wack-ness, is coming up with clever punch-lines. Listeners on the sidelines usually think this is a thing that requires talent but it really isn't that special. All it takes is some conscious effort. Even the New Boyz did it, "I'm so cocky with it/ And my chain be lookin' like Rocky hit it." That was actually very cool imagery but believe me, if those guys can do it, anyone can. The only talent associated with firing a salvo of double entendres is in its seamless execution. Its delivery. Delivery, basically, is grace. Very few rappers possess this grace. And that's why Jay-Z can say the most mundane metaphor and the next day, it's a catchphrase. He embodies the spiritual swag that allows him get away with the most simpleminded figurative expression on his worst day.

And these are the more intangible elements my ears are trained to listen for and discern between in a rap song. It's the reason I'm not quickly as impressed by rappers over their metaphor-ridden verses as every other Nigerian music lover is. Rap is much more than that. It demands more finesse, personality and organic skill level. Only when our rappers internalize these truths can they stand on the same pedestal as a Lupe Fiasco, a Joe Budden, a Crooked I et cetera.

Hopefully, I have. Internalizing those truths and successfully incorporating them in my raps, that is. But don't take my word for it. Here are the links to the music video for my brand new song 'Binu Binu.' I'd really like for y'all to check it out. It's a unique amalgam of Nigerian commerciality, and pure, unadulterated rap verses. So please listen and feel free to comment. Thanks for taking the time out to read this.

Enjoy and God bless.

To download the video;

To stream on Youtube;

Download links to audio version;

For related Nawab posts. Other songs included;

Talk about it.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

My Second ₦1 Show

Welcome to 2013...and to the second one Naira show. I hope you all enjoyed the last one although I can't remember a thing I said.
To keep it simple I'm going to talk about definitions. I'll give my own definition of words using experiences. You might have come across certain definitions in previous posts. Repeating them was just to save cost, remember, it's a ₦1 show.

I'll start with the definition of "butty", a word associated with being brought up in wealth. Being butty is when you hear NYSC camp and you think of Camp Rock. In short, being butty is when you know Camp Rock.

Second definition, "Horny". This applies to the guys. Horny was when you are alone and pick up your phone to dial all the girls on your phone book from A to Z. One question you find yourself asking all of 'em was "So...where are you?"

The third definition, "A Good Sleep". You had a good sleep when you wake up a minute before your alarm goes off, you keep looking at it and just as it was about to ring you stop it & go back to sleep.

The fourth definition is short and simple. The word is "Broke", as in, low in cash. Broke is laughing as you are about to get robbed. The superlative of "Broke" is "Dead Broke". That's when you volunteer to help the robbers find money.

Another definition is "Bad luck". Bad luck was discovering a condom in your pocket a minute after unprotected sex.

Next is "Prudent with money". Being prudent is loaning out money but not just to anyone. Being prudent was loaning money to a roommate who was notorious for stealing.

"Disillusioned" this applies to certain females, few of 'em I've met. Being disillusioned was having sex multiple times and thinking you are a virgin because you didn't have an orgasm.

"Packaging" is taking a pix inside a public bus a.k.a danfo, only for a chic to see it and say "nice ride".

"High" is seeing a car approaching at night and thinking the headlights of the vehicle were that of two bikes. Since you are about to cross the road, decide to stay between the two "bikes".

"Insensitive" is when a guy with an arm laughs at you & you say "clap"

That should be all for me here, the show is over. A show is over when the MC walks off stage, the credit is rolling, the lights in the hall comes on, or you see... The End.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Issue with Public Role Models: Persona are Illusions

I was raised by TV. The media and I shared a wonderful relationship that put me into the lives of several people [probably the other way]. Notwithstanding, I get to develop a relationship and learn so much about people [real or fiction] with the absence of a direct contact. There were outcomes of such relationship between any individual with whom they relate with the most on TV. They could become a fan, make such individual a role model, a mentor, or get obsessed. My focus is with when such individuals you read/watch on media become your role model.

