Tuesday, February 7, 2012

You Are Only a Girlfriend, Don't get Carried Away With The Title: The Definition

While Urban Dictionary defines Girlfriend as (n.) the one human female which holds certain super-human abilities such as: mind control, mood swings, playing tired, breaking the bank, and unlimited talking, I define "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" has the person you have chosen and socially accepted to have sex with without being called names. Yea, some people would say does a relationship always have to be about sex, well, if you aren't a virgin you are not supposed to have this view. Anyway, my focus is unrealistic expectation girlfriends have in a relationship, for some reasons (known only to them) they see themselves as top priority. You know a girl for few weeks, tag her as girlfriend, and she wants your world to evolve around her.
A lot of females have called me a kid on this issue, saying I ain't ready for a relationship. That if I wanted to commit I should be able to put the babe first all the time, but that's bullshit. We all are like football Managers with people in our lives the players. If a player wasn't performing well, regardless of the amount spent on the player, you sub him and place him on the bench until he picks up. In other words, no one had a permanent starting eleven position. The importance was to motivate them, to always put in their best. I see most girlfriends, even those of my friends believing they had a permanent starting spot, all because they were tagged "girlfriend". They demand too much of what they don't deserve and when you ask why such demand, the answer would be, "Because I'm your girlfriend/ boyfriend". My response in such situation was, "You are only a girlfriend, don't get carried away with the title".
The reason girlfriends act like such wasn't because they were selfish, it was because of a "loop hole" in word definition and reality. Most people relate to objects and people according to the definition given to them. For example, if you visit someone for the first time, you feel sleepy and the person suggest you sleep in her/his bed. From the word "bed" you think it would be something soft and comfortable. You get to the room only to find out it was entirely made of concrete. You are likely to challenge the person it wasn't a bed and at that moment the only point you have to make your defence was your DEFINITION of what a bed was. Back to girlfriends and boyfriends. Most people have a definition of what they should be, caring, loving, supporting blah blah blah, but in reality are they? When you acknowledge an individual was your gf/bf, you automatically give them the qualities and expectations you have for them according to your definition.
This definition was based on experiences (personal, friends, or TV) and to be honest, I doubt anyone would fully fit your definition because most people have unrealistic expectations in their definition. So because you were the girlfriend the guy wants you to be willing to have sex everytime, give him privacy...which might not be in your own definition as a girlfriend. Same with guys, the girlfriend might define you with the qualities you would define a father.
I believe in having realistic definition and that has nothing to do with the title you give the person but one unique of the individual. This was something I developed in Primary school after realising teachers weren't always right (that obviously changed my definition of a teacher). If you are lucky to date me, don't say you should do this and that because you are this. Don't say i should tell me my secrets because you are a girlfriend. And definitely don't think I will make you the one and only in my life, because I had friends that had been there before you and I have more qualities to define them than you. Once again, you are only a girlfriend, don't get carried away with your title.

14 comments:

  1. LMAO @ "the person you have chosen and socially accepted to have sex with without being called names."

    Being in a relationship takes understanding on both ends tho. While i don't think your boo should become such a priority that you neglect everyone else in your life, you still need to make special time for that person outside of the bedroom (or where ever u do your strokin) otherwise, why give them a special position in your life at all.

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  2. Yea...but you know when you girls do it, you just want to have your way at odd times to know how important you were in the guy's life.

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  3. I think the problem with most immature females is that when a guy communicates that he likes 'em, they want to push and push to see just how far he will go for them. Just how much shit he would take or how much giving and giving-up he would do for them.

    I think it has to do with that human failing of always needing someone else to reflect to us our worth and becoming totally reliant on that form of evaluation. For example, "if he spends half a million on a shopping spree just on me, then baby ain't I worth something!"

    When a girl has got this mindset, every need - both whimsical and concrete becomes an opportunity for her bf to play the proverbial Knight in Shining Armor; regardless of what it does to the guy or his feelings for her.

    It's not only guys who use females; and it's not only for sex that people use people within the sphere of romance. The most prevalent form is when we use someone else as a sounding board for our egos. & both males and females are equally guilty.

