Friday, November 30, 2012

November 2012: What? Why? How?

Last day before the last month. Yaaay! *sarcastic* Being alive should be enough to celebrate, I guess. Anyway, matters arising...

Obama won his re-election, Donald Trump lost his mind.

Now, for this month..

• What should fans expect from Rafa Benitez as the new Chelsea FC manager?

• How will I celebrate my birthday? [If I celebrate it]

• Why is Boko Haram still an issue?

Friday, November 23, 2012

Who [doesn't] Want To Be A Millionaire

We live in dangerous financial times. A period where you could work for 30 days in a month for a salary that would last only 2 days. So tell me, who doesn't want to become a millionaire? I usually hang out with friends and talk about how to make that wealth. One of those days, a friend received a text message from MTN. It was an invitation to be an audience member for WWTBAM, but he had no idea what that meant. I told him "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire". We were all excited, after all, 20 audience member get a chance to win ₦20,000 each. Whenever I watched the TV show the audience got asked very easy questions and I was certain my friend would win. The text invited him to the recording at the Lekki studio on Saturday, with was 3 days away.

We planned how to spend the money- OUR money, like I said, dangerous financial times. We talked about relaxation techniques and finger exercises all to prep him. The audience questions were always easy and winning depended on 20 fastest fingers to press the answer in the right sequence. Saturday morning, he left home very early to arrive at the studio few minutes past seven.

To his surprise, he wasn't among the first 20 people to arrive. There were people there that reserved seats for family members still at home. The taping didn't start till past 10. By then the waiting area was crowded and got confused if everyone got the text. Probably it another MTN error. He asked around to know how many people got the text but no one did. It felt like he was the only one who received the text and that made him comfortable. Probably he would be made a priority.

Frank Edoho, the presenter, drove in his Range Rover. Minutes later the taping was about to start. The organisers wanted everyone to paticipate and seperated the crowd into 3 groups. Three episodes would be recorded that day and each group would make up each episode. He made the first group.
The security were not concerned about who received a text or not. The security check was to spot familiar faces they kept coming only to win ₦20,000 audience play prize money. It's not surprising people actually come every week to win ₦20,000.

The guy that sat by his side was one of 'em that made it there every week. While the show was going on, he kept saying "make them do finish, make I win ₦20,000"...he was certain he would win.

That time finally came for audience play...the question was asked. The seat numbers of the 20 successful audience members were called. My guy no get am o. The seat number of the impatient guy by his side was called. That was his 3rd time of winning.

Although my friend didn't win a dime, we were all going to match to the next taping. At least, the more we were the highter the probabilty someone would win..

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

My Heart Goes Out to This 28-year-old Female Virgin

A friend has a girlfriend, she is 28 years old, and a virgin. I should be happy for him but considering my stand on virgins...all I see was a 28-year-old.

I was impressed because I had no idea he could date a virgin for months. That was months with dry balls. He had tried stuffs to turn her on...even used his head. She felt stuffs, sexual urge but exerted self-control. I also have to give credit to my guy, he had opportunities but didn't force his way.

He made a statement that suggested anticipation of their first sex on the wedding night. We had to laugh at that. But seriously, it was funny- because he wasn't getting 'any' the thought of marriage crossed his mind.

He mentioned the girl felt the same way. She had "preserved" herself for 28 years and might as well continue till her wedding night. She told him, "Isn't it sex? You'll have enough and I might even be begging you". If you had no idea what I disliked about virgins that was one of it, making sex an issue.

Fact is both of them were old enough to marry and start a family. It was possible BUT I had to share my perception of what might happen. Imagine they got married...

There was a high probability of no sex on the wedding night. Girls that lost their virginity before the age of 20 complained of painful first intercourse, imagine a 28 years old whose hymen had been intact longer. He had the right to try but if she was in pain...they could try the following day. No need to rush, they were married already.

She could eventually feel dissapointed during first intercourse and that sex was overrated. He might want to have sex & she goes, "let's talk. How was work today?" Because sex doesn't freak her & due to how she had lived her life could do with it probably once a week.

Once married the issues faced would be more financial/economical than sexual. He would want to provide for the family, probably stress from work would get to him. He gets home only for the wife to ration the sex. Tell me why he won't cheat?

OR, she could love it but due to lack of experience become boring. Any girl can make a guy cum but you can't make us think about you during sex. She might be the one to make constant sex a priority while he just wants to sleep.

