Lust; Love Lost 1

Growing up was fun and filled with lessons that can’t be taught within the walls of a classroom. A lot has to do with the matters of the heart; the battle between the bipolar love and lust. I define lust as love lost, misplaced, misguided. These bipolar emotions are constantly competing with each other. When you are in love, lust is there to tempt you out of that state and vice versa. I wouldn’t focus on lust for now but on what I have learnt love could do which was n=more dangerous than lust.

I had this friend; he was one of those people whose problem was not having any real problems. He was from a wealthy family and that should explain a lot. He didn’t see the reason not to enjoy life and was fond of making spontaneous decisions that were easily backed by his parents. I liked the guy (no homo), for one he was true to his feelings. I mean, we were young and there was no point for not expressing our youthfulness. And when you are young feelings are easily expressed. I enjoyed hanging out with him ‘cause he attracted girls to himself and that opportune me to meet some. Economists call that positive externalities. A day came that he was the one that got attracted to a girl. Fact, she wasn’t all that but what he felt couldn’t be placed in words. I called it lust while he argued it was love at first sight. This girl was defensive and did not make it easy for him, she saw him as a predator and I felt for my friend. The girl’s physical appearance couldn’t beat the ones my friend got on a daily not to talk about the ones I got. He played his part and with time she bought his sincerity. For the first time he was in a relationship and that was bad for me ‘cause no more loose chics hanging around. Economists call this negative externalities.

Six months later my guy was single again and it was obvious he was the one hurting. I should have told him love came with a warning, ‘handle with care’. He refused to talk about what happened and I didn’t care to make him talk, he was back. I had to push him fast into the single band wagon. His skills became rusty after months of expressing his feelings to one person. I introduced him to someone, someone I knew liked him, and someone I knew was his specs. The relationship blossomed and I felt happy this time.  Weeks later he gave me the news that she was pregnant and he wanted her to keep it. I didn’t expect it to go that far, ever. We were all young but trust him, there was no obstacle stopping him especially when he came to the conclusion to marry her. My surprised was expressed in congratulations. I knew there was no talking him out of it, we were both from different worlds and mine was the sane one. He seemed satisfied while she was happy and the question that crossed my mind was what could possibly go wrong?

Couple of weeks later he told me he was off to the London. I initially joked about it. He was going to get married after she delivered and I thought he was off to do some shopping or something. He narrated how he got the news that his ex who left him miserable was involved in an accident in London was in a coma. I didn’t see the reason it was any of his business, that relationship was dead and buried. There was no convincing him again especially when he told me the reason they broke up. He had proposed to her but she called everything off when they realised they were both sickle cell carriers AS. Two of her brothers that were full sickle cell carriers, SS, died during their teenage years and that really got to her. She wasn’t going to risk giving birth to one. My friend told me he didn’t care about what she said any more, “I don’t care if we never have kids. I can’t believe I stayed away from her for this long. Help me tell … it’s over.” I understood the love he had for her was as strong as ever. Believe me when I say that guy travelled that night turning me to a messenger of bad news. I checked on her that evening but I couldn’t tell her, she looked the happiest I had seen her and I felt bad. Not because I introduced them but because I didn’t feel anything. Maybe I felt a little bit unsettled because she was the second person I should have told when it came to love handle with care. We joked and shared laughs and I made sure she had more than enough. Deep inside me I knew that was the last time I intended to see her and I wanted to leave a happy lasting memory. Days later I heard she had gotten the news I failed to deliver and it wasn’t from me or him. I also heard months later she had a still born but that I never got to confirm and I wouldn’t blame her if that was true. After all we all heard he got married to his ex after she woke from her coma and the biggest surprise that had a son the following year.