Having as a role model someone you read/watch on TV was choosing an illusion as a role model, a construct of an individual's persona. Take for instance a young girl that says "Nicki Minaj is my role model. I like how she dresses and talks". Now, Onika Tanya Maraj is the name of an artiste and her public persona is Nicki Minaj. Onika does not talk with a British accent and definitely does not dress sexy all the time. She projects 'Nicki Minaj' qualities well because that culminates what makes her a good artiste and sell records. She definitely doesn't call her friends "Barbz". My point remains saying Nicki Minaj was a role model meant adopting an illusion as a role model.

Celebrities were not the only role models from media. Some decide to follow the steps of public figures including pastors and motivational speakers. I'll TRY not to mention any names before people start pleading again I delete this post to save someone's career. The bitter truth was any individual that says a motivational speaker was a role model was not different from the girl that said Nicki Minaj was hers'. Just like Nicki Minaj, how they talked, what they say, and dressed was to enable them sell. What they project was a persona incongruence with their real self.

A guy admired a public figure to the mild obsessed point he talks and dress like him always. He would claim the guy was so "eloquent" and "carried himself well". You wouldn't believe this guy's reaction when he realized his role model preferred to speak confirm waffi English when the camera wasn't rolling. He realized the bitter truth. He was putting effort to live his life the way someone else's does for few minutes in front of the camera. The greatest shock was picking up a book where his role model had picked up several lines he felt he made up. Lines that motivated him was from someone else.

Growing up, I had role models from the media [I won't deny that]. I admired Michael Jackson; felt if I made my hair long enough it would be as long and flowing as his. I admired the cast and crew of Star Wars because of the belief the movie was shot in space. I admired Kevin Arnold in "The Wonder Years": I still admire Kevin Arnold in "The Wonder Years".

I began to question role models during my secondary school years and strongly admired Britney Spears. I could say she was my role model. It was the period she was "losing it"; getting married [the first time], going bald, dropping her kid… the period where her career was good as gone and how she bounced back. Prior to that, I never like her and her music because she was "perfect". My life wasn't perfect and definitely not all smiles but that was what she projected. When everything went downwards, I was able to relate with her as a human and not a pop princess. That opened my eyes to the struggle people faced when no one was looking. From that moment my favorite musicians were those who brought that life to their music, like the band Blue October.

Regardless, my opinion is do not let your role model come from TV and if your role model wasn't under your roof, then be yours.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Ade's Gallery of Screen Grabs: Jumoke's Response

I have a photo album on Facebook titled Ade's Gallery of Screengrabs. The gallery was composed of pictures of conversations I had with people and found interesting. This is one of them. I am about to share the experience that led to that particular message. Just so you know, all I requested for was her phone number and got an essay. In case you weren't able to read the words in the image, I copied it below.

"From: Jumoke
Hey, Friend request on FB,scary. I was actually searching for you because we still have an unfinished business. I was naïve Ade, you knew that and you exploited that fact. I thought I knew what I was doing when I didn't know anything, I thought I was smart but you were smarter. Its funny when I think about it because I still cannot understand why I let a scum like you walk into my life and turn it upside down. Did I like you, I did, that am ashamed of. Did I love you, maybe but it was lust and not the usual have sex with you lust, I was just too attracted to you. And I still remember the crap you told me, *laughing* that was a smooth move Ade, I almost or I fell for it. You were a pig Ade, Pigs are never clean,they are always dirty. You taught me a lot about Human Nature, how inhumane humans can be.

Nope, you cannot get my phone number.

30 October 2011 · Sent from Mobile"

It all started one evening at the Faculty of Social Sciences, University of Lagos, sometime in 2009 [I think]. I remember hanging out with Kume that day. We were on the second floor when he noticed a girl walk pass, what caught his attention was her hair. Kume had a thing for the beauty of natural African hair. He waited till she walk pass again and made his approach. They were having a pleasant first conversation while I rested against the wall, withdrawing from their discussion. Her name was Jumoke.

