Monday, April 2, 2012

The [D] Project: You Can Only Lie With Words (pt. 4 of 13)

Once upon a time in 2011, I allowed a girl live with me in my room for what was supposed to be a few days. The plan was she crashed with me till she got her own apartment. Her name was [D], a chic that looked like sex from the south-south. Although things ended up like... I look back at that period to realise I learnt a lot. That period is known as The-[D]-Project and these were the lessons I learnt.

Lesson 1: You Can Only Lie With Words
Out of curiosity I wanted to know if she was in any serious relationship. It wasn’t a big deal to me but if this girl was going to share my bed I had to know if there was a guy somewhere wishing me bad. I had two options to find out. One, chill for a day or two to find out the one guy she talks to frequently or ask. Since I hate wasting time I preferred to ask but I couldn’t be direct. Nigerian girls have a way of making such question a big deal. It was either they refuse to answer or exaggerate about how their boyfriend was all these and heaven. 

I decided to use a technique that had worked for me combined with a philosophy I believe in. The technique is simple; I ask series of questions first to establish a baseline before I ask the main question. The same way lie detector tests were conducted- you ask neutral questions before the ones you needed answers to. The manner she use in answering compared to that of the baseline would determine if was answered honestly. The philosophy is simple; we can only lie with words. That’s why i need to observe the manner/tone/non-verbal aspect a question was answered.

First, I asked questions about her mum. "Fine", she replied immediately. If anyone I asked was truly "fine" she would answer in a similar tone. I also asked about her sister which she did the same. I kept on asking questions that won’t lead to her replying “why are you asking OR why do you want to know”. When she got real comfortable, “how is your boyfriend?” I asked. There was a pause...  I already had my answer. "He is...fine," she said finally. I knew that was a lie. That was the first question she paused before answering. The tone which she used to answer made it obvious it was a grey area.

I concluded if she had a boyfriend it wasn't rosy. It was an assumption I would have to work with. She added "[Any] would know better, I can't tell you". I didn't press further. [Any], I had forgotten she existed. She had gone silent since she told me about [D]; not a word about since. I noticed she had been chatting with [D] and the last message she sent was “Don’t let him know we are chatting”. I knew [D] would change her mind about not talking about her relationship. Fact was I've lost count of the number of times girls told me "I can't tell you about..." and later spill out their mind to things I never asked. It takes time and I have all it takes. She did tell me his name though, Francis.

She knew I didn’t believe about her relationship being ‘fine’ from the look on my face and attempted to convince [herself] the relationship was ok. Maybe I was jumping into conclusions, I do that a lot. Her phone rang while it was closer to me, I looked at the caller ID and told her it was “Sweetheart”. She paused and I could see the shock in her eyes like, It can’t be. “It has to be Francis,” I added as I passed her phone to her. She gave a sign of relief as she checked the ID to confirm and saw it was her mum. “You are not serious” she said and laughed. Why would a girl be relieved it wasn't her boyfriend on the phone?

That was enough answer for me. It confirmed something was definitely up in that relationship. She could use over a hundred words to talk about her relationship being on point but he reaction/tone/manner when talking about it expressed doubt. Like I said, we can only lie with words.

Part 5: Some People Don't Want To Be Happy 
Part 6: Our Skin, Our History 
Part 7: Pot Calling Kettle Black 
Part 8: Will You Marry You? 
Part 9: The Date 
Part 10: Time To Go
Part 11: REALLY, Time To Go 
Part 12: You Can't Please Anyone 


  1. why is this so short sir? After i came on bended knee begging u to continue on with the story, this is how u do me? smh