Friday, April 4, 2014

As Fast As Wikipedia...Vybz Kartel

You know what, I have to honour Wikipedia for fast updates. It's like there are people with fingers on their keyboard, waiting to update an article and press ENTER within the second.

I remember when the rapper Proof died, guess where I confirmed the news, Wikipedia. The date he died was included...with no delay.

So now, I heard Vybz Kartel was sentenced to 35 to life and guess the latest update on his Wikipedia page...

Quite funny though, Years active 2000 to 2014.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

What's up?

Lately, I've had lots of many I haven't had the time to pen 'em. I have to give credit to my workload on the job- there's so much to do one might be tempted to pray for few more hours during daytime.

Right now, I'm on the toilet bowl pretending to do "number two" while I do the one thing I love. needed the timeout.

But is this what life is. I learnt a quote from The Bee Movie, you've all your life (in school) to the point where you work for the rest of your life. Ouch!
Is this the point I should start to think of marriage? Yea, right.
Go to get back to work, shit! No network

Friday, March 7, 2014

Too Early for Regret

2013 feels like a year least I've lived in 2014 enough to stop writing 2013 anytime I write the date. It's March, and already some emotions left in 2013 tryin' to come in. Makin' me question why I left them behind- they hurt, that's why.

Wish she could come back though but it's too early for regrets.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Working for the Wo/Man

Nothing beats being your own boss- to be independent- and calling the shots. I believe a significant percent of the population strive for that regardless if they got a BSc. certificate or the only certificate that had was issued at birth. It was part of including our finances, work terms and conditions within our circle of influence. Well, before a lot of people get independent we have to kiss someone's ass.

So what's my experience like working for the man? Is there any point to emphasize how much it sucks because we know that isn't new. So I'll share an experience, you won't be far from the truth if referred to it as a typical day.

It was a Friday and the event that changed the course of that day occurred at 5:45pm. Can you believe that shit? Fifteen minutes before I walked out of that building and…TGIF. Shit!
Earlier in the day, that should be about 10am. A manager gave an instruction to a colleague, N330million will be transferred from a customer's account, but she had to get the required approval to make such transaction.
Hours later, she had the required approval. It was communicated to her via mail. She forwarded the mail to the colleague with me in copy to proceed with the transfer. By that time, I was the only one on the platform so I'll assume the colleague did not see the mail, right? About 30 minutes later the manager sent another email but this time it was directed at me to treat the transaction.

All I had to do was to populate an excel template and forward it to the appropriate department to treat…and I did. At 5:35pm, I received an email from the manager. It read she would come over to pick up evidence the transaction had been treated. Apparently, she had a meeting scheduled with the customer at 6:00pm. The customer was a typical high net worth individual- proud and believed could get anyone sacked by a text to the Managing Director. Sadly, it was true. He complained of service failure earlier that week and my unit head got a query to respond to. Everyone was on their toes to give him all in wanted that week.

I was about to print out the customer's account statement when the manager walked in. She stood beside and as I was about to press "Print" she asked, "Why is Thirty Million still in the account?"
I was lost. Apparently, N300million was transferred instead of N330million. Another service failure. That was how the rain of insults started. The name calling wasn't new but that did not make it acceptable. "Idiot" "irresponsible" "useless" and the usual "It seems you don't like your job" plus "a query to justify blah blah blah…and would go on suspension". She said a whole lot that meant I should kiss the job goodbye not to mention promotion. She emphasised it was a simple task…type N330million.

I sat there. I wasn't moved by the insults but confused how I made such mistake. I clicked on my sent items and opened the mail I sent for that transaction, it was N330million. Colleagues on the platform gathered behind me and confirmed it was N330million. The manager did not believe. I told her I copied the entire team in the mail. She decided to confirm from the inbox of a colleague I copied in the mail when I sent it in the afternoon. He opened it- it was N330million I requested transferred.

Maybe it is pride, guild, or bullshit, this manager showed no sign of remorse. Instead, the insult questioned how I did not notice it. Like that made any sense. She spent about 7 seconds and walked out of the building, no apology.
After all the insults labelled to my name in the presence of colleagues who decided to keep shut during the drama, one of 'em opened his mouth and said "get it sorted". I checked the bridge of his nose if there was trace of coke. If I had a low self-esteem I would probably take the rest of what was left over the Third Mainland Bridge and this guy talked about work.
What did I do? I picked up my phone and went home. The bullshit was more than enough for that day.
I think it's time to move on and do what I do best with most ease, write. Yea, the pay where I work is good but it doesn't compensate for the shit I go through. I asked myself, what if I had typed N300million, will that justify degrading a fellow human? The situation was also one that can be resolved but her reaction blew it out of proportion. It made one thing obvious, my job description, to 'em it was "a scapegoat". Everyone was under so much pressure and it was safer for them to pass it down to me. That way, if things go wrong I was to be blamed. I get blamed for issues that had nothing to do with me. That made it obvious no one got my back and it a financial environment, you don't want to be in such situation.
With Almighty God on my side, I am working towards my last day. It is time to move on from working for the Man.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

This is for 2014 by Adesina Ademola

This is for 2014 b

2013 just passed. Big fucking deal. 

