You'll always remain special.
Abidemi 'Bmars' Olaoye
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Happy Birthday Bmars
You'll always remain special.
Abidemi 'Bmars' Olaoye
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Poor Romantic Guy
In one of my earlier posts I related creativity with being romantic. A romantic girl/guy was a creative one. Creative in the choice of words with actions and when/how to express it. It is can't be learnt, you had to be born with it. Books might tell you giving flowers to a girl was romantic but not all girls would find that romantic. Anyway, I want to write about two life experiences about guys that attempted to be romantic by being creative, those experiences inspired me to write this piece.
There was a late night show on radio. The kind of show where the host's playlist was made up of classic blues and timeless beautiful serenades that would definitely make you think of a loved one (if you had any) while you hugged your pillow. As usual listeners would call in, make a shout out to a loved one and probably a request. A guy called in, he told the host how wonderful the show was...blah blah blah, and shared a problem. He said he had a girlfriend and they had a fight recently. She had decided to stop picking the guy's calls and never returned his. He requested the host call the girl on his behalf and apologise. The host obliged, got her number and called her on air. After few rings she picked up. He introduced himself and she said she knew who he was. He followed that with a question, "Someone requested I call you. He is someone that loves you very much and said you love him too. He also said you guys' relationship had been on for a while. Guess who the person was?" The girl laughed, that showed she was touched and mentioned the name. The sad part was she didn't mention the name of the guy that called in, it was another guy's name she said. The host stuttered for a while and informed her she was wrong and mentioned the name of the guy. The girl didn't take it lightly, she began to diss the guy that requested the host call her. She painted the guy a stalker that couldn't come to terms she wasn't interested in him. Till the last song played, subsequent callers had to sympathise with the guy. His saving grace was it was on the radio he shamed himself.
The second experience was a guy that decided to throw a surprise party for his girlfriend. He invited her friends and his to celebrate with her. He got a nice hotel for the venue and made sure he got everything she loved. The girl arrived and she was overtly excited. Everyone smiled, even on the faces of girls with envy in their eyes. An hour later the guy signalled the dj to cut the music and held the microphone to make a speech. He called the birthday girl to the centre of the venue for all to see. He confessed his undying love for her and went on a knee to propose. The girl responded, "I can't marry you, it is not as if I didn't tell you before we began dating. I told you then so what made you feel I have changed my mind? A party won't make me change my mind to consider getting married to you." Everyone felt the guy's pain as she strolled out of the party. That was how the party and relationship ended.
There was a late night show on radio. The kind of show where the host's playlist was made up of classic blues and timeless beautiful serenades that would definitely make you think of a loved one (if you had any) while you hugged your pillow. As usual listeners would call in, make a shout out to a loved one and probably a request. A guy called in, he told the host how wonderful the show was...blah blah blah, and shared a problem. He said he had a girlfriend and they had a fight recently. She had decided to stop picking the guy's calls and never returned his. He requested the host call the girl on his behalf and apologise. The host obliged, got her number and called her on air. After few rings she picked up. He introduced himself and she said she knew who he was. He followed that with a question, "Someone requested I call you. He is someone that loves you very much and said you love him too. He also said you guys' relationship had been on for a while. Guess who the person was?" The girl laughed, that showed she was touched and mentioned the name. The sad part was she didn't mention the name of the guy that called in, it was another guy's name she said. The host stuttered for a while and informed her she was wrong and mentioned the name of the guy. The girl didn't take it lightly, she began to diss the guy that requested the host call her. She painted the guy a stalker that couldn't come to terms she wasn't interested in him. Till the last song played, subsequent callers had to sympathise with the guy. His saving grace was it was on the radio he shamed himself.
