Wednesday, July 15, 2015
"Begin with the end in mind". Isn't that one of the habits of highly effective people? To apply that habit in one's career goals might be a bit straight forward, but how does that apply in relationships…how do you determine what you want in a relationship with someone you just met? As [kids], the end might be to get to the 3rd base but as we get older, third base is usually the first base so that goal becomes baseless. Relationships become complex [please note that the only factor that makes relationships complex are excuses]. So relationships become filled with excuses. Excuses about why you love A and B but want to hook up with C. Excuses about why you cannot maintain a steady relationship. Excuses about why you want to break up. To make up excuses is one of the habits of highly ineffective people.
I do not make excuses in relationships [unnecessarily], then again I do not have a specific end in mind… [see last paragraph]. I am a guy that goes with the flow and if at any moment the girlfriend says, "We need to talk?" My response is like, "OK. Do you want to break up?..No wahala".
I am not a though guy, maybe a bit insensitive but I know a few things I want in a relationship. One of them is to date someone that has no significant doubt about dating me. There is no point attempting to convince a partner on why she should stay in a relationship when she wants out. She must have nursed the idea for weeks and had the courage/confidence to voice it. I wrote in a previous post that the day major decisions are made and they day they were taken are not the same. They might even be months apart. If from your previous relationships you never saw the breakup coming, that is a cogent reason to accept the breakup proposal.
I know single ladies who claim to have the end in mind before they jump into any relationship. The [potential] is assessed before they accept to be exclusive [or not] and the end to 'em is usually marriage. How sweet! The fault of my Nigeria ladies it the failure to understand that to have the end in mind is not the same as to begin with the end in mind. For instance, a tennis player might have a career goal to win Wimbledon, which is the easy part. To BEGIN with the end in mind would involve the training sessions and all those exhaustive practice to win Wimbledon. But my Nigeria ladies prefer to only have the end in mind, and then they sit it out. If they are lucky to get a husband they begin to eat it out. I met a chic once who was all prophetic about her [yet to exist] future husband. She had rehearsed the wedding in her mind which exposed her wild imagination. She also provided insight about what her family life would be like. My response was, "You actually think you deserve such with your current lifestyle".
I do not have a specific end in mind that I apply in all relationships. That is because I recognise that individuals are unique and each make me crave for things based on their personality. I meet certain girls and the end is sex, just friends, or business associate. Yet to meet a chic whose personality will make me think of marriage. They talk about it but can't act it and I am a good judge of character.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Everyday you are going to meet people, men that you might not be certain of their intention apart from what they say...
As much as it will be unwise to give all a try, I will suggest you narrow your attention to the ones you are interested in...
Even when you meet someone you have interest in, I will suggest that you do not think through the relationship in your head prior to things happening...
Do not create (false) expectations. You already know what happens when you daydream of a family with a guy that hasn't proposed
Trust your instinct at times, and when in doubt- don't
I understand you tell me certain things because you have doubts but there are 3 main reasons I am not in any position to help effectively...
1. Whatever you tell me about the guys is based on your subjective opinion.
2. You usually leave the important details out and that makes it difficult to see the big picture.
3. You never listen
...only when it is convenient for you.
You need to making friends out of the guys you meet. You make a mistake of giving the guy's "titles" like "prospect", "boyfriend", "the one"...
and you relate with them based on those titles
Take [your ex] for instance, he became a boyfriend without being a friend first...
That's why it is difficult for you guys to remain friends when you take the title away
Even the subsequent guys you met, you rather give them double promotion to boyfriend before they become friends...and that's why it's difficult to justify to yourself why you should consider them
So when you meet a guy, before you grant them titles please make them friends first
Posted by @adebsrk at 10:17 AM
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Relationship is like education. In education, an individual needs to acquire the knowledge of a particular or several disciplines to aid the mastery of what was taught. This acquisition process is usually in stages and it could span decades. That's why is unusual to be awarded a Ph.d on the first day of elementary school. I believe people need to have such acquisition process in relationships. The knowledge to understand relationships is not in the classroom but rather in experiences.
A lot of people are in messed up relationships. The become messed up themselves after the relationship is...over. At that moment, some wonder what went wrong, who was wrong, and ask "I can't believe I could be that stupid/gullible?"
Relationships are complicated [at times] but it is not rocket science. I observed people that suffer withdrawal symptoms aftermath of a wrecked relationship lacked 3 main experiences. I know that the acquisition of these experiences will boost the self esteem and confidence of anyone in and out of the relationship.
Experience 1: To have a strong affection towards someone that doesn't feel the same way.
This experience is acquired early in life and mostly by guys. Such guys developed such attraction towards someone and got turned down in the most humiliating way ever. I don't include crush on celebrities, but people we are accessible to.
The knowledge acquired is that not everyone is for everybody. The individual realise that the love for another does not translate to the feeling being reciprocated. You either become friendzoned or avoided.
