Monday, November 29, 2010

Mosque no get Choir: What Will Jesus do?

I had this friend who told me he admired the way I perceived issues especially the way I reacted to them. There was no doubt he regarded me as being intelligent and was fond of asking me questions about various life issues,ready to be amused, yet enlightened by my responses. One day he asked me what I thought was the difference between the Church and the Mosque. I was sure he was expecting a response that was bound to end up in an intellectual conversation and I was sure I disappointed him. I told him, “Mosque no get choir” he just starred and walked away [my answer wasn't wrong]. Don’t get me wrong. I take religion seriously and wouldn’t joke with it. The fact was at that point and the level of knowledge I had that was the only difference I could see.

Growing up in this modern world takes a lot of self-control to be a true follower. The way I saw religion was like a product that had been beautifully packaged but no matter how packaged the product was there were some information you expect to see; manufactured and expired date, ingredients, direction of use, and nutritional facts. I saw religion lacking in some of these information [hope you understood] or should I say too ambiguous. That was why two pastors would interpret a bible passage in two different ways. In my defence youthful years were the period of rationalisation. If you give a bible to a youth he would interpret it in such a way that it would not create much dissonance between his attitude and behaviour. A friend suggested a solution that would help me, he said that whenever I was in a tight corner I should ask myself, “What will Jesus do?”

The problem was as a youth I had no idea what Jesus would do in most of the situations I found myself. Don’t get me wrong I knew what was ‘good’ to do but what would Jesus had done. I knew what to do if someone was destroying the house of God because I knew what Jesus did, it's in the bible. But what about the time I had an erection in class in secondary school for doing nothing except being alive or the time I had the first wet dream which was the best sex stimulation, or the time a naked girl was in my bed and said "You, will fuck me today today!". The fact was when you consider how much youth rationalise plus how ignorant we are of what Jesus would do in particular situations the resulting behaviour was outrageous to say the least. I had also noticed from experience than even those that claimed to be religious do not know and fall into my category of 'ignorant what will Jesus do'. Christians of nowadays do not "walk through the valley of shadow of death", the preferred to erect a bridge and cross over it and by that I meant avoiding 'sinful' situations. Not to digress, the question was what will Jesus do and I have an experience to share.

I was chilling with Des (you might remember her from ‘[Any] or Nothing’) at the Lagoon front in the University of Lagos. We had been there for hours talking about everything with little importance when we were approached by a young man. He smiled. He was probably in his late twenties but in school that didn’t mattered. We kept quiet for this man to pass his message and walk away. He began by letting us know he was a post graduate student and the déjà vu he kept experiencing every time he walked on campus. He looked at me, “I was once like you. Is this your girlfriend?” I replied, “No.” What he asked was none of his concern. He laughed. “I was sitting way over there and I noticed your hands have been caressing her laps since, don’t be offended I am assuming we are all adults here.” Des [ignorant] as usual couldn’t help but laugh. She had been teasing me earlier about touching her would only get me hard-on and nothing more. “Don’t mind him.” She said. I knew her response would only give this man the audacity to keep talking and ignore the fact that no guy goes to a romantic place with a girl just to look into her eyes, he was spoiling my mojo. He smiled again and that one annoyed me. He talked about his life in the tertiary institution where he got his first degree and made a remarkable statement which I doubt I’ll ever forget. “I remember when I was in the university and all my friends were having sex, I didn’t understand what would make a man commit such an act against God. It is a deadly sin and I wanted a way to communicate to my friends the spiritual implications but first I needed to know what they enjoyed in it. So I got on my knees that God should guide me as I walk into this valley, and guide me safely out of it so I should have the knowledge to talk my friends out of it too.” You should know me by now, always curious. The statement he made was ambiguous and I needed clarification. “What valley?” I asked and he answered. “I started having sex because I wanted to know what my friends enjoyed in it in order to tell me friends to stop.” I was sure he felt stupid after he uttered that but I had to give him kudos for his art of communication, the way he said what he did trying to make it sound selfless. What I heard was, “I asked God for permission to start nacking.” I couldn’t think of any other way to say it and still be totally honest. I remember silently I said, “This guy get mind,” and Des heard and she responded by laughing. He turned his attention to me. “Let me tell you something, having sex is nothing. I had sex like every day, girls were begging me. I would have one in my bed while another would be knocking on my door…” While he was talking I was amazed, it was either this guy was lying or he was gifted. Was he blessed with the talent of nacking because of his 'spiritual' purpose. The point was he was attempting to show us he had changed and there was nothing to it. The guy had already burnt my cable for the day and I decided to go home besides it was getting late. I told Des we should leave but she didn’t want to, she was apparently enjoying this guy’s gist.

As I walked home that day what occupied my mind was what I said earlier. What would Jesus have done if his disciples were having indiscriminate sex and he wanted them to stop? Some Christians might say ‘pray’ but like I said youths rationalise. This guy did pray and told God he wanted to start having sex and should be guided, definitely Jesus would have prayed. To me what he did was bullshit. I didn't even get to ask if he succeeded converting friends. I wonder what he would have said, "Guys, you know I have nacked platinum and stopped, you too can do the same..."

I got home late that day after meaningless wandering and called Des, I noticed her tone wasn’t friendly at all and I made her tell me where she was. She replied it was too late for her to go home and decided to spend the night in that guy’s room. I just hoped he didn’t pray to know why I wanted to nack her.

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