This babe was currently 28 and ageing 29 next year. I don't see her married and saying, "Honey, let's take two years off to enjoy our newly found sexual life". I believe any girl married at 28+ would want to keep the babies coming ASAP. In less than a year he would be sharing her boobs/mammary gland with Junior and that just kills the sex life. The boobs becomes less attractive with minimal foreplay with 'em. Same with her pussy, once a baby pops out you think twice before diving in with your tongue. In short, with sex all you want to do was get in, get out, go to sleep.
Imagine getting bored sexually with a chic that had less than two years nacking experience.

With a conservative mindset, it should be a blessing getting married to a 28-year-old virgin. But 50, 100 years ago I doubt we had that many 28-year-old virgin.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

I'm Not Your Type

So lately I've used a particular line on a regular "I'm not your type of guy". I say it in context where a girl with a probability of dating was involved. Regardless the initial attraction I usually come to my senses to evaluate if we were compatible. You see, that's the issue with girls- they seek comfort by listing conditions before compatibility.

Anyway, I take my time to observe the girl and decide if we were going to work out. If not, I back out. I saw that as a sign of maturity, you know, ending it before the relationship begun. Because I know guys will prefer the consolation prize of f*cking before moving ahead. Unfortunately, most girls don't see it that way & perceive it as being rejected.

How do I know if we won't be compatible? That's easy. First of all [go down low] I know myself at least more that anyone else. I know what motivates me and ticks me off. I have this technique described in one of my previous posts. Whenever I meet anyone, I do not make 'em aware of my likes & dislikes. In other words, I do not provide personal information that the individual could use in her/his persona around me. For instance, girls that dress half naked & heavy makeup in the name of sexy turn me off. I don't even care if you have a Nobel Prize in your name, I won't take you serious. I remember a girl that was dressed really (x2) sexy and I had to tell her, "You are really sexy". She smiled & responded, "Yes". My parting words were, "Then again, you are half naked. I can't think of anyone that dressed like you & didn't look sexy".

Anyway, I won't tell a girl that info. I allow her to be herself and when I noticed that was what she preferred I move ahead. Like I said, I used this criteria as an example.
I've told girls countless times what I just shared. Don't blab about what you like/dont like to a guy you just met because he would start pretending.

I've realised I wasn't the type of so many girls...and maybe I was at fault. Maybe I had such a high standard only feel girls could reach. BUT, I have to admit allowing girls to become their true self reveals stupidity of maximum proportion. Shirley once said I should change the kind of girls around me, I did & no difference. Stupidity was still a constant (k).

There was a girl I told, "I am not your type" recently. The girl like most had her rules. She talked about conditions, no sex, cheating,...blah blah blah. She told me her likes/dislikes and as expected they suggested a decent girl. I on the other hand shut up. I made her feel she had met the most liberal individual. In a very short time, I made her feel comfortable enough to pick calls of other guys interested in her. In that short time, she became stupid enough to talk about rendezvous spots. This girl even arranged in my presence to meet a guy in Ekiti state. This chic was ready to travel 6+hours to meet a guy. We smiled...and I deleted her phone number after visit. She called a week later to...nag, & I had to clear her that I wasn't her type.

Almost a year of being single, I have to admit to loving it.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

How To Make A Girl Cheat On Her Boyfriend : Part 2

In part one (which you can read by clicking on ---> ) I talked about making the girl know it was only about sex and no intent to end her relationship. That approach made the girl less defensive when talking about her relationship, and more likely to cheat.

A second approach that made it easier for a girl to cheat was to...

2) Keep It Coded

The result of a research showed people would most likely commit a crime when there was no possibility of getting caught. The same goes for cheating - girls were likely to cheat as long as they won't get caught. What convinced me was the most likely place I got laid - 'Stamford Bridge'. During my student days in the University of Lagos, I hardly brought girls home from school for matches because of the distance. By girls I'm referring to fellow students that resided on campus. My place wasn't far, but when you want to f*ck a 30 to 40 minutes trip could seem like hours. I preferred to invite the girl over to any of my friend's place that was close to school. I believed it was better because it would be easier for her to come over and less stressful. She would most likely honour the invitation but... I hardly f*cked. I felt the girl probably didn't feel me until I realised the same chic that won't f*ck me in my friend's place which was close to school would gladly f*ck my brains out in my place far from school.

I learnt a lesson from that scenario: when it comes to sex no place was too far to get it, especially for girls. While a guy could spend any amount to f*ck a girl, the female could travel any distance for the same act.

So if distance wasn't an issue there had to be a reason she wasn't giving any close to school. The answer was pretty close - it was close to school.