People who acquire this experience in their twenties, thirties, or forties react to such rejection with a negative approach. They tend to believe "something" must be wrong with them INSTEAD of "it wasn't meant to be".
Posted by @adebsrk at 1:27 PM
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
I could assume every chic wants a strong man by her side. Someone who's capable to make her feel protected at all times. The most important quality of a strong man is to make that d!ck hard...and strong. No apologies but having all the 6 packs ain't worth sh!t if you can't maintain your 6 or 7 inches for about 30 minutes. Isn't that the real man?
Sex should be exciting, after all, "excitement stage" is included in the sexual response cycle. But lately, my sex life is faaaaar from exciting. It feels like work, it feels like prelude to a cum and once I have an orgasm everything about sex irritates.
Years ago, I watched a movie about a guy who had sex indiscriminately till it got to a stage he couldn't have an orgasm and began to fake it. I know girls fake it and that's because they cum too slow but guys? I thought that part in the movie was science fiction, but lately...
A friend told me his penis went soft while fuck!ng. He didn't cum but went soft while thrusting. In his defence his mind was engrossed on how to make money. The babe got pissed and concluded she wasn't attractive enough. It felt hard to believe.
I had a similar experience; I was having sex and didn't feel it. I knew I won't have an orgasm because my d!ck wasn't excited. I asked the chic at intervals if she had an orgasm and stopped as soon as she came.
Nowadays I had to get drunk to fu*k cause my mind wanders and stop feeling things. I am getting soft.
Posted by @adebsrk at 12:29 PM
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Happy Easter everybody...If I am right, then today symbolises Jesus Christ's rising/ascension. Well, let me also raise this blog from the "dead".
I didn't have any plan today, probably to go watch Fast & Furious 7, before I received a call/invite to attend AY Live with one fine geh like that. The night could end in several ways, regardless, I hope it's interesting.
Waaay up, I feel blessed!
Happy Easter and don't eat meat, even if it's p***y.
Posted by @adebsrk at 8:36 AM
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
The year is almost elapsed and I can bet a whole lot of females out there are disappointed. Disappointment from not walking down the isle in 2014. These set of females probably attended more wedding ceremony of friends than a priest, and have racks of aso-ebi. Enough aso-ebi to start a boutique. "2015 will not be the same", they say.
The females with strong conviction are a step ahead this December by getting the boyfriend to propose. Does the proposal really mean anything? A guy proposed to his girlfriend cause she threatened to leave, so he "gave" her the ring with the plan to marry 2016. A friend got married recently after almost 2 year-engagement. The wedding was more like a shotgun ceremony 'cause she was tired of the wait.
I wish everyone the best, especially those who asked the question this month. As long as you know the reason you want to get married and why that person, you will have a "satisfied" marriage.
Posted by @adebsrk at 11:48 AM
Sunday, November 9, 2014
To cheat is to accept a fact that woman/man is insatiable and this act is the main proof of that fact in any relationship. What we want in relationships are basic- probably good looks, good sex, comfort. They are so basic that when satisfied we see the scars in the good looks, the monotony is the sex, and the comfort comes with [heart]ache.
There is a role everyone [un]consciously play in relationships which is to be on the lookout for cues our partner is unfaithful- how they cheat. There was a guy who memorised every item the girlfriend owned. He also knew the number of panties she owned and their colours. What a talent! He was so observant and the motivation was to determine if the girlfriend cheated. Each time he noticed a new item with her he questioned the source, suspecting it was from another guy.
Others with less mental ability to memorise prefer to ask questions...all the time. They act like Customer Care rep in the relationship. They question every act: it could be as worse as a silly question on why the partner spent 5 minutes 10 seconds in the bathroom instead of the average 4 minutes 50 seconds they were used to. A girl once told me she got to her boyfriend's place and rushed to the bathroom. Her boyfriend's questioned, "what are you washing off? Where were you?"
I dated a few girls that cheat and because I am the type of person who doesn't act on the spot. I was able to observe their behaviour prior to the confrontation. That was how I noticed a pattern on how [you] cheat. The [YOU] is every girl who cheated on me.
I noticed [you] cheat when you became incredibly forgiving. There were things I did that usually piss her off that didn't seem to move her anymore. That was how I discovered she was getting the D outside. In her mind, she was settling scores with her "forgiveness".
Once a girl begin to get the D outside, it becomes a bit easier to know how [you] cheat. I had a girlfriend that suddenly came up with karmasutra like styles. It started from the kiss, she did new things I knew she had a practical exercise. It was excitingly different. The same girl that preferred missionary style surprised me with a super reverse cowgirl. Few days of keen observation, I found out the guy she had been sleeping with.
I noticed [you] cheat when you call to know where I was and after my response you either say "I'm about to sleep" or "I'm about to visit a family member" living at my opposite direction.
One request, what are the signs that easily give away your cheating partner?
Posted by @adebsrk at 3:27 PM