The second experience was a guy that decided to throw a surprise party for his girlfriend. He invited her friends and his to celebrate with her. He got a nice hotel for the venue and made sure he got everything she loved. The girl arrived and she was overtly excited. Everyone smiled, even on the faces of girls with envy in their eyes. An hour later the guy signalled the dj to cut the music and held the microphone to make a speech. He called the birthday girl to the centre of the venue for all to see. He confessed his undying love for her and went on a knee to propose. The girl responded, "I can't marry you, it is not as if I didn't tell you before we began dating. I told you then so what made you feel I have changed my mind? A party won't make me change my mind to consider getting married to you." Everyone felt the guy's pain as she strolled out of the party. That was how the party and relationship ended.
Friday, June 17, 2011
God Said I Should Tell You "Blah Blah Blah..."
Ever seen a message like, "God said I should tell you he has seen you struggling...blah blah blah, SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST OR YOU WILL BE CURSED FOR 13 YEARS". Messages like that play on human emotions, doubt, and the fear of the unknown and were simply written to deceive or defraud. Consciously or unconsciously someone would send this out and a hoax viral begins. People would believe, without an idea if it was true or not. Not to mention where it originated.
There are lots of hoaxes, Corpus Christi about a 'Gay Jesus' movie; Water left in a plastic bottle in a car could cause cancer; Typing your ATM PIN backwards alerts the police; a male whale producing 400 gallons of sperm; Jackie Chan is dead; Will Smith is dead; Lady Gaga is an hermaphrodite... the list is cumulative. It baffles me when I receive such messages from people I thought were intellectuals or would at least google the claim before forwarding it. When faulted, they claim there was nothing to lose by believing the message but that was untrue.
Imagine a message "advising", saying if an individual was alone and about to experience a heart attack he should perform a cough CPR by coughing repeatedly. They claim the coughs would prevent the attack and that claim has no medical backing *dangerous*. Even those hoaxes about "forwarding messages and a person's problem would disappear after receiving a phone call in 15 minutes" is dangerous because it plays on the most important weapon man has, Faith.
I have included websites you could check out and read about the origin of these hoaxes and you would be surprised when you realise some you had believed and obviously laugh at your ignorance... then. And by the way, "I WAS ASKED TO TELL YOU TO CLICK ON THE FACEBOOK ICON AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST AND SHARE IT ON YOUR WALL. IF YOU DO ALL THE HATERS ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST WOULD REVEAL THEMSELVES, IF NOT YOU WILL DIE IN 2 MINUTES."
www.hoaxbusters.org
www.hoax-slayer.com
www.urbanlegends.about.com
There are lots of hoaxes, Corpus Christi about a 'Gay Jesus' movie; Water left in a plastic bottle in a car could cause cancer; Typing your ATM PIN backwards alerts the police; a male whale producing 400 gallons of sperm; Jackie Chan is dead; Will Smith is dead; Lady Gaga is an hermaphrodite... the list is cumulative. It baffles me when I receive such messages from people I thought were intellectuals or would at least google the claim before forwarding it. When faulted, they claim there was nothing to lose by believing the message but that was untrue.
Imagine a message "advising", saying if an individual was alone and about to experience a heart attack he should perform a cough CPR by coughing repeatedly. They claim the coughs would prevent the attack and that claim has no medical backing *dangerous*. Even those hoaxes about "forwarding messages and a person's problem would disappear after receiving a phone call in 15 minutes" is dangerous because it plays on the most important weapon man has, Faith.
I have included websites you could check out and read about the origin of these hoaxes and you would be surprised when you realise some you had believed and obviously laugh at your ignorance... then. And by the way, "I WAS ASKED TO TELL YOU TO CLICK ON THE FACEBOOK ICON AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST AND SHARE IT ON YOUR WALL. IF YOU DO ALL THE HATERS ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST WOULD REVEAL THEMSELVES, IF NOT YOU WILL DIE IN 2 MINUTES."
www.hoaxbusters.org
www.hoax-slayer.com
www.urbanlegends.about.com
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Don't Stop Believing
Just a Benue girl, living in a lonely world, she took an inter state bus going to Lagos...
Her Story
The only possession she had was a backpack filled with hopes and dreams, there was no space to include failure and lots of money.