F*cking a girl close to school had consequences. There was a high probability she could be seen, or stumble upon someone that knew her. Probably a course mate, another male admirer, boyfriend, boyfriend's friend, or a family member that wanted to give her a surprise visit...or was just passing by. So the farther she was from the vicinity with a high probability to be recognised and caught f*cking (Red Zone), the higher the chances of f*cking. I had to take her to the Green Zone; which had the highest chance she would f*ck me with the lowest probability of being recognised by anyone.

I applied that logic to girls in relationships. I had to take her to the green zone which was the safest distance from her boyfriend. I remember back in NYSC camp, girls that were supposed to be in committed relationship back in their respective homes f*cked like there was no tomorrow. A particular girl that misused and abused sex with a fellow corps member for 2 days after orientation camp in Adamawa was not bothered even when her boyfriend called. Her boyfriend was in Lagos and they were over 20 hours away by road. The guy she messed around with would return to the eastern part of Nigeria & there was a large probability not seeing again.

But I can't always travel with a chic all because I want to f*ck. I had to create the green zone perception. There are two questions girls ask about location that determined if my place was a green zone and would getting any;

1) Where do you stay?

2) Who do you live with?

If a girl want to cheat on her boyfriend with me, I knew the answers I give must suggest privacy. Fortunately, I live in a coded area. A line I've used a few times was, "feel free to scream, no one will hear you". That makes them feel comfortable...wonder why?

Another important factor in keeping it coded was shutting up. I learnt the hard way girls were interested in how you f*ck but not who you f*ck. Sure, they asked to know if there were an acquaintance to anyone I've bedded but the truth was they don't want to know. It was one of their trick questions. It was best to deny, even when a chic she was certain I had sex with was mentioned.
She said, "Stop lying, she told me you guys had sex". I replied, "She said that? She obviously didn't want to make it appear I wasn't man enough to have her...That we were so close and I didn't even see underneath her clothes. I'm sure she hoped to cover my shame".

It wasn't a situation of "a gentleman doesn't tell" but whatever I said about chics I've fucked implied I would say the same about her.

A girl that was contemplating to cheat needed that feeling...of being in a green zone and discretion from my part. Those two were required to keep it coded.

The next approach on how to make her cheat on her boyfriend is closely related to the previous one...

3) Don't tell friends

I used to make that mistake, providing step by step updates about a girl to close friends like I was a commentator. I realised majority of the girls I told my friends about won't date me. There were two reasons, one, most of 'em were talented in giving bad advice. Two, most of them will want to f*ck her and make the whole sh!t complicated.
If I want a girl to cheat...nobody knows. The bitter truth was cheating is exciting. Once I tell friends they also want to f*ck her & claim I was not committed enough with the girl to stop them.

Some guys might feel their friends will not woo the girl they were dropping serious lyrics on, and they tell them. I know information changes people & once a friend knows the girl will sense it. A slight change in his behaviour would be noticed.

Girls have this sensor...if I had fucked a girl and I tell a friend, she would know. He doesn't even have to utter a word because a single look was enough to alert her it was no longer a covert mission. The CIA in her DNA goes off- we have been compromised, abort mission - and that was the end.

What was even the point of telling a friend when I expect him not to act on it.

Monday, November 12, 2012

How To Make A Girl Cheat on Her Boyfriend : Part 1

Most of the girls I had sex with were in relationships when I approached them. Maybe not a committed one, but there was that one guy she called 'boyfriend'. Having one does not discourage me, to the contrary, I took it as a challenge to have her. An unsatisfied need is motivating.

My experiences taught me the best ways to make a girl cheat especially if I only wanted sex then move ahead. If she was fucking her man, chances are she will definitely f*ck me too. Like I once said, calling someone a boyfriend/ girlfriend was the socially accepted way of saying "that's the person I am fucking". All I had to do was give her socially acceptable reasons to cheat.

I'm going to share the ways/approach that made it possibly for me to make a girl cheat. I don't know if it would work for readers discretion is advised.

#1) Acknowledge the Relationship and Don't talk her out of it.

A misconception I used to have was that the best way to make a girl cheat on her boyfriend was by saying things to make her leave him. It seemed logical (but stupid) to push him out of the picture...all because I only want to f*ck.

In the process of arguing my case on why I was better, I found myself saying things to commit myself. Falsely implying what I felt was stronger than that of her boyfriend as I cooked up fairytale of my undying love. The outcome of this approach was I might f*ck the girl after a long while and also place myself in a very uncomfortable position afterwards.

