Monday, September 26, 2011

No Excuse Toilet

I regard one of the greatest inventions as the toilet beautifully crafted to accommodate any ass and take any sh!t. In every house the toilet was a real decider if you were going to visit of sleep over. Yes we call it sh!t yet for hygiene sake we still consider where we drop it.

So...I was at a friend's place with few friends. It was a new house and well decorated. We were having fun -drinks and small chops, then, I decided to piss. He directed me to where the guest's rest room was and I saw one of the most beautiful toilets. It was so beautiful I raised the seat cover and decided to sh!t instead. One thing I noticed was it had no cistern [the water tank usually attached to flush] I didn't put it to thought. I assumed there would be a button somewhere. I sat there feeling good with myself until it was time to say goodbye to the wonderful experience.

I got cleaned up and was about to flush when it occurred to me...there really wasn't any cistern. I began to look for a lever or something to pull or push. I saw nothing. It became frustrating after 5 minutes and I couldn't leave the sh!t lying there. I finally got tired especially when there was a knock on the door. I decided to push down the seat cover and to my surprise, as soon as it made contact with the seat and it was completely covered, it flushed. I began to laugh at myself. The toilet's flush system was automatic and released water each time it was opened and closed. I fell in love with that toilet was perfect for those people that found it difficult to flush. I'll call it the No Excuse Toilet.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Wrong Reasons To Commit In a Relationship

Read an article by Jennifer Guavain, author of "How Not To Marry The Wrong Guy". These were the points I could gather...

Wrong reasons to commit in a relationship or want to:

• Age: The self-imposed biological clock is starting to tick a little louder...and you feel you need someone to call yours.

• Believing "Marriage will instantly make the relationship better." If the relationship isn't on point during courtship, it won't when married.

• "It's my last chance to get married and no one else will come along."

• "If it doesn't work out I can always get a
divorce." Guess what? Divorce isn't easy especially when only one partner is proposing it.

• We've dated for so long I don't want to waste all the time we have invested in the relationship.

• I don't want to be alone.

• He'll change after we get married.

• It is too late, too embarrassing and/or too expensive to call off the wedding

• He is a really nice guy; I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Then she shared "a favourite quote from the author Mignon McLaughlin: "When 'Why not do it?' barely outweighs 'Why do it?' -- don't do it. "

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Gay Blood

I see myself as a liberal individual but I got to admit some ideas still freak me out especially when such ideas had become real. One of such is the recent development in America that permits homosexuals to donate their blood. We have to be honest, blood donation is a selfless act to save gay blood?

I know Gaga and her devote Little Monsters would attack, "What is wrong with homosexuals donating their blood?" Naturally blood freaks me SCREAMS VIOLENCE regardless the volume [to me]. It doesn't seem right knowing if unfortunately I need transfusion, the blood of a homosexual would be pumped into me.
Years ago, before the identification of genes, scholars believed the human blood contained all personality characteristics of the individual. Giving rise to such sayings like "it is in his blood, he/she can't change". I am open to some people tagging me ignorant but this is more of a personal issue than an intellectual one and even if you provide "facts" to prove me wrong, "it is in my blood". I am not advocating against it, I am stating my stand which is gay blood freaks me out.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A Slap Should Convince You

I have female friends who become very critical of their boyfriend especially when they consider him a candidate of "the ONE". The one guy that [theoretically] would be the person they would spend the rest of their life with. Girls consider many things especially those below the belt, including the guy's 'pocket size' and the size of his penis. While making a decision might be tougher than a 5 numbered Sudoku puzzle, there are times the decision is easier. It could literally land with great force on a girl's face. Call it HOT SLAP, I call it reality check. I regretfully have female friends that have decided to become sparing partners with their boyfriends at their expense [of both physical and emotional pain].

Practically I believe a slap should convince any girl the guy doesn't deserve her but emotions [the deadly poison] might not allow her see the clear picture. The annoying part was when these girls rationalise and made excuses why they 'deserved' to be hit by their boyfriend. They further insult themselves by putting the blame on them. A girl once told me, "not all guys are like you that can control his temper". I replied, "it was statements like that that justify your belief it is acceptable to hit a female". The worst part was the girl made that statement with the lips that had been scarred by the boyfriend. One quick sign that shows the guy isn't man enough and would continue to hit you is when he is quick to hit you and no one else. There are several people that gets him angry but for he decides to hit YOU, not his friends, not his debtors of co-workers...You. When a guy beats up a girl, shame on him but when the girl continues to date him and that act persists, shame on her.

