Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Boy With The Fake Ass English Accent

It isn't a shocking news we have Nigerians that travel out of the country return with a "brand new English accent". It could be for a 3 week vacation or 4 years study course, regardless the duration they were away, they still return with an accent. They have an accent regardless of the country they visited [even if the English language was not spoken in that country they still returned with one]. A cousin spent barely 2 years in South Africa and returned with Cockney English. In case you don't know what that sounds like, if you or anyone were to fake a British accent it was most likely to be Cockney. Even Nigerians in England based in Liverpool tend to have the cockney accent instead of the Scouse accent. The way I interpret this is the desire to fool oneself in a bid to impress.

I met a secondary school classmate few months back. I hadn't seen him since our secondary school days...he was huge now and had a Beats earphone round his neck. He had girls giggling round him as they chatted while he spoke with a Cockney accent. The guy spent his childhood and most of his teenage years in Nigeria and I knew having a cockney accent had to be faked. I felt it was because of the girls he was faking it 'coz they seemed to be buying it. And I know girls are attracted to fake things- wigs, make-up, plastic surgery....a faked cockney accent should definitely fit in. By the time the girls left and I was alone with the guy and another old friend I bumped into earlier, I expected him to stop faking any foreign accent. But guy! This guy no stop. He continued to chew his tongue like he wanted us to know he hadn't been in the country since I last saw him. The guy told us he obtained his university degree in the UK [like we bothered to ask] and was in the country for the National Youth Service Corps programme which had been difficult for him to get a job placement. It would sound strange to those who had the belief that foreign trained Nigerian graduates were the top of the pecking other for Job placement. But after I heard the guy talk I knew Nigeria was moving forward by not being moved by bullshit.

The guy was initially posted to a secondary school to teach. He had a brief conversation with the Principal and his teaching career ended before it started. According to him, the principal asked if he schooled at all in Nigeria and he responded only his university years wasn't spent in Nigeria. The principal rejected him and told him it was because the students would not understand his accent. I felt the principal was convinced he didn't spend enough years in the UK to have an accent. She probably saw fakeness all over him. What he said next further made me stick to my belief he knew the accent was indeed an issue. "I won't change how I speak because of anyone, I've been in the UK and I can't come back to Nigeria and lower my standards." Etsheeeew....oshi! The same guy was rejected the second place he was posted to. The admin manager thought he was born and breed in the UK and felt he wouldn't complete the service programme. That he was most likely to find Nigeria unbearable and travel back to the UK. All these assumptions were made from a fake Cockney accent.

The typical Nigerian I know would lie he could speak Mandarin to get a job...this guy was deceiving himself he can't drop that fake cockney accent to get a job. I figured out his parents were still taking care of his ass, if not, this guy would not only switch back to his Nigerian accent but also speak pigin English join.


  1. lol! there's a big difference between speaking proper English and faking an accent, the fact you have a British accent doesn't mean you can speak English, neither does it mean one is posh. I truly wonder why Nigerians cant be proud of their Nigerian accent.

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