Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Begin with no Excuse in Mind
"Begin with the end in mind". Isn't that one of the habits of highly effective people? To apply that habit in one's career goals might be a bit straight forward, but how does that apply in relationships…how do you determine what you want in a relationship with someone you just met? As [kids], the end might be to get to the 3rd base but as we get older, third base is usually the first base so that goal becomes baseless. Relationships become complex [please note that the only factor that makes relationships complex are excuses]. So relationships become filled with excuses. Excuses about why you love A and B but want to hook up with C. Excuses about why you cannot maintain a steady relationship. Excuses about why you want to break up. To make up excuses is one of the habits of highly ineffective people.
I do not make excuses in relationships [unnecessarily], then again I do not have a specific end in mind… [see last paragraph]. I am a guy that goes with the flow and if at any moment the girlfriend says, "We need to talk?" My response is like, "OK. Do you want to break up?..No wahala".
I am not a though guy, maybe a bit insensitive but I know a few things I want in a relationship. One of them is to date someone that has no significant doubt about dating me. There is no point attempting to convince a partner on why she should stay in a relationship when she wants out. She must have nursed the idea for weeks and had the courage/confidence to voice it. I wrote in a previous post that the day major decisions are made and they day they were taken are not the same. They might even be months apart. If from your previous relationships you never saw the breakup coming, that is a cogent reason to accept the breakup proposal.
I know single ladies who claim to have the end in mind before they jump into any relationship. The [potential] is assessed before they accept to be exclusive [or not] and the end to 'em is usually marriage. How sweet! The fault of my Nigeria ladies it the failure to understand that to have the end in mind is not the same as to begin with the end in mind. For instance, a tennis player might have a career goal to win Wimbledon, which is the easy part. To BEGIN with the end in mind would involve the training sessions and all those exhaustive practice to win Wimbledon. But my Nigeria ladies prefer to only have the end in mind, and then they sit it out. If they are lucky to get a husband they begin to eat it out. I met a chic once who was all prophetic about her [yet to exist] future husband. She had rehearsed the wedding in her mind which exposed her wild imagination. She also provided insight about what her family life would be like. My response was, "You actually think you deserve such with your current lifestyle".
I do not have a specific end in mind that I apply in all relationships. That is because I recognise that individuals are unique and each make me crave for things based on their personality. I meet certain girls and the end is sex, just friends, or business associate. Yet to meet a chic whose personality will make me think of marriage. They talk about it but can't act it and I am a good judge of character.