Whatever I must have said to woo her made it difficult to simply f*ck and just leave. I know guys who would tell a girl they loved her, f*ck, and move ahead without an ounce of guilt on their conscience. I wasn't one of them- I do not like my words used against me.
It took a couple of years to realise girls deserved part of the blame whenever a guy lied about his feelings. They dug the grave of commitment and cleared the road for me to fall in. They achieve this by asking trick questions. Questions like;

"What do you really want from me?"

"Why do you like/love me?"

"I have a boyfriend, what do you want me to do?"

Whenever I was asked questions like those I used to extol the girl's virtues, emphasising on how I would appreciate her perfect she would be in my life. After I implied that, the girl expected me to act on it and that's how a supposed one-night stand becomes an affair. She would never leave the boyfriend, yet keep me as an auxiliary boyfriend. She would eat her cake and have it. Expecting me to always be there for her and understand if she didn't have my time everytime she was with him, after all, I knew she had a boyfriend.

I changed my approach because it obviously did not pay me and I realised why girls asked those trick questions- they wanted a reason to justify f*cking me and not feel guilty. I observed a girl won't feel bad for sleeping with 10 men as long as she made herself believe they loved her (or they were boyfriends). Those answers I used to provide was to clear her conscience...if that was the case, I could achieve that without saying I loved her or better than him.

The approach that worked for me was being upfront because it supported by my personality. It was about making her know it was only about strings attached. At this point I know girls would deny the possibility of that being the best approach. I mean, how can I just tell a girl in a relationship to f*ck me and she would accept? Well...

I realised It was easier to f*ck a random girl than to 'convert' her to a girlfriend just to f*ck her. Take this quick exercise, think about the girls/guys you've kissed/fucked. What was the ratio of those you were dating when you were involved in those acts to those you weren't? For most people, they had been sexually involved with more people they weren't dating. This meant I had a higher chance to f*ck a girl than to date her.

Same with fucking a girl in a relationship. It was easier to f*ck her after I assured her the relationship with the boyfriend would be left intact. So instead of talking about how I was a better man, I focus on how I would f*ck her and give her multiple orgasms. Even if her boyfriend fucked her on a daily the feeling can't be the same, law of diminishing returns set in and a "new good one-time dick" would add the spark into her sex life.

Cheating was all about SEX...focus on that & not a new relationship.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Introducing Ade is 2

This post marks the two year anniversary of ''. Two years of writing posts inspired by experiences. Most of 'em mine, few of people around me. Experiences I've labelled as "stories" because that was what our experiences were as we tell others. Some experiences we share as jokes and laugh about it. People could also be shy and lock up shameful experiences. They could bury them deep in their unconscious and lock 'em as secrets, I wonder why?
I didn't dream of living a life to build empires neither do I not crave for fictional immortality. All I have to be remembered for when I'm gone are my experiences and that's why I share 'em using this platform. Either good or bad I welcome them because they made me.

How it started...

The idea of blogging came from Shirleyanne. Prior to her suggestion I had no idea what it was. Sure I had designed websites in the past, also had pages on 'Tripod' and 'Bravenet' back then. I was also used to picking up paper to write issues that involved me.
She was like, you could post your write ups online using Blogger. It sounded like a good idea but I wasn't a fan of short stories or posts. I had to learn to convey my thoughts in few words. But first...I needed a blog address and a blog title.

And I shall call thee...

I desired a name that won't contain words including "Memoir","Dairy", "Adventures", "Life of a...", "Chronicles of...", "Musings" and "Nigeria(n)/9ja". Those names lacked creativity. I decided to 'consult' my first love - music - and got ideas for my blog name and title. The name 'Introducing Ade' was inspired by Joss Stone's debut album - Introducing Joss Stone. The blog title, 'Story of The Year', was from a band of same name. It fit perfectly to my what I wanted the blog to be about.
The best way to introduce myself to YOU was by sharing by stories of my year.

The first post was [Any] or Nothing, and since then I've been consistent with posting materials. The greatest challenge at the inception was how to upload materials. I was mobile 90 percent of my day and in places without computer access. Blogger solved it with the 'Upload using email' feature. I could be anywhere and simply use my phone to type and send to the email address. I composed posts while in parties, cars...and upload with ease. With over 260 posts, about 20 of of them were typed and uploaded with a computer, the rest were done with my phone (including this post).

Blogville...or whatever they call it...
It seems everyone wants to blog. Everybody has something to say and believe their life was interesting. Well...after a month they return to their original hobby and quit blogging. There are lots of abandoned blogs out there and the number was on a daily increase. To those people, blogging was a good idea at that particular time only to lose interest.