She was probably in her in mid-twenties but when she spoke you would know she had enough experiences exceeding her age.
She said she came to Lagos to pursue her dream of becoming a superstar like Beyonce or Rihanna and she had a plan how to get to become a superstar.
Her Background
During secondary school she got pregnant and delivered. She had to drop-out and confessed that was the major blow to her academic pursuit. Reading became very difficult. Her family was not supportive so she wrote letter to the state governor of Kogi (not her own state) requesting for financial assistance. She heard the Lagos state governor was a nice guy and travelled down to Lagos to give him a similar letter. She got to the secretariat to drop the letter. With no relative in Lagos she sought refuge in a police station awaiting a quick response from the governor, she got none. A lot happened till she moved to a church and now she wants to take proactive steps to become Beyonce.
Her Plan
She talked about how she needed a pastor, preferably T. B Joshua or Chris Oyakilome, to pray for her and support her financially. Then she would go to Kennis Music and get her record deal. Sounds easy.
The Setback
I didn't hear her sing but from the way she talked, I doubt it. Her intonation alone was too local to be the next Beyonce. She didn't look exposed. She got uncomfortable in the church she was sleeping and walked up to somebody she didn't know for accommodation. The guy suggested she stayed at his place for the meantime and she agreed. One thing I know was that Lagos guys weren't that friendly especially to a broke girl. My fear was lots of guys would exploit her in Lagos and the only soundtracks she might be singing would be in the bedrooms of guys.
That is the down side of hope, either it moves you to your dreams or mislead you. Still we sing, don't stop believing.
Her Story
The only possession she had was a backpack filled with hopes and dreams, there was no space to include failure and lots of money.
She was probably in her in mid-twenties but when she spoke you would know she had enough experiences exceeding her age.
She said she came to Lagos to pursue her dream of becoming a superstar like Beyonce or Rihanna and she had a plan how to get to become a superstar.
Her Background
During secondary school she got pregnant and delivered. She had to drop-out and confessed that was the major blow to her academic pursuit. Reading became very difficult. Her family was not supportive so she wrote letter to the state governor of Kogi (not her own state) requesting for financial assistance. She heard the Lagos state governor was a nice guy and travelled down to Lagos to give him a similar letter. She got to the secretariat to drop the letter. With no relative in Lagos she sought refuge in a police station awaiting a quick response from the governor, she got none. A lot happened till she moved to a church and now she wants to take proactive steps to become Beyonce.
Her Plan
She talked about how she needed a pastor, preferably T. B Joshua or Chris Oyakilome, to pray for her and support her financially. Then she would go to Kennis Music and get her record deal. Sounds easy.
The Setback
I didn't hear her sing but from the way she talked, I doubt it. Her intonation alone was too local to be the next Beyonce. She didn't look exposed. She got uncomfortable in the church she was sleeping and walked up to somebody she didn't know for accommodation. The guy suggested she stayed at his place for the meantime and she agreed. One thing I know was that Lagos guys weren't that friendly especially to a broke girl. My fear was lots of guys would exploit her in Lagos and the only soundtracks she might be singing would be in the bedrooms of guys.
That is the down side of hope, either it moves you to your dreams or mislead you. Still we sing, don't stop believing.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Talent Dey Waste
If you've watched the audition stages of any talent show, you probably got amused by the kind of 'talents' most people had. Take Idols for example, you probably heard voices that could move you...to change the channel, but you rather laugh. What makes it more amazing was the level of seriousness these contestants portrayed as they sang off key or better yet on a "new key". I have friends who were music producers and I can assure you I have seen worse in their studios. What won't make you laugh freely in that situation was also the level of seriousness portrayed as they sang off key or better yet a "new key".
