Friday, December 16, 2011

It's My Party & I'll Write If I Want To

The year I was born the world was Living on a Prayer...so it was only right a blessing conceived as me be born in the last month of the year. What a great way to end the year.
Incase you don't know me, call me Ade and today marks the date I was born. This is my party and I'll write if I want to. The last 365 days had been one of great discovery of who I am/should be...and the people around me. I found love in a hopeless place, lived there for a while and packed up my bags...I'll be gone till November. I also found out the true meaning of persona...how deceptive people could be with the mask they wear to cover their faces/intentions. Biggest lesson I learnt was you can't please ANYBODY. Do the best [the person deserves from you] and move ahead.
December last year wasn't special...I can't remember much except wandering around on Christmas day for Christmas food...hunger was nothing compared to what the new year had in store. [Any] continued her silent treatment in the new year...refusing to pick calls and all that sh!t ONLY for her to send a text one day about how it was all my fault...trying to make up or whatever. It would have meant something to me, probably I would have sensed her sincerity if her hair wasn't all messed up and it wasn't few days to her birthday. Yea, maybe I was jumping into a conclusion but she was that selfish. She did the same thing before going for service [that NYSC crap], this time the pretext was "borrow"...the money wasn't much, probably 3 to 4 thousand...BAD DEBT. The last time she "borrowed" and I reminded her to repay, she cried. I'm ready to do some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ish to delete her from my life but I need one thing from her. One jackass synced my ipod [of over ten thousand songs] on a system with only 2 songs...left me with those two songs. And they were even the same songs copied twice. [Any] has a back-up of my songs on her laptop and I've been trying to get them since July. This is December right? Still on it. Things have changed for her...I realised she has a boyfriend and I wish her good...and by "good" I mean the boyfriend fucks her good.
I had school mates/peers that got married, maybe that's a sign I should be thinking about doing that. It was easier/faster to f@*k girls nowadays with marriage format BUT I aint going to deceive myself. One of 'em fucks her lover when her husband goes to work. Blames herself for getting married early. It started with I can test your microphone but I can't allow you sex me cause that would be cheating...Let's just say I don't have any special regard for marriage nowadays, weddings were mere dress rehearsal of a decision you've made before that date. And it changes nothing...the girls would only change their husbands name to "my husband" for the first few years.
I saw a girl I once regarded as "the most intelligent female I know" after [more or less] a year. She said if she had seen me in January she would have shot me. Fact is sh!t happened...back in school [final year] some pussies attempted some Gossip Girl sh!t, dissing people on Facebook. There were two usernames used, one was the name of the course adviser while the other had a cool name [I must admit] Parrot King. And the girl happened to be one of those attacked...for obvious reasons I had to be suspected for being at least one of 'em because I was that guy you could expect anything from. Fact is I don't do any sh!t I can't take credit for and didn't trash the girl. She obviously believed I was the guy. Now I'm in a position where I can say who was responsible and I aint saying sh!t...thanks for pointing fingers at me BUT if you insist, the last name was YOU while the first name was FUCK.
In the last 365 days I found out my worst enemy is a relative...I know a lot of haters would be disappointed I aint giving them this award [better luck hating next year]. Fact is I pride myself as one of the easiest person to relate with but some people are not just cool with that. I can't even count the number of times I've heard "I'll crack your skull" for practically doing nothing. This hater would find fault in anything, even when I said "I'm not talking to you"...I guess that's life, even if you aint looking for trouble, trouble would look for you. From that experience I learnt a new definition of what family meant. If home is where the heart is...family are those that live in your home, your heart. Looking at it from that perspective you'll realise friends were more family to us than blood.
I realised my personal life is messed up and I don't love anyone...I suffer from lack of "object permanence" when attempting to build a relationship- out of sight was definitely out of mind. For the first time I consciously attempted to build a relationship & make it work BUT I don't trust these bitches, I, I, I don't trust these bitches. You know, Trust Issues.
I was hoping to be [at least] a millionaire [in $] by this year...I'm guessing it didn't come because I had revenge on my mind. Maybe because I wanted to f@*k some people up sooooooo bad they would need 9 months of anti-hating care to be delivered. Now I just don't give a f@*k about those peeps....I must have been so hard to watch, what a year for you niggas.
I wished I had beautiful tales to tell about these last 365 days...I had my laughs no doubt but the lows were there...some lows were lower than others and that created a false perception of an high. The next 365 days I have no idea of what to expect but if I'm alive to write then it's all good.
Happy Birthday to me...now I'll go ahead and delete those comments on my Facebook wall...those "HB LLNP Dearie/Honey/Baby/Sweetheart", "Where the party at?"....you know, all those unoriginal, creativity deprived birthday wishes.

9 comments:

  1. i read all the time but never comment, but today, i just wanna affirm what iv always though.. while you're talented and quite interesting you're a pretty sad guy. not even one love interest in this past one year which ive read your blog and sadly no one to spend the birthday with.

    poor baby

    happy birthday anyway...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anon obviously has never met you in person, and hasn't done a good job of reading in between the lines - where all writers pen their hearts. Ade! I hope you done with the revenge mode and by the way, i'll be focusing on the beauty of death in the coming year; you might want to give that some thought.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lonely doesn't mean being alone and vice versa @anonymous should get that straight. And you are obviously a girl because you think like one by jumping into conclusions. A sad guy is one that keeps the bullshit in and gets frustrated by everything...I'm the satisfied guy because I serve it as it comes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. tell me that Ipod sync story isfor real. 10,000 to 2 oh mine would shpting the guy help? I feel that loss for you. deeply.

    Not too late to wish you a better 365 days ahead!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Ginger I've gotten over it...just an oppotunity for me to get exposed to more new songs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. hmmmm, happy belated birthday! I definitely started singing along aloud when you quoted Drake lol. Every set of 365 brings up downs nonsense and awesomeness but like you said...as long as your around to keep writing for the next 365, thats (mostly) all that matters.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years. In June it will be 7 years that we have been a part of each other lives. Recently he found out about a guy I slept with when we were separated and I did not tell him about. Before we got married we both agreed to let everything out and start fresh. I didn’t tell him. I was embarrassed bc the guy and I never actually had sex…just everything that led up to it. not to mention it was my brothers best friend and a huge mistake. well it came out recently along with some lies. A friend told my husband I cheated on him and I have never cheated on my husband nor would I ever. He is convinced I am a cheater. we have 2 beautiful kids and all I have ever wanted is a happy family. my kids and my husband truly are my everything. I can not see a future where my husband is not in it. I want to do whatever I can to save my marriage but I feel my husband is already set on the divorce. I know I could have been a better wife to him….a wife he deserves but now I fee like I have realized it too late. I look at my kids and I hate myself for allowing myself to break my family apart. I know my husband is not perfect and he has hurt me tremendously these past 5 years we have been off and on but we made it through for a reason. I love him and I want to save my marriage, one day a friend of my introduce me to a spell caster online who lift me up gave me hope and with-in 2 days after his spell my husband who told me he needed a divorce, called me and take me back home to me i must say today we are happily as one big family again all thanks to Dr joy a father and a real spell caster.Contact email address joylovespell@gmail.com Call him +2347059014517



    ReplyDelete