While they talked, I noticed they had similar interest like reading great works of fiction and "Everybody's Free (To Wear Suncreen)" by Baz Luhrmann. They got comfortable and the conversation flowed while I maintained my position expect passing few side comments. Between laughs, which proved to be a great distraction, she handed me her phone unnoticed by Kume. On the screen was "080..." which she rightly assumed was the first three digits of my phone number. I typed in the rest and handed it over to her.
She called me after that with the discussion ending with a place/time to meet. From that moment, Jumoke made it clear she was interested in me. We both resided in hostels on campus and every night hung out till midnight. We would walk around the campus with my eye always looking for the best spot to make out. Once I "discovered" one for the evening we would kiss and exchange sweet words to maintain that romantic mood regardless where we were. Soon we were talking about sex.

Jumoke maintained she was a virgin and would wait till her wedding night to give it up. I was at the most sexually creative period in my life and knew she had no belief in what came out from her mouth. Probably it was naivety like she claimed years later but I would attribute it to virginity syndrome. During that period all we talked about was sex. As expected, she began to have a change of heart on the right time to have sex. She said there must be an engagement ring involved before sex. That changed to after 5 years of dating. That reduced to six months until she said, "What's the use of planning, I'm comfortable whenever it happens as long as I love the guy".

The next day, Saturday, we were alone in Kume's place that was 10 minutes away from school. I had it in mind to take it slow [like I hopefully always do] and switched to foreplay mood. Jumoke was a novice and her blow job skill level was close to zero. All she did was bite until I gave her tips. She was a fast learner and a good student.

Jumoke was naked in bed and I couldn't do it. I felt good but it felt wrong. Her limbs were spread and all I had to do was put it in... The End. While in that state her phone rang, she answered to hear her dad's voice at the other end of the line. He was on his way to visit her in school. She wore her clothes to hurry back to school but gave me another blowjob on the way out.

Later that day, Jumoke's friend accused me of attempting to sleep with Jumoke. The confrontation was based on allegations Jumoke supposedly made that I was about to have sex with her and she stopped me. That all I wanted from Jumoke all along was to have sex with her and move ahead. I told Jumoke and her response was, "Is it a lie?"
That didn't stop Jumoke from calling me or hanging out. In fact, we made out more with blowjobs frequently on campus. She became an expert.

The last sexual encounter I had with Jumoke was during a BBQ Party behind Arts Block one night. The venue had a huge turnout. I spotted Jumoke's friend who told her she was around. Minutes later I was with Jumoke in a friend's car parked in the venue. I remember guys rested their backs against the car having a view of the dance floor. I was in the back seat with Jumoke on my laps, her face opposite mine. I asked, "So why did you tell your friend all I wanted from you was sex?" She kept quiet. I continued, "You know, if I wanted to have sex with you I will. All I have to do was first, remove your top". While I said that, my hands raised her top over her head and out through her arms. I dropped it on the car seat. "What I'll do next was undo your bra," which I did and she allowed with no resistance. "After that, I will get your jeans off you," which I also did with her assistance. Jumoke sat naked on my laps with her legs spread opposite to each other. I unzipped my jeans and brought out my dick. I asked one final question, "Tell me what's going to stop me from fucking you if I wanted to? Wear your clothes and get out".

I saw Jumoke few times after that event till I graduated. Two years later, during my service year in Lagos I remembered her and wanted to know how she was doing. I searched for her on Facebook to request for her phone number. Truth was I still had her number but wanted her to tell me. That gesture would have meant to me that we were now cool. Her response was the "essay" above.

Below was my response and subsequent conversation...

"Me: Wow! You really really spilled what you had in your mind. Let me start with I'm sorry. One thing you seem not to understand is it was a learning process for both of us. Yea I knew you were naïve but you seemed to think otherwise and I've to admit...I atimes got carried away exploiting that but never with the intention to hurt you. I made a personal decision never to sleep with you and I stood with that. You might call me a pig, whatever, but I had a conscience.
I still want your number to know you on a whole new level. If I had the intention to hurt you initially, I wouldn't have the courage to approach you. And if I thought you weren't a wonderful person, I wouldn't have the intention to care how you were doing. Pls give me your number..
30 October 2011"

"Jumoke: I am sorry is not enough Ade, I cannot give you mynumber.
30 October 2011 · Sent from Mobile"

"Me: Pls
30 October 2011"

"Me: How long are you going to give me silent treatment?
31 October 2011"

"Me: Hey....plssssssss, your number nau *sad face*
17 November 2011"

"Jumoke: Hi, I can't give you my number but I can give you my email, let's chat on Yahoo messenger, J*******
23 November 2011 · Sent from Mobile"

"Me: When you are online buzz me
23 November 2011"

The END.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Is THIS Toyosi Akerele a Fraud?