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    Replies
    1. Wow! This made sense. A whole lot of sense. If I'm to write any thing more, it would be, "It made sense".

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    2. I believe that everyone is "entitled" (Get it ^_^) to his/her own opinion so I will not dispute (too much) on what you believe.
      What I have against your comment is your use of the word female. You repeatedly refer to women/girls as females but such is NOT the case when you refer to men/boys.

      from a psychological perspective I could go on about your value/respect..or lack there of for women...but I won't.

      The words 'male or female' are usually used as an adjective in a scenario that describes the subject as unsual or not belonging i.e. Male nurse, female driver.
      It would have been a different case if you had also used the word male. Seeing as you did not (until the very end of your comment, when you [failing] try to equalize the two parties)I can only assume, correct me if I am wrong, that you are Sexist. And speak from a sexist point of view.

      Since I am in a typing mood, I 'll go ahead and give MY opinion on your comment :-)

      When a man see's his girlfriend chatting or dining with another man, does he not get jealous? In the event that the woman in question is confronted, would the man not say that her display was disrespectful?! Let's say he finds her dancing (dirty) with another man at a party. would he not be angry? Why? Because she is HIS girlfriend. So if a woman is obligated to conduct herself in a particular manner because she is someone's girlfriend should the same not go for the man?!

      My point is that a woman, or man, has a right to say you are my gf/bf and place emphasis on that title not because of selfish motives but because a MATURE man/woman who have decided to be exclusive have come to an agreement to make their relationship a (NOT THE) priority. SO no matter how whimsical or concrete her demand it should not be looked at (like in your point of view) as a worth- evaluator.

      My take is that what is practiced in a relationship before marriage is what should be practiced after vows. If you are so sure in yourself and the strength of your relationship to openly declare that this is the only person I am seeing. dating etc. it is the same as saying this is the person that has the potential to be wife. If your wife asks you to do something, would you turn her down? if your answer is no. why would you then turn down the request at the time she is your girlfriend...
      If in our society women are taught to rely on men, and men are taught to provide/support the women does it not make sense for a woman to want her partner (man) to rescue her from whatever situation she maybe in?

      This is why relationships, romantic, intimate etc are not for the young or slow in wisdom and maturity.

      Now I'm curious to know how old, Mr. Anonymous is?


      I think that would explain something.

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    3. omg...excuse the blog post ;-)

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    4. Wow! Like, wow!

      Well, I believe Mr. Anonymous was referring to "immature females" on his comment, got that from his first line. Then again, who said Anonymous was male.

      But, If truly the definition of being sexist was discrimination based on gender, especially against women, then you displayed signs of being sexist by assigning submissive roles to females which I'm sure no feminist would agree with. In my society, "Women were not taught to rely on men". In my society, the society rely on women because they had been the bedrock of the family...of everything.


      I do believe a significant number of (young) females were sexist (you are not alone), discriminating against their gender because it makes life easier for them. And not interested in equality (=) because it was easier for them to do their maths. I don't know the formula they use but, a girl admitting she was dating a guy = a guy providing her financial needs. Why can't it be equal? Why can't girls demand what they give? Why do females believe a $2 gift from them = a $2000 gift from the guy? And why do females believe girlfriend = Wife. Mikki, they aren't the same thing and that is why we have girlfriend/bf material and wife/husband material.

      A girlfriend is a girlfriend, don't get carried away with the title and think you are a wife. A recruit (girlfriend) is not = a General (wife). And if a recruit dream to big, the performance would be seen as a false pretext to become a General.

      And you shouldn't have played the age/maturity card. Negative experiences affect maturity in that aspect of one's life. For instance, if I've been hit few times by cars on the road, you can't say I'm not matured enough to cross the road. Same with relationships, there are certain types of females you date and the guy's orientation changes. I see Anonymous dating few of those people, the opinion had nothing to do with age.

      Omg...excuse my blog post, then again, this is my blog. ;-)

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    5. Lol.. Let me see If I can dissect this by paragraph.

      1. Regardless of the sex of "Anonymous" Sexism can be displayed against ones own gender. So here is where I WOULD bring up the female/male guy/girl.

