Sunday, July 12, 2015

How Not To Date

Everyday you are going to meet people, men that you might not be certain of their intention apart from what they say...

As much as it will be unwise to give all a try, I will suggest you narrow your attention to the ones you are interested in...

Even when you meet someone you have interest in, I will suggest that you do not think through the relationship in your head prior to things happening...

Do not create (false) expectations. You already know what happens when you daydream of a family with a guy that hasn't proposed 

Trust your instinct at times, and when in doubt- don't 

I understand you tell me certain things because you have doubts but there are 3 main reasons I am not in any position to help effectively...

1. Whatever you tell me about the guys is based on your subjective opinion.

2. You usually leave the important details out and that makes it difficult to see the big picture.

3. You never listen

...only when it is convenient for you. 

You need to making friends out of the guys you meet. You make a mistake of giving the guy's "titles" like "prospect", "boyfriend", "the one"...
and you relate with them based on those titles

Take [your ex] for instance, he became a boyfriend without being a friend first...

That's why it is difficult for you guys to remain friends when you take the title away

Even the subsequent guys you met, you rather give them double promotion to boyfriend before they become friends...and that's why it's difficult to justify to yourself why you should consider them
So when you meet a guy, before you grant them titles please make them friends first 


  1. you are right about being friends first. my ex and I were close pals before dating.. we dated all through uni.. he is actually my first EVERYTHING.. i love that man but we (well I) decided to cut things because its long distance now..we just finished uni.. still trying to find our feet.. we are both 24.. I worry..we decided to just keep thing casual for now because we dont know when we would see each other again.. I am looking for jobs in his new location so if it works out we would definitely date again but is this a good thing ? I have tried dating other people after him and to be honest.. the grass is not always greener on the other side.. I have tried dating older men (since we nigerians think its better to date older blah blah) and its been one stress to another..
    He says he stills wants me and loves me...I think I love him too..he is always there for me and we try to help each other all the time.. how else can one define love ? at this point I am all about getting a better paying job..and self development.. We decided to kkeep things open.. no pressure on us.. if it works fine.. if it doesnt.. i guess thats fine too..

    1. You know what makes me know I am in love?
      1. I do not doubt or question if I was in love. The feeling is too overwhelming to deny,
      2. I do not wait to be a better person or ensure that everything is smooth with my life goals before I be in a relationship. Fact is, I would be convinced the person I am in love with is the catalyst to achieve my potential.

      Your case, I will assume, is one of the desirable isn't available so the availabile becomes desirable. The last man standing, right? And he loves you, good for him but what about you?

      Love is the strongest non-transferable force in the universe. You can express love as strong as the force of an atomic bomb to another person and it can never guarantee the feeling will be reciprocated. What will probably be reciprocated is feelings birth from pity.

      You ex played his part, it is now your turn to complete your script.

    2. thank youu!

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