Warning: I know certain people might read this piece and conclude I was jealous/envious of Toyosi Akerele. It only means one thing to me- you are new here. 

It all began one night as I was watching the Teju BabyFace show. For those who have no idea of the show, Teju BabyFace show was a Nigerian talk show that adopted the same format as Tonight Show with Jay Leno. If you don’t know Jay Leno ---> Google. 
Back to that night, he had a female guest on the show and her name was “Oluwamitoyosirise [of the most high]” or Toyosi Akerele. Before the interview, a short clip was aired to summarise her achievement. There was a clip with her in front of a podium and a banner behind her. I recognised the banner; in fact, I watched that event live on TV. It was the launch of “My Friend and I” infamous for a statement made by the Minister of Information, Labara Maku, where he thanked President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan for “bringing Facebook to Nigeria”. That clip made me aware who she was but a vague idea of her speech. There was also a picture of her with Michelle Obama, the wife of the President of United States of America, and an edited clip where she made a statement about being inspired by Toyosi. That clip impressed the host, Teju Babyface, and his first question went like “Who are you to have your name mentioned by Michelle Obama?” The context of 
the question was for her to talk about achievement that earned such recognition. Toyosi’s response had religious element, something like “if you are blessed by the most high doors would open” [something like that]. 

She talked briefly about her childhood, voice, and made a statement that made me change the channel to Bloomberg. The statement went like “if you are 25 years old and live with your parents, SHAME on you. If you are 18 and still go to uncles and aunties for pocket money/allowances, SHAME on you” [same idea but not exact words]. 
I heard that and thought ‘who is this Toyosi Akerele?’ that believed she was different from average Nigerians in such situation. What made her bold enough to make such statement? I devoted time from checking girls on Facebook to know more about her. 

I learnt she was the Founder/CEO or an organisation, RISE, which meant “Reputation + Impact + Style + Expression”. “She conceptualized and designed effective programs to deepen the links and learning opportunities for Young people in knowledge acquisition, Enterprise and Nation Building”. On her website ‘’, you could read all about her personal achievement and those of the organisation. I also read transcript of interviews she had granted and all extolled her contribution into youth empowerment. I also accessed the full transcript of Michelle Obama’s televised address where are name was mentioned “”. She said, “We’ll be looking to women like Toyosi, she’s a 28 year old from Nigeria, who every year, assembles 50,000 people for the largest youth conference in the country…” 

Something sounded false in that statement. If the General Manager of Nigeria Breweries had claimed the company assembled 50,000 youths during Star Trek I won’t object, but Toyosi Akerele? 50,000 annually? I know even organisers usually inflate the number of turn out for events and this was one of it. I assumed an online article would bring it to light but no. I read a 2009 article by Adeola Ojedokun about RISE Interactive Youth Forum in Lagos with the theme “Our Time Is Now”( ). It had guest speakers including Prof. Dora Akinluyi and then Managing Director of First Bank, Dr. Lamido Sanusi. It was claimed the event hosted about 10,000 youths, which was believable considering high profiled speakers until you read the venue was the New Gymnasium Hall of the National Stadium, Surulere. How did they fit 10,000 people into that space and have in mind the University of 
Lagos Multipurpose Hall had a 5000-seat-capacity. 

I realised articles about Toyosi Akerele ONLY focused on the fact Michelle Obama recognised her existence and not the claim made. The claim that got the recognition. From what I gathered, the U.S Department of State, the U.S. Embassy in South Africa, the U.S. Agency for International Development, and the White House organised a forum with female participants. 76 young African women leaders [45 from South Africa and 31 from 24 other African countries] were selected to explore the themes of leadership and community service during workshop sessions. Toyosi was the only Nigerian participant. Michelle Obama was scheduled to visit South Africa and Botswana during that period. She made an appearance at the forum and that was where Toyosi got her handshake. If I’m correct that was the first and only time they encountered. The video clip where Michelle claimed to be inspired by Toyosi was recorded a week before that handshake. In the full length video Toyosi 
name wasn't the only one mentioned. The other female was an 18-year-old South African, Annah Tseko. 