NB: This is said with a hint of sarcasm and buckets of nonchalance.


Well, it’s for a number of reasons really.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am more than grateful that I have made it into the New Year. Actually, I probably have more to be thankful for than most people. But then again, I am rarely ever satisfied with anything. Call it the human condition, my human condition.

I have come away from 2013 with quite a few lessons and a few close shaves. I have been scared stiff (you’ll get the pun later) into thinking I was about to become a father at the tender age of 26 (don’t smirk; young men take that shit very seriously nowadays. The respective costs of Pampers/Huggies/Dr. Brown’s, Cerelac/SMA Gold put the fear of God into our respective wieners whenever we want to kpansh!). But then again, maybe when I am a rich and successful guy (God willing), some child will come and tell me that my indiscretions in Ipinle Omoluabi have come to haunt me. Watch this space!

I have learned that there really is no end to the capacity of the human animal (read as “being” for those of you with delicate sensibilities) to love as many people as possible all at once. Please do not read as promiscuity. It insults all promiscuous people.

I have learned that misery and despair can eat away at you. That it really is important to find the silver lining in all the clouds that cast your thoughts. You owe it to yourself!

I have failed at my (many) attempts to try and make everything I am involved in better. This one is actually very hilarious because while I am thinking “why can’t we try it like this because it would be so much better?” the other party is like ‘Give it a rest already you fucking know-it-all.” Come to think of it, it actually feels kind of pathetic because people will just be looking at you like “What is wrong with this one sef?”

Biggest lesson learned from 2013 - how not to be a horrible boss, shitty thinker, and incompetent leader. The amount of meaningless “strategy sessions”, half-assed decisions, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey activities that I have witnessed in Nigerian companies the past year alone has served the single purpose of helping me understand the need to listen to as many people as possible when making decisions that will affect more than just me. To be fair, a lot of the people I am aiming this one at have their hearts in the right place. But goddamit, your heads need to be calibrated a few notches above normal – that’s why you are expected to lead the company. But then again, maybe na me no just sabi life!

 Just read the last paragraph as “I’ve learned how not to be a horrible boss” and “I’ve learned how not to make earth-shattering stupid decisions, especially when the scenario involves more than me and my beautiful ego”.

And to the ass-kissing, apple-polishing shoe-shiners of the world (nothing against the shoe-shiner plying his trade in your hood, some of them are actually very nice guys), I’ve reinforced my life’s creed of not being one of your elite club. Yes, you will get ahead, nothing wrong with that. But please be rest assured, the word honor still means something to some of us. This may not make a lot of sense at the moment (even me sef dey doubt the sense behind this paragraph), but then again, not a lot of things in this world do. It’s just a thing of your world view.

NB2: The rest of what you are about to read might not make much sense, so I apologize in advance.

In a quick rundown, other things I’ve learned are:

1.       Detach your ego from work. It will hurt less that way.

2.       No need to get political. Leave that for people who don’t know their shit

3.       Be happy going for the best alone. The world will (hopefully) catch up later. And if they don’t, well, you might get fired for not being a team-player

4.       Be nice to others. But be a fucking drill sergeant from hell on yourself. You’ll thank yourself when you consistently deliver beyond everyone’s expectations.

5.       Enjoy poetry.

6.       Take walks by calm watersides (Bar beach doesn’t count). The spirit of calm can reach you there.

7.       Love.

I apologize for everything else that I have not written here. It is either my subconscious being selfish or I don’t know as much shit as I think I do. We’ll let the universe decide.

Have a blessed 2014.


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Happy New Year 2014

I got this as a new year greeting...

Alas, faith has made us see the light of this day, we longed for it in anticipation, birds did sing, plants did grow, all did banish moan, all to usher in this era, which would deal indelible marks on the eons of time, the inexorable time, the devouring time,that burnt the fierce tiger's jaws, burnt the phoenix in her blood,yet our deeds of valor has dared time, the dews of this day has ushered in the dawn of our prime,the beginning of a new Era, when everything becomes new.New life, new song, new love and new joy.Happy New year.����������