Monday, November 15, 2010
Postinor 1 (Prequel to ‘The Morning-After’)
When you study psychology you end up having one conflicting belief; never accept or reject a tentative statement or hypothesis until it has been tested. You hold this belief no matter how stupid it sounds or out of this world. It’s hard to hold this belief when you are around the guys I hang out with. These guys are one hilarious set of people who conjure some stories that always make me wonder. One of them was the case of ‘top-up’. Sir K. a very industrious guy in the area just had a baby girl, that was his third child and third girl. People might see nothing wrong with that but three girls in a row, these guys saw it as failure on his part for not topping-up. The concept of topping-up is this, once a chic is pregnant and you want her to deliver a boy you have to keep sleeping with her, adding more sperm to the womb. You have to do this for three to six months into her pregnancy. The more sperm in her the higher the probability of giving birth to a male. My argument was once there was fertilization all other sperm were wasting their time but this guys were unfazed. They left it open for me to prove them wrong, but nah! I wasn’t ready to carry out any 9 months experiment. The discussion circled around pregnancy that day, also how to prevent a chic from getting pregnant after an unprotected sex. It was a mixture of Andrew’s liver salts and lime. I challenged that also and they all laughed at me like I was the one that made a frivolous claim. I asked the basis for such claim and I got the response “everyone knows”. I knew no matter what I said, it wouldn’t change their beliefs but then again who said mine was right. I told them what I knew; lime’s citrus juice was acidic which would support the claim that it could be used as a microbicide. An acidic environment kills sperms even HIV, but I doubted drinking it would prevent pregnancy instead it should be ‘applied’ to the vagina. Naturally vaginas are acidic because vaginas have to be constantly clean and to prevent some offensive odours (that in some women are still unpreventable). One thing about sperm is that it raises temporarily the pH level of the vaginal for it to survive (and also other pathogens). My conclusion was that I was only going to concur with them if they agreed that applying lime directly to the vagina would prevent pregnancy because that way the vagina would remain acidic regardless of the sperm, but these guys just laughed off what I said. I received a text on my phone, a chic I was expecting was in front of my house and I had to leave those guys who kept laughing at me.
I wasn’t surprised by their response, I wasn’t even bothered. Walking down my street I saw from a distance a chic I had been dropping some of my punch lines. Two weeks ago she had turned me down citing ‘incompatible differences’ as the reason she couldn’t go out with me. Like a good lawyer I argued my case and won and it was only time before I took full custody of her… and now she was standing in front of my house, few steps away from
(my bedroom). I invited her in, told her I had to do some stuffs in my room and since I didn’t want to keep her waiting in the living room it was best she followed me. It all happened too fast that she didn’t have time to contemplate what I said. Seconds later she was in my room while I kept pacing as if looking for something important. Thirty minutes later we entered the “Stop it! Stop it” phase of having sex. For those endangered species of virgins out there, this was the phase where girls resist sexual advances by pushing you away, crossing her legs, and whispering “stop it”. Anyway, I knew what I had to do was to touch that one spot that would make her aaahhh! Ooooohhh! I did and I knew I had a five second lag time to get a condom and act fast; I was in a contemplation phase of having sex. This was the second phase of having sex where the guy had an opening and he had to decide fast if he should get a condom and risk the chick changing her mind or skin diving. The position of the condom mattered a lot and I had mine in my pocket. Don’t know how I did it but in record time, I zipped down, zipped up and… Stamford Bridge
Anyway, in record time I was also done. So the thing now was after the hormones were back to normal she walked out from the bathroom and said, “You came in me”. I resisted at first until I checked and… oh shit! This couldn’t be happening. When it happened I had no idea but I could see the rip. “I’m going to get pregnant” she said and that unsettled me. She educated me about safe period and all that and she was certain she was going to get pregnant. Out of nothing to say I said, “You can’t get pregnant”. (For those that read ‘3 Months’ this was the experience that inspired that scene). Her response shocked me, “Are you saying I’m barren and can’t get pregnant?” I was confused and she was panicking for us both. My head was going multiple calculations. Now I had to make a fast decision otherwise this chic was going to get pregnant. The lime issue came to my head and drinking lime along with Andrew’s liver salts sounded better than squeezing lime into her vagina. “You’ll have to take a drug” I said confidently. She replied questioning to know the drug I had in mind and I had no specific answer. I guessed there must be one. She accused me of being insensitive and a child that first I claimed she was barren and I wanted her to take any drug and destroy her womb. I was tempted to suggest lime but for some reasons I guessed she wouldn’t take it well. We made eye contact and I saw from her eyes she wished she could blame me for taking advantage but no one would believe that. She told me to wear my clothes and since I wanted her to take drugs she would follow me to buy them. I reminder her I didn’t have any in mind but she said I would have to ask. She was really looking sad and for once I thought I might be a father. We were outside a pharmacy when she told me she wasn’t going to follow me in and I understood. It felt shameful a girl walking into a pharmacy to buy a pregnancy prevention pill according to her. I was walking in when she called me back and said words I would never forget. “Ask for Postinol, the price is… Don’t let them cheat you.” I stopped for a second but my mind wondered for hours. First of all she hadn’t used her phone so I knew the name Postinol was from her head and she knew it was a pregnancy prevention pill. Secondly she knew the price so she must have bought it before. From her last statement about me being cheated implied she had bought it from at least a couple of places to know pharmacists were fond of hiking the prices. I thought about so many other things like why was she pretending and panicking when she knew what to use? Why was making me look like a fool? I walked into the pharmacy to hear it was out of stock due to popular demand. I told her the news and she replied she would get it in her area. I saw her off to the bus stop speechless. It was obvious this girl was a pro and I had just been schooled. My worry was no more from her getting pregnant but the kind after having unprotected sex with a … We truly had incompatible differences and I had to undo what had been done.