On these talent shows, you laugh at these individuals and most likely never remember their faces as they walked off the stage. In the studio you feel a rage of emotions, from frustration to sympathy for such singer. The singer pays for a session and all expenses, he/she was usually hyped and as they enter the vocal booth to voice the fun stops. A singer once took over an hour to take the first line of the song he penned and still it wasn't on key. He was better than a guy that got frustrated and stormed out of the studio screaming, "I am not singing again". Some don't care about how their singing was, like a guy that kept jumping off beat and key singing, "I am a celebrity, I am a celebrity, City People in the house, thank you, Photographers in the house, thank you, Shake your bum bum, bum bum..."
There are times it gets to me, when I see a guy cry because his voice wasn't coming out the way he thought from the speakers. Most times they cry not because of the money they had paid, but because they realised they had paid to realise they had no talent for their passion.
On the other side, there were individuals with wonderful voices and songs you would NEVER get to hear. The entertainment industry wasn't that welcoming. In America, you could use Youtube as a start to establish a fan base but in Nigeria, you had to PAY the radio djs and marketers to include your track on a bootleg compilation CD. And you had to do that till you got a break.
I feel I have to encourage everyone with a strong passion for music. In the right hands you would know where you fit. Just like football, not everyone can become a striker, you could play defence and that doesn't make you any less a footballer. Your passion might be actualised once you pick up a musical instrument if your singing voice wasn't on point. I just have to issue this warning, auto tune doesn't make you sound on key if you are not.
On these talent shows, you laugh at these individuals and most likely never remember their faces as they walked off the stage. In the studio you feel a rage of emotions, from frustration to sympathy for such singer. The singer pays for a session and all expenses, he/she was usually hyped and as they enter the vocal booth to voice the fun stops. A singer once took over an hour to take the first line of the song he penned and still it wasn't on key. He was better than a guy that got frustrated and stormed out of the studio screaming, "I am not singing again". Some don't care about how their singing was, like a guy that kept jumping off beat and key singing, "I am a celebrity, I am a celebrity, City People in the house, thank you, Photographers in the house, thank you, Shake your bum bum, bum bum..."
There are times it gets to me, when I see a guy cry because his voice wasn't coming out the way he thought from the speakers. Most times they cry not because of the money they had paid, but because they realised they had paid to realise they had no talent for their passion.
On the other side, there were individuals with wonderful voices and songs you would NEVER get to hear. The entertainment industry wasn't that welcoming. In America, you could use Youtube as a start to establish a fan base but in Nigeria, you had to PAY the radio djs and marketers to include your track on a bootleg compilation CD. And you had to do that till you got a break.
I feel I have to encourage everyone with a strong passion for music. In the right hands you would know where you fit. Just like football, not everyone can become a striker, you could play defence and that doesn't make you any less a footballer. Your passion might be actualised once you pick up a musical instrument if your singing voice wasn't on point. I just have to issue this warning, auto tune doesn't make you sound on key if you are not.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Am I A Misogynist?
I hate being labelled, probably because names/perceptions given to a person by others were more likely to stick than the name/description you give about yourself. If your friends perceive you as a liar that was more likely to stick that whatever your opinion on the issue was.
I remember a cartoon I watched when I was young, can't recall the name. There was a village where villagers' names coincidentally matched their occupation. They were not aware but when a stranger arrived he realised that. For example, a baby that was named Smith would be a blackSMITH. During the stranger's stay a robber was caught and the villagers chorused severe punishment. He interfered by asking the robber his name. I think it was Rob (I know it was related to stealing). He defended him and stated he only did what he was named to do. Anyway...that was what labelling could do (you could begin to act it) and I had been labelled a misogynist.
Urban Dictionary describes a misogynist as "a man that hates every bone in a woman's body, except his". Like most situations, the first response was denial. Truth was I've realised I was a quick attacker of a female's character and I have dissed females countless times. I even refer to them as "the other [specie]" so could it be I was one. I don't want to argue my case so I'll try and be objective in a subjective way. I got eleven misogynist jokes and if you find yourself laughing at most of them, then you might be one. By the way I had over 30 but the began to disgust me.
I have to warn some people might find it offensive especially the other [specie]. Enjoy!
