When NYSC Posting F*cks You Up

I believe I'm correct in my assumption that almost everyone based/schooled in Lagos state desire to have their Youth service in Lagos. The remaining few would be those that were raised by very strict parents and in dire need of freedom, they simply want to be far away from their parents. NYSC posting was done at random but this was Nigeria, with money (all) things were possible. People decide to influence where they were posted by sorting whoever claimed could help. Other depend on their father's friend's junior sister's husband that worked in Abuja and knew someone that worked in the NYSC Lagos state secretariat to influence the posting to their desired state. Fact was no one was 100 percent certain the state they were being posted until they had their call-up letter and it read "LAG". This was usually less than a week to when they had to report to camp and if your connection worked, and you had been posted to Lagos you would be full of joy. If not, if your NYSC posting fucked you up, your few days before reporting to camp would be a rollercoaster of emotions. Even those that wanted to leave Lagos would feel down realising they were posted to Adamawa, where they had to take a 23 hours bus ride, while their friends would board a ₦100 bus to camp from Oshodi. I would know because I was in the situation.

If you expected to be posted to Lagos and you were not especially with your supposed connections and money spent, the first emotion you experience would be disbelief. Yea, the same emotion you experience when you hear someone close to you was dead. If you checked it yourself, you re-check. If it was by someone else you tell them, "stop playing, this is serious". By the time you come to terms with reality, you called whoever you paid to work it for you to tell 'em it didn't click. You call the person every 15 minutes to express your disappointment until the person begins to reject your calls. Some call their parents, with anxiety sipping through in their voice, telling them "It is not Lagos it is..." Yep, that was the point you realise you didn't know much about Nigeria. Your next action was to look for the other state you were posted to on the Nigeria map. It was then you'll realise how big the country was.

You begin to consider redeployment and everyone would tell you the same thing. You need to report to where ever state you were posted, complete the 3 weeks orientation camp. During that period find an opportunity to redeploy. They tell you redeployment was easy and all you needed was a medical report stating you had a life threatening condition. Asthma, Epilepsy, Leukaemia...sh!t like those. In the few days you had before reporting to camp you begin a journey to find the medical report from a federal hospital. With money you'll find. Some even get the printout of an EEG scan. At this point you begin to learn about these life threatening conditions because you were made to believe at one point you would face a panel in camp. The panel would interview you to determine if you were being honest or not by asking you questions. So if you claimed to be epileptic you had to talk the talk and look it (if being epileptic had a look). You had to know the names of the drugs and how to use it. You find yourself learning so much about it they might as well give you a degree.
Babes could redeploy if they were married or pregnant and had to be with their husband. A babe once used her brother's picture as that of her husband. That way the fake marriage certificate she got would explain why her surname was still the same. About the pregnancy as an excuse to redeploy, goodluck faking that.

The few days left would be used for preparation. Since you had now come to terms you wouldn't be having your NYSC orientation in Lagos camp, you had to pack more stuffs to wherever you were going. You begin the make phone calls to find people also reporting to the same camp. Even an individual you hardly talked to during your university days would be your best friend at this point. You also had to prepare for a journey. If you had to travel to a non-western state, you had to book and pay for a ticket. Flight or road, there would be scarcity of seats for the first few days. You learn one more thing from the number of people reporting to camp. Nigeria had a high number of students that graduate every year.

The day before you leave for camp, you pack your stuffs and probably call your friends. I doubt you'll call those reporting to Lagos camp because you might feel they betrayed you by not connecting you to their link. Truth was, it wasn't their fault but that was what happens when NYSC posting fucks you up.