I wondered what would have made Michelle Obama think Toyosi Akerele did such, what made her feel Toyosi was selfless, until I saw Toyosi’s recorded video on ‘’.’’ and that explained it. 

I read more interviews Toyosi granted and noticed inconsistencies about her past OR probably lies. One image consistent was she tried to portray a strong willed woman that made it from scratch- from nothing to something. Take for instance an interview on (2011) 

The interviewer, Olatoye Adekoya, asked “Tell us about transforming RISE from a magazine to a group?” There was a line in her response that got my attention, “On Saturday, I hired the Sales Executive Manager of Globacom, and he is resuming with me next week. If you want to grow to be at the level of Mobil or MTN, you’ve got to know the things they do...”. 
I checked if Globacom lost any staff to RISE and couldn’t find any. I checked the RISE website and no member of the team had previous work experience with Globacom. In fact, I felt stupid for checking. Why would anyone resign from Globacom to work for RISE considering the state they were/are? If I was right, why did she say it? 

When asked “what inspired [her] to go into business at a tender age?”, the following statement was included in her response: “I made my first one million naira in 2006 when I was 23; first ten million naira at 24, and first forty million naira 25. I got a job in Oando and I resigned after three weeks when I realized that a job brings you comfort and convenience. The other one brings you real significance, and I love the joy of being the one providing the service” (Federal Inland Revenue Service please take note for tax fraud). I checked Toyosi’s account where she claimed to have worked at Oando from July to August 2007 as a Communications Executive which was consistent with her claim. 

Her income claim seems impressive on paper but are they true? 
Toyosi graduated from the University of Jos in 2007 ( at age 24 but made her first million in 2006 when she was 23. That means she graduated a millionaire. So at age 24 in 2007, the same year she became a law graduate, made her first ten million Naira, organised first RISE youth conference, and worked with Oando for 3 months as a Communications Executive. The year 2007 must have been fulfilling for her BUT how did she pull it off? NOTE: Numbers based on her claim. 

I urge you to correct me if I’m wrong, that job title “Communications Executive” doesn’t exist in Oando. So what was her position there if she did work there? Also, why would Oando employ an (under)graduate without NYSC certificate as a full staff? 

Toyosi also claimed to have made ₦40,000,000 by age 25 and that made me ask, did she not participate in the mandatory NYSC programme? She was supposed to be serving during that period instead she was raking millions, there was also no RISE youth forum on record that year to rake in the millions. Probably her NYSC allowance was different because she was special. I wonder where she served. Come to think of it, she never talked about her youth service during any of her interviews. For someone who claimed to be into youth empowerment, she must have had remarkable contributions during her service year but she’s hiding that information. Unless she was yet to serve. 

If she didn’t serve there were two reasons I thought of. One, she lied about her age to the public and was over 30 years when she graduated so was not eligible to participate. Two, she attended University of Jos but did not graduate. I believe it was the first though. 

On Teju Babyface show she talked about shame on whoever over 18 begged for money/allowances from family/relatives. On Linkedin she stated her university admission was in 2002, she must have been 18. Another question, did she sponsor herself? 

I decided not to focus on who she was but what she did or claimed to by checking RISE website once more. I realised anyone could become a volunteer. I read paragraphs on the importance of volunteerism with the last being “Please support RISE in every way you can by:” 

• Becoming a Pilot Volunteer in different Cities of the Country where our Youth Programs hold. 

• Referring at least one youth to use the RISE Library a day. 

• Tell as many people as you know to purchase and benefit from the new RISE book; STRATETRICKS. 

• Donate Business, Leadership and Management Books to the RISE Study Library. 

• Sponsor any of our training programs. 

• Assist or support our Youth Volunteers. 

