Wednesday, July 15, 2015
"Begin with the end in mind". Isn't that one of the habits of highly effective people? To apply that habit in one's career goals might be a bit straight forward, but how does that apply in relationships…how do you determine what you want in a relationship with someone you just met? As [kids], the end might be to get to the 3rd base but as we get older, third base is usually the first base so that goal becomes baseless. Relationships become complex [please note that the only factor that makes relationships complex are excuses]. So relationships become filled with excuses. Excuses about why you love A and B but want to hook up with C. Excuses about why you cannot maintain a steady relationship. Excuses about why you want to break up. To make up excuses is one of the habits of highly ineffective people.
I do not make excuses in relationships [unnecessarily], then again I do not have a specific end in mind… [see last paragraph]. I am a guy that goes with the flow and if at any moment the girlfriend says, "We need to talk?" My response is like, "OK. Do you want to break up?..No wahala".
I am not a though guy, maybe a bit insensitive but I know a few things I want in a relationship. One of them is to date someone that has no significant doubt about dating me. There is no point attempting to convince a partner on why she should stay in a relationship when she wants out. She must have nursed the idea for weeks and had the courage/confidence to voice it. I wrote in a previous post that the day major decisions are made and they day they were taken are not the same. They might even be months apart. If from your previous relationships you never saw the breakup coming, that is a cogent reason to accept the breakup proposal.
I know single ladies who claim to have the end in mind before they jump into any relationship. The [potential] is assessed before they accept to be exclusive [or not] and the end to 'em is usually marriage. How sweet! The fault of my Nigeria ladies it the failure to understand that to have the end in mind is not the same as to begin with the end in mind. For instance, a tennis player might have a career goal to win Wimbledon, which is the easy part. To BEGIN with the end in mind would involve the training sessions and all those exhaustive practice to win Wimbledon. But my Nigeria ladies prefer to only have the end in mind, and then they sit it out. If they are lucky to get a husband they begin to eat it out. I met a chic once who was all prophetic about her [yet to exist] future husband. She had rehearsed the wedding in her mind which exposed her wild imagination. She also provided insight about what her family life would be like. My response was, "You actually think you deserve such with your current lifestyle".
I do not have a specific end in mind that I apply in all relationships. That is because I recognise that individuals are unique and each make me crave for things based on their personality. I meet certain girls and the end is sex, just friends, or business associate. Yet to meet a chic whose personality will make me think of marriage. They talk about it but can't act it and I am a good judge of character.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Everyday you are going to meet people, men that you might not be certain of their intention apart from what they say...
As much as it will be unwise to give all a try, I will suggest you narrow your attention to the ones you are interested in...
Even when you meet someone you have interest in, I will suggest that you do not think through the relationship in your head prior to things happening...
Do not create (false) expectations. You already know what happens when you daydream of a family with a guy that hasn't proposed
Trust your instinct at times, and when in doubt- don't
I understand you tell me certain things because you have doubts but there are 3 main reasons I am not in any position to help effectively...
1. Whatever you tell me about the guys is based on your subjective opinion.
2. You usually leave the important details out and that makes it difficult to see the big picture.
3. You never listen
...only when it is convenient for you.
You need to making friends out of the guys you meet. You make a mistake of giving the guy's "titles" like "prospect", "boyfriend", "the one"...
and you relate with them based on those titles
Take [your ex] for instance, he became a boyfriend without being a friend first...
That's why it is difficult for you guys to remain friends when you take the title away
Even the subsequent guys you met, you rather give them double promotion to boyfriend before they become friends...and that's why it's difficult to justify to yourself why you should consider them
So when you meet a guy, before you grant them titles please make them friends first
Posted by @adebsrk at 10:17 AM