I believe one of the solutions is for girls to love themselves. Once they do, it would be difficult for a any guy to disrespect you and once he does you would know when/how to move on. It is based on a simple logic. Once you value anything, even people around you would be careful around that. These includes your beliefs and goals. So why not love and value yourself and your body and not placing another's violent selfish gratification over for human desire of self-acceptance especially from someone that claim to love you.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Seriously, Who Voted for Goodluck? (pt. 1) Atomic Energy

Atomic Energy

In this day and age, and stage of world peace, I can't believe a President is considering nuclear energy as an alternative power source. Yea, Goodluck once again is about to create a diversion for scholars to debate ignoring his ineffectiveness on issues of national importance. Since 1976 Nigeria had an Atomic Energy Commission which not surprising had been ineffective. When Obasanjo was in power he was asked his reason for not considering nuclear power to solve the electricity problem. He gave a realistic response which impressed me. The idea behind the statement was, the ineffectiveness behind the current epileptic power supply wasn't lack of resources but ineffectiveness of human resources. The dangers involved was too much a risk if the same hands were involved and considering the political nature of Nigeria.

The aftermath of Japan's Fukushima nuclear facility should have taught Jona the lesson we need not to experience. Even a world power like Germany is gradually withdrawing from that source of energy. So who the f@*k is Nigeria to attempt such? I don't think I should ask that question, I should be asking Seriously, who voted for Goodluck?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Worthless Kidnapped

Kidnapping is no doubt a current trend. At first it was exclusive to south-south militants but now, every Tom's Dick with Harrys' is abusing the "profession". The first kidnapping gone wrong I watched on the news was a girl that conspired with her boyfriend to get her "kidnapped". They demanded ransome from her parents who were obviously typical Igbo. The ransome was negotiated from fifty million naira to twenty thousand naira. The boyfriend was apprehended during the pickup and confessed.

Growing up I heard a whole lot about kidnapping/kidnappers and it made sense to define...KIDnappers, but now, we have RICHnappers, OLDnappers.
One of the rules of the streets was never to talk to strangers. It also included NOT collecting sweets and other treats that could be used to lure children and get them kidnapped. When an individual got kidnapped, no one expected any demand from the kidnapper. There was usually a ritual-money-making scheme behind each act. But nowadays it seem kidnappers have gone soft. Anyway, not everyone survive from the hands of kidnappers to tell the story. One of the lucky few was a young boy.

I was watching Mini Jojo on AIT then, THEN as in when Ali Baba still had his game show on the station. A young boy was brought on the show looking dirty. He had been kidnapped and freed. The live audience clapped while praising God Almighty. He was asked to explain. He said he was kidnapped with another kid and taken to an isolated area where he wasn't too young to understand the intention of the kidnappers. They were intended for blood money ritual. He was approached by the ritualist who made this statement regarding the boy, "Ori e ko gbabode". Loosely interpreted, using the boy for money making ritual was "bad market" because there was no wealth in his destiny. The live audience were now confused, didn't know how to respond to that. The fact remained he wasn't used and whether it was God working mysteriously or the ritualist was correct.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mr. Biggs [was] 10, now 25

I remember Mr. Biggs adverts during commercial breaks of the soap "Secrets of the Sand" in the 90s. The lyrics of the jingle included "Mr. Biggs is ten, come share with us, lots of love and excitement..." The fast food restaurant was the sh!t then. That felt like not too long ago. Recently I saw an ad, Mr. Biggs was now 25. 15 years went by just like that. So many things had change since I first heard the jingle, the world and my perception of it included.

I experienced nostalgia just thinking of the jingle. I remember other tv adverts I watched during the show. Supreme ice cream had one and FunTime Coconut chips "great time anytime". My focus isn't on childhood tv ads but on how much time can fly without us noticing and how our experiences were merely bookmarks in our lives which we use to measure how we had grown. As I remember Mr. Biggs jingle of 15 years ago, I also remember my life 15 years ago.

I would be heading to Mr. Biggs this evening because I want to "bookmark" an experience as I walk in. 15 years ago I doubt I could personally afford anything they had for sell behind the counter but today, it was the opposite story. It is definitely something to be grateful for especially being alive. And Congratulations to Mr. Biggs and I'm glad they were part of my childhood.