I assumed the content site developer put this in error because it read more like a marketing job than volunteering. Take for instance, “referring at least on youth to use the RISE library a day and donating books”. The RISE library isn’t free to use. In 2010, 3 hours access cost ₦500 [I don’t know the present cost]. Why should I donate books to a study library that the less privileged cannot access free and the CEO was a multi-millionaire? Toyosi said it several times, RISE was a business venture and her dream was to make it a public quoted company by year 2020. So it’s quite stupid and manipulative to encourage people volunteer. The manipulative idea was worst than insurance companies, making new recruits work their ass off free. By the way, the STATETRICKS book cost ₦1000 and to attend a RISE youth forum was not free. I saw the poster of the one held in 2010, despite having MTN, Verve, NBC, and Redbull as sponsors, ₦500 was still 
charged as gate fee for 'regular'. 

My opinion of Toyosi Akerele, based on what I’ve learnt was an individual riding high on cheap publicity. This wasn’t to diss her, it was a talent. She could talk her way into making things happen even if they were lies. It works well because an average Nigerian is gullible judging from false broadcast messages the spread without verification.

I was certain people close to her were very much aware. If you were to ask any one that read about Toyosi or paid to attend the conference would probably associate her with the youth BUT get this. On the website,, users could write about their skills and expertise while people linked to the individual (Facebook version of friends) could endorse the skill most associated to the user. Below is a list of her skills and expertise ranked from most endorsed. The number in the bracket represents the number of people that endorsed such skill in her. 

Public Speaking (35) 

Strategic Planning (17) 

Business Strategy (13) 

Marketing Communications (9) 

Project Planning (6) 

Product Development (6) 

Digital Marketing, Project Portfolio Management (4) 

Non-profits (3) 

Youth Engagement, Youth Empowerment, Innovation Management, 

Entrepreneurship (2) 
Coaching, Social Media, Creative 

Direction, Business Intelligence, 

Leadership (1) 

Educational Technology, Instructor-led Training, Public Sector (0) 

A quick look at the hierarchy, isn’t it ironic the relationship what she claims to do with what people close to her associate with her. She claims to be enterprising and convener of the “largest youth conference in Nigeria” with youth development as it’s core. Yet, see where they were on the list. At the top was “public speaking” which supports my claim she just talks. In fact, what she talked about the most was what people least endorsed her for. Imagine the CEO of www.passnownow.comwas not endorsed for ‘Educational Technology’. Aunty Toyosi, please shut down the website. 

Regardless, I’ll say Toyosi Akerele was like anyone. Look at her Twitter handle (@toyosirise) and you’ll see. Sure, she tweets positivity but that was only to support her persona, which projects to the public. 

However, check what she follows to have an idea of her interest. You’ll find Olamide (@Olamide_YBNL) which shows first of all...she likes to go down low. @theMarriageBed and @GoodWivesGuide, which shows she wants to get married, clock is ticking. @sheCravesTheD, if you don’t know what that handle tweets here’s the bio 
“*OFFICIAL D PAGE* She’s following this page because she wants the D”. 
In case you are too slow to grab, ‘D’ means ‘Dick’ as in penis. Their tweets goes like, 
“If she text you saying ‘I’m home alone’ she wants the D”. 
Unmarried Toyosi wants the D, how “more normal” could she be? She also follows @RailaOdinga [not the computer virus]. @HHShkMohd ß-- OIL MONEY. Toyosi quotes bible verses to make points so I surprised to discover she followed the handle @Anti_Church which...I mean, the handle name is self explanatory. 
You know, it’s quite possible I was wrong about Toyosi Akerele BUT I did my homework. If anyone knows or opportuned to interview her, get answers to the following questions: 

• Real age? 

• Name and location of her secondary school? 

• Did she graduate (or finished school) and where did she perform her NYSC programme? 

• What’s her real financial worth? 

• How badly does she want the D? 

No doubt Toyosi Akerele might have influenced and motivatied people BUT was it by her actions or words. Remember, we can only lie with words. Sure she had won few awards and recognition BUT what's the value if they were "earned" through deception and lies. 

READ: What They Won't Tell You: "Logical Truth"

Twitter: @adebsrk