1. What do you tell your girlfriend with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice.
2. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit her.
3. What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
4. Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.
5. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.
6. What are the three fastest means of communication?
a) Internet
b) Telephone
c) Tel-a-woman
7. What do a woman and a condom have in common?
They're both either in your wallet or on your d!ck.
8. How can you tell if you ve been fucking your girl too much?
Stick your thumb in her asshole and your middle finger up her snatch. If you can hear yourself snap your fingers, ease off a
little.
9. What's the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes silence.
10. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
11.Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her t!ts went.
I remember a cartoon I watched when I was young, can't recall the name. There was a village where villagers' names coincidentally matched their occupation. They were not aware but when a stranger arrived he realised that. For example, a baby that was named Smith would be a blackSMITH. During the stranger's stay a robber was caught and the villagers chorused severe punishment. He interfered by asking the robber his name. I think it was Rob (I know it was related to stealing). He defended him and stated he only did what he was named to do. Anyway...that was what labelling could do (you could begin to act it) and I had been labelled a misogynist.
Urban Dictionary describes a misogynist as "a man that hates every bone in a woman's body, except his". Like most situations, the first response was denial. Truth was I've realised I was a quick attacker of a female's character and I have dissed females countless times. I even refer to them as "the other [specie]" so could it be I was one. I don't want to argue my case so I'll try and be objective in a subjective way. I got eleven misogynist jokes and if you find yourself laughing at most of them, then you might be one. By the way I had over 30 but the began to disgust me.
I have to warn some people might find it offensive especially the other [specie]. Enjoy!
1. What do you tell your girlfriend with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice.
2. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit her.
3. What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
4. Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.
5. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.
6. What are the three fastest means of communication?
a) Internet
b) Telephone
c) Tel-a-woman
7. What do a woman and a condom have in common?
They're both either in your wallet or on your d!ck.
8. How can you tell if you ve been fucking your girl too much?
Stick your thumb in her asshole and your middle finger up her snatch. If you can hear yourself snap your fingers, ease off a
little.
9. What's the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes silence.
10. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
11.Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her t!ts went.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Why Complain When Haters Hate...
Why complain when haters hate, after all that was what haters were suppose to do.
I believe in world of opposites, good/bad, boy/girl, Celine Dion/ Rebecca Black...lovers/haters. The existence of opposites is a necessity for nature to arrive at an equilibrium, for us to cherish whatever position we were in and know when/how to improve. Just like haters; they see our potential and use it against us. To be honest there were haters who don't care if you had reached your potential, they just hate you for no reason. After all, that was what Haters were meant to do.
I was called "a lazy human being" one day. First thing I did was to introspect, to determine if I was indeed lazy. I decided to see myself in this person's eyes and concluded "Why bother, this is a hater." This was someone who got most things done through mummy and housemaids while I was the opposite. I graduated with a nice result while he had a withdrawal letter (twice). Yet he saw me as lazy.
Someone should have explained Haters to Soulja Boy who got dissed on his facebook wall by 'fans' for being talentless and he decided to retaliate. Even playing the racist card on the whites. Dissing haters only fuels the hate and your attention encourages them. But in all honesty Soulja Boy needed to step his game up. Someone described him as a "one shit wonder".
But Haters, wait till you see me on top, you would so talk your jaw would drop.
I believe in world of opposites, good/bad, boy/girl, Celine Dion/ Rebecca Black...lovers/haters. The existence of opposites is a necessity for nature to arrive at an equilibrium, for us to cherish whatever position we were in and know when/how to improve. Just like haters; they see our potential and use it against us. To be honest there were haters who don't care if you had reached your potential, they just hate you for no reason. After all, that was what Haters were meant to do.
I was called "a lazy human being" one day. First thing I did was to introspect, to determine if I was indeed lazy. I decided to see myself in this person's eyes and concluded "Why bother, this is a hater." This was someone who got most things done through mummy and housemaids while I was the opposite. I graduated with a nice result while he had a withdrawal letter (twice). Yet he saw me as lazy.
