Friday, April 20, 2012
The [D] Project: Will You Marry You? (pt. 8 of 13)
Once upon a time in 2011, I allowed a girl live with me in my room for what was supposed to be a few days. The plan was she crashed with me till she got her own apartment. Her name was [D], a chic that looked like sex from the south-south. Although things ended up like... I look back at that period to realise I learnt a lot. That period is known as The-[D]-Project.
[D] had strong opinion about certain issues especially those I do not give a f*ck about. One of them was about marriage. She was 23 years young but believed she should have worked down the isle. She talked about marriage as if it was the ultimate goal of every female, the el dorado, and was determined to do anything to become a Mrs. She mentioned she made a convenant she made with God to get married before she was 24 years old, that was less than a year, and nothing was going to stop that.
But the issue was her desperation and it was obvious. That alone would scare any guy off knowing the babe was only interested in marriage and not taking time to build a relationship and be compatible. She related to every guy like a potential husband, some girls might see nothing wrong with that but you don’t put pressure on a guy who barely knew you. You don’t give him an offer as if he had no other option, as if you were the only girl in the world and he had a lot to lose if he refused. Another issue was her one and only boyfriend whom she now claimed was her ex, Francis. Although Francis maltreated her constantly the fact that they dated for 6 years made him the most likely candidate to tie the knot with. She saw him as the ‘insurance guy’, someone that would have to marry her if she got close to her deadline date.
According to her she would still get married even if it meant divorcing after one year. That was the level of desperation she was in. [D] wanted that ceremony to register in people’s mind she was married. She didn’t care about what happened afterwards although she would put in her best to make it work.
One would wonder why this level of urgency to get married. She gave me an insight one day as she began to lament, mentioning names of her peers. "(This girl) is married with 2 boys, (that girl) is married and pregnant, (that other girl) is getting married in 2 months time, even (one girl) that aborted up to 5 times in school is married with kids. Tell me, what is stopping me from getting married?" That was a good question and the answer was simple, ‘a husband’.
"A friend once said you attract to yourself people with similar personality and maybe you don’t like seeing you. [D] can you marry you?" I might be a bit harsh but I had to admit, the guys affiliated with her were deceptive just like her. [D] talked like an angel and the fact she had aborted and her definition of protected sex was still sticking to a partner [even if he was a cheating bastard] proved she wasn’t ready. That was also the reason I suggested the calibre of men that approached her were also tricky.
Remember the estate agent and the ‘banker’ who couldn’t spell. There was a married couple who gave her a ride once. While the wife walked into a store they exchanged numbers. He invited her over that weekend but to a friend’s place. She knew he was married yet spent hours chatting with him on why he wanted her to come. My opinion was cut this guy off. There was no point leaving an opening for him to convince you to visit. But she didn’t care. Any attention from a guy was all she needed.
I attempted to make this girl see marriage wasn't literally a do-or-die affair but she wasn't swayed. She said she had to marry to stop people from mocking her especially her father. You see, her father believed she was a slut and once told her he doubt any man would marry her. She wanted to prove him wrong while he was still alive. Her abortion made him have strong conviction about his opinion and she wanted to prove him wrong before he died.
Getting to select a guy in that situation was confusing so she sought the help of a pastor. Whenever she met a guy for the first time, she called the pastor to confirm if the relationship was worth pursuing. No jokes, you could meet her for the first time and while you were still asking names and all that, she would pick up her phone and tell the pastor about you to know if you were the one. I explained her dependency on her pastor might cost her. She would tell the pastor about someone she barely knew and she/he would give the verdict. The fact that her description to her pastor was subjective, and she had a rather shallow way of thinking, it was likely she told the pastor details that would be disapproving.
I wasn't surprised when she told me she asked her pastor if I was "the one". I had to clear the babe, "you didn't have to waste your call credit on that one. I have no intention of getting married to you. You see, we men might not know who we would eventually get married to BUT we know the type of girls we won't marry. And for my personality, you weren’t even in the background of the picture." She proved stubborn, said she couldn't fall for me. I laughed that off, see, I wasn't your Denzel but I know how to get what I want. I responded, "Maybe. Maybe if I was still in the university and I table your matter with the likes of Oshio and Kume, then you would have a change of heart". She responded with an egocentric speech about how different she was, "blah blah blah...Ade I CAN NOT fall for you.”