I noticed most Nigerian bloggers were females and most active Nigerian bloggers were not based in Nigeria.
I have to say this, for someone based in Nigeria and doesn't make money from blogging, I am not aware of anyone that posts as frequent and with original materials as I do. Since 2010, the only month with no post was my period in NYSC orientation camp Adamawa and that was because my phone crashed.
261 posts in 24 months, average about 11 posts in a month...that's about a post every 3 days. And I still get to earn a living and live my life as I continue to share my experiences.

I found myself reading blogs authored by strangers. I wasn't reading just to comment and invite them to mine, I wanted to learn and see issues from their reality. I have to admit I was hardly impressed. The reason is simple, a whole lot of bloggers were not their real-self in their posts. Totally fake set of people...China fake.

I see 'writing' as an art to express and understand oneself... the easiest means to attain awareness. Pick up a pen to write about how your day was and you would discover new meanings to events and people encountered during the attempt to place sketchy thoughts into words. But in order to discover those meanings you had to reach a certain level of objectivity - to accept yourself for who you were. In simple words, you had to be honest with yourself. A whole lot of bloggers focus on their persona instead as they write - the way they want their (majorly anonymous) readers to see them. They write about the rainbows and ignore those aspects that brought dark clouds or shame. I had read blogs that if I were to write a profile on the authors, majority of 'em would be angels or the perfect girlfriend/wife and that's a fucking lie. These set of people always go for the norm in their write ups when in reality they are not normal.

This self deception extend to readers that comment as well. Then again, when the writer portray herself/himself as a saint what the f*ck do you expect visitors that comment do. For instance...

I noticed everytime a blogger posted after a lengthy absence the first paragraph would read like...

"Dusting cobwebs off blog..."

Like I implied earlier, a lying author beget false comments. So whenever the post begin with "Dusting cobwebs..." I read comments like...

"We missed you, glad you are back"

But seriously, who cared if you had nothing to write? It wasn't like your blog had up to 2 percent of Prison Break first season's excitement.

The issue with content...

I was honest with my feelings in my posts. I am certain because of friends made, then enemies made out of friends... but that's life - everyone can't like you. I try to respect people's privacy in my posts but it's fucking difficult. A few people read my blog and say, "so that's what you feel about me, I don't think we can continue as friends. I don't trust you".

I don't regret whatever I write because that was the best way to know true/real friends. They get to know me for who I was and still stick around.

Blogging provides an intrinsic satisfaction and that's why you won't see me submit my blog to be possibly nominated for 'Nigeria Blog Awards' or those sh!t - no offence to the organisers. I really appreciate everyone that read my blog but the first person I want to amuse in my posts was me. I don't need any accolades and recognition to achieve that. If I begin to consider the readers or awards, my posts would likely portray a persona that the readers would like. I would begin to paint another picture of who I really was just to please them.

Two years don waka...

I don't know for how long I will keep on with this but believe the reason to stop cannot be due to lack of materials. An issue I face was being confused with what I've uploaded and not. There are times I forget to click the 'Send' button after typing a material.

For suit me just fine and I will keep on writing. I checked my stats and was surprised to see I average close to 5000 page views per month...I assumed only 50 people read my blog. What are you guys reading and not commenting?

Thank You ALL...

Welcome to the Story of the [Year]

Monday, November 5, 2012

This Is Your Universe...

<--This is your universe, does it make sense?
Well, that's life!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Because I Can VERSUS Because I Need

I have this sense of maturity that feels like I've gained an 'experience point' in my life. This experience point was based on a question about why I should get involved in certain activities in the first place. The question was "Am I doing this because I can or because I need it?" Fact is I've always had the question in my head but it was more theoretical than practical. Now, I find myself acting more on it.

I remember back in the University of Lagos, there were students who took courses or discipline because they could and not because they needed it. All because a student was intelligent he went for difficult disciplines like Engineering or Law, disregarding the fact there was no passion for it. People tend to believe they had to utilise all their resources and most times push themselves pass their limit before they felt they were achieving something. To those people, I say life isn't always supposed to be pain isn't always no gain.

I noticed I had exercised getting involved in what I need and not what I could from the way I handled relationships. I've been [happily] single for the large percentage of the year. The issue was not with meeting girls I could date. I meet girls virtually everyday but I couldn't deceive myself I wanted to date 'em. The most we could share was sex and it doesn't worth it. I can't motivate myself to use 'sweet words' on girls with the aim of getting into her pants. I mean...I could but I don't need it, not the stage I'm in right now. There were few girls I would have love to date but they bring up a wall that I could break through but I don't need it. I could fight for love but not to get a girl that won't give me a chance. If she plays hard to get I move ahead.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...but I won't because I could. I rather focus...and do all things that strengthens me through Christ.