Someone should have explained Haters to Soulja Boy who got dissed on his facebook wall by 'fans' for being talentless and he decided to retaliate. Even playing the racist card on the whites. Dissing haters only fuels the hate and your attention encourages them. But in all honesty Soulja Boy needed to step his game up. Someone described him as a "one shit wonder".
But Haters, wait till you see me on top, you would so talk your jaw would drop.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
To Whom It May Concern
This post is not about anyone in particular...especially you Faith.
When I was down I saw people for who they really were and still never used that to judge them. I had an operation and told very few people about it, you were one of the few. How many did times you check on me? ZERO. How many times did you call? NONE. How many flash or "Please Call Me" text? LESS THAN ZERO. But immediately I felt a bit better I decided to check on you. We weren't dating but whatever could make a 'friend' not check on me must be serious enough for me to check on the friend as soon as I could walk. I was still recovering but I was determined to check up on you so I called that I was coming to see you. I got there and you refused to pick my calls making it difficult to see you. I had to see from your changing Blackberry status you were having fun at a party. You saw the missed calls and you did nothing. Apparently I wasted my time. I had to contact you later, NOT you. What is the point of having a 'friend' you can't count on? That you should have asked yourself before you insinuated I wasn't a good friend. Then you turned a habit to saying 'sharrap' and insulting. So you said it when I was in a 'bad' mood and I typed. (•͡_ •͡┌П┐ [fuck you] and apologised few minutes later. Unlike you who call me names and say you were JOKING...I APOLOGISED and you found that enough to paint me black. You tell me you have not changed, if this was you then I was mistaken in the first place. But if it works for you and makes you a better person and more people could testify to that; remain the same.
When I was down I saw people for who they really were and still never used that to judge them. I had an operation and told very few people about it, you were one of the few. How many did times you check on me? ZERO. How many times did you call? NONE. How many flash or "Please Call Me" text? LESS THAN ZERO. But immediately I felt a bit better I decided to check on you. We weren't dating but whatever could make a 'friend' not check on me must be serious enough for me to check on the friend as soon as I could walk. I was still recovering but I was determined to check up on you so I called that I was coming to see you. I got there and you refused to pick my calls making it difficult to see you. I had to see from your changing Blackberry status you were having fun at a party. You saw the missed calls and you did nothing. Apparently I wasted my time. I had to contact you later, NOT you. What is the point of having a 'friend' you can't count on? That you should have asked yourself before you insinuated I wasn't a good friend. Then you turned a habit to saying 'sharrap' and insulting. So you said it when I was in a 'bad' mood and I typed. (•͡_ •͡┌П┐ [fuck you] and apologised few minutes later. Unlike you who call me names and say you were JOKING...I APOLOGISED and you found that enough to paint me black. You tell me you have not changed, if this was you then I was mistaken in the first place. But if it works for you and makes you a better person and more people could testify to that; remain the same.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
What if FOI Act Included Those in Relationships?
I heard the Freedom of Information (FOI) bill had been passed into law and I wasn't bothered, although I had a sketchy idea of what it was. Then I heard on CNN that the news network as well as other news agencies in the USA had exercise their right provided by the FOI act, had requested for the emails of Sarah Palin, a one-time governor of Alaska and a vice-presidential candidate, and over 2000 pages of emails had been made available to the public. From both her public and private email account. I got an idea of what the FOI law was about and read it up. As long as an individual was a public officer, any Nigerian had the right to request for documents in their possession. Then I thought about it, what if the FOI law was extended to include those in relationships.
Imagine it was a law that as long as you were in a relationship with an individual for more than 3 years, including father/mother/sister/brother/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband, the individual had the right to request for certain information including your emails and bank accounts (which the FOI law requires public office holders to reveal), what would be the consequences? Good/Bad.