      2. I believe majority of what I said was taken out of context.
      Let me quote myself:
      "If in our society women are taught to rely on men, and men are taught to provide/support the women"
      Major emphasis on IF. for starters the statement was prosed as a question, not as a personal stance. Secondly, I can only assume that by your name you are nigerian right? SO are you not aware of the messages that are taught in the church and in the mosque (even in the traditonal village) that woman are to be submissive to their husbands, care for their households etc. in essence the man still acts as the provider. note that there are many exceptions to this rule. But ultimately what is taught whether consciuosly or not is that the man is the provider...
      AND NOT JUST FINANCIALLY.


      Paragraphs 3-5
      I would def. have to say your logic is rather misguided.
      The psychologist in me would like to know if
      1. you have sisters?
      2. About the relationship between your parents and so on but....

      AS for maturity:
      Book smarts OR AGE does not equal Maturity/wisdom. Wisdom equals maturity. Truly learning from personal experiences and changing old methods and perspectives leads to maturity.

      If you keeping getting hit by a car does that not tell you that you are not ready (or capable of )crossing the road on your own? The analogy ( in your given context) is NOT similar to relationships which involve to people, two minds and two different perspectives on life.


      It's not my place... I would suggest reading http://a9jagreat.blogspot.com/

      or other equally good blogs on life and relationships. Maybe Myne Whitman's blog.

      I don't believe in Cat vs Mouse debates but it was quite refreshing.

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    6. Myne's blog I could read BUT a9jagreat, come on, that guy appears to me like a male with a missing rib that believed in butterflies and roses, and got Daddy issues. That's the nicest thing I could think of right now. Maybe I got your idea wrong, sorry for that, any discussion would be pointless if both parties don't understand each other. In my defence, I was up all night reading articles from all over the world.
      And were you suggesting I had family issues? Sorry but I don't talk about family on my blog...what I can tell you is you have no idea the type of family I grew up in.

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    7. NO insinuations deary...just wondering.
      ;-)

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  4. From the comment you made on a blog i just read (you opined that a man having sex with his maid in his matrimonial home is not a big deal)and from your write up here, i can see that you are an egotistical male chauvanist. Empty barrels really make the most noise.

    *Now sprinkles holy water*BE DELIVERED MY BROTHER!!

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  5. Where do you guys keep getting these words? Sometimes you make me feel like I am not a graduate, like I don't have a degree in Psychology, like I need You to tell me who I am...Like You know yourself better.
    Whatever (negative) statement I might say about females was because I love them too much but have a low tolerance for those that mess up. Wait till you see me raise my hand against a female before you decide to "christen" me with such names.
    I have made fun of being a Misogynist but that is where it ends.

    Thanks for reading & commenting. It shows you get my point but you don't agree with it.

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  6. My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years. In June it will be 7 years that we have been a part of each other lives. Recently he found out about a guy I slept with when we were separated and I did not tell him about. Before we got married we both agreed to let everything out and start fresh. I didn’t tell him. I was embarrassed bc the guy and I never actually had sex…just everything that led up to it. not to mention it was my brothers best friend and a huge mistake. well it came out recently along with some lies. A friend told my husband I cheated on him and I have never cheated on my husband nor would I ever. He is convinced I am a cheater. we have 2 beautiful kids and all I have ever wanted is a happy family. my kids and my husband truly are my everything. I can not see a future where my husband is not in it. I want to do whatever I can to save my marriage but I feel my husband is already set on the divorce. I know I could have been a better wife to him….a wife he deserves but now I fee like I have realized it too late. I look at my kids and I hate myself for allowing myself to break my family apart. I know my husband is not perfect and he has hurt me tremendously these past 5 years we have been off and on but we made it through for a reason. I love him and I want to save my marriage, one day a friend of my introduce me to a spell caster online who lift me up gave me hope and with-in 2 days after his spell my husband who told me he needed a divorce, called me and take me back home to me i must say today we are happily as one big family again all thanks to Dr joy a father and a real spell caster.Contact email address joylovespell@gmail.com Call him +2347059014517



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