Parents that were used to lying to their children that there was no money to support them would have to back it up with their statements of account. Or wives that keep secret accounts. Personally I would be held by the balls if anyone I had dated had access to my emails, phone records, not to mention my facebook account. I would have to account for a lot. Fortunately I've never dated anyone for over a year. Then again who wouldn't have a lot to account for.
The whole idea of the FOI might be seen as a celebration of freedom of the press but there is always a way out. Clause 8 of the law provides that “a N500,000 fine when a case of wrongful denial of access is established against the defaulting officer or institution on conviction”. If I value my documented 'secrets' was worth more than N500,000 I would prefer to pay up, destroying/deleting them. Like the super injunctions, this law appears to favour the wealthy because N500,000 is a mere change.
Do I want FOI law to include relationships? No. Unlike public officers, deception makes relationships work. If some unloving wives knew their husband's worth, the husband might die early and they run away with one Chico in Puerto Rico. Like Sarah Palin stated, lots of her emails would be taken out of context. A simple missed call from an ex of the person you are in a relationship with might be misconceived, not to mention emails.
Imagine it was a law that as long as you were in a relationship with an individual for more than 3 years, including father/mother/sister/brother/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband, the individual had the right to request for certain information including your emails and bank accounts (which the FOI law requires public office holders to reveal), what would be the consequences? Good/Bad.
Parents that were used to lying to their children that there was no money to support them would have to back it up with their statements of account. Or wives that keep secret accounts. Personally I would be held by the balls if anyone I had dated had access to my emails, phone records, not to mention my facebook account. I would have to account for a lot. Fortunately I've never dated anyone for over a year. Then again who wouldn't have a lot to account for.
The whole idea of the FOI might be seen as a celebration of freedom of the press but there is always a way out. Clause 8 of the law provides that “a N500,000 fine when a case of wrongful denial of access is established against the defaulting officer or institution on conviction”. If I value my documented 'secrets' was worth more than N500,000 I would prefer to pay up, destroying/deleting them. Like the super injunctions, this law appears to favour the wealthy because N500,000 is a mere change.
Do I want FOI law to include relationships? No. Unlike public officers, deception makes relationships work. If some unloving wives knew their husband's worth, the husband might die early and they run away with one Chico in Puerto Rico. Like Sarah Palin stated, lots of her emails would be taken out of context. A simple missed call from an ex of the person you are in a relationship with might be misconceived, not to mention emails.
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Break Up: Based on Life Events
A girl and a guy were standing in front of a building.
The girl was feeding off a bowl of ice cream while the guy was looking dejected.
The girl had called for the meeting to end the relationship with the guy.
On his way to meet her she had asked him to buy ice cream for her. He did.
The guy demanded to know if there was another guy.
The girl responded she was back with her ex.
The guy accused her of cheating.
Then she corrected herself.
"I never broke up with him in the first place."
The guy was dumbfounded.
She tried to make it clear, she had been cheating on her boyfriend with him and not vice versa.
She apologised and admitted their affair/relationship had been filled with guilt.
She never wanted it to happen in the first place.
He asked, "Before or after you called my ex behind me to confirm if I had broken up with her?"
She kept quiet.
He asked, "Before or after you asked me to introduce you to my mum?"
She still maintained her silence. The only thing that came out from her mouth was the spoon she used in taking the ice cream.
He asked, "Before or after I disvirgined you?"
She kept quiet. She opened her mouth...to allow the ice cream in.
Then she apologised, "Sorry for making you break up with your ex."
She dropped another punchline, "My pastor said you are not my future husband."
He said, "Before or after...just forget it."
"We could still be friends."
His heart became heavy.
She asked, "Will you still get me the phone you promised me?"
He walked away. Any action apart from that would get someone hurt.
The girl...obviously.
Right now I have a warning for those with sisters, girlfriends, and mothers.
This guy could fuck them all regardless of age, shape, and size.
He needs to get rid of the hurt.
The End.
The girl was feeding off a bowl of ice cream while the guy was looking dejected.
The girl had called for the meeting to end the relationship with the guy.
On his way to meet her she had asked him to buy ice cream for her. He did.
The guy demanded to know if there was another guy.
The girl responded she was back with her ex.
The guy accused her of cheating.
Then she corrected herself.
"I never broke up with him in the first place."
The guy was dumbfounded.
She tried to make it clear, she had been cheating on her boyfriend with him and not vice versa.
She apologised and admitted their affair/relationship had been filled with guilt.
She never wanted it to happen in the first place.
He asked, "Before or after you called my ex behind me to confirm if I had broken up with her?"
She kept quiet.
He asked, "Before or after you asked me to introduce you to my mum?"
She still maintained her silence. The only thing that came out from her mouth was the spoon she used in taking the ice cream.
He asked, "Before or after I disvirgined you?"
She kept quiet. She opened her mouth...to allow the ice cream in.
Then she apologised, "Sorry for making you break up with your ex."
She dropped another punchline, "My pastor said you are not my future husband."
He said, "Before or after...just forget it."
"We could still be friends."
His heart became heavy.
She asked, "Will you still get me the phone you promised me?"
He walked away. Any action apart from that would get someone hurt.
The girl...obviously.
Right now I have a warning for those with sisters, girlfriends, and mothers.
This guy could fuck them all regardless of age, shape, and size.
He needs to get rid of the hurt.
The End.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Fly Kick For My Fly Kicks
After an operation (appendectomy) I was required to stay indoors for 3 weeks to recuperate. It was a boring 3 weeks. I wasn't your typical outgoing individual but I felt I was in bondage knowing going out wasn't an option. I practically stayed in bed for over 80% of the day. The weekend of the third week I decided to treat myself, nothing special, just hang out in public places alone. First on my list was to get to Shoprite at Surulere to get Pizza and a bottle of red wine. Sit somewhere in the building with my ipod on and relax. Had no idea of what to do next but I knew I was going to watch a movie before heading home.
If you had seen how I had dressed, you would think I was going for a party but in all honesty I was celebrating life. The last thing before stepping out was to decide on which footwear to put on. I walked to one of the stores at home which I had converted to a closet and realised all my fly kicks were gone. The shoe rack was totally empty, damn...I had no more shoes.
I had not noticed within the past 3 weeks and now I had no idea when they were moved/taken/stolen and by who. No one had an idea of where they walked to and I saw everyone as a suspect.
SUSPECT 1: Mother: I was a graduate and was still putting on fly kicks. She expected me to start putting on shoes that sounded like a metronome whenever I walked. She probably took everything to force me to begin wearing corporate shoes.
SUSPECT 2: Sister: Her room was closest to the closet. Her birthday was coming and she had been complaining of how broke she was. She probably sold them to raise birthday funds.
SUSPECT 3: Brother: For the sole reason I call them fly kicks and not trainers.
SUSPECT 4: House girl: She already had a 'criminal record' of stealing my sister's clothes to sell.
SUSPECT 5: Gate man/House boy: He was a crook and never gives change for things he was asked to buy. I don't send him anywhere, I find it difficult sending people on errands. Lately he developed a gambling habit, a habit difficult to maintain/control. He might have stolen them to pay off debts.
I looked at my suspects critically and decided it was suspect 5, house boy. The guy denied as expected. The first thing I did was update my facebook status and told the guy I was going to take him to the police station, but I had no shoe to wear. Nice. I asked the guy why he turned me to an Isrealite, then again, they had shoes. The guy was always quick to deny and after I said few things he developed a fever. I became convinced he was the one. Got some badt guys and fly kicks for my fly kicks begun. He denied until he was about to be tied upside down...he confessed and all I could say was, "My Guy!". He hid my fly kicks in his friend's place five streets away. They had sold few of them and also left the left foot of my Nike Air Max.
That was the last time I saw him, like Trump would say, "You are fired!". He wasn't sacked because of the value of the fly kicks but the motivation behind stealing them. He was developing habits to sustain his gambling habit and when it was someone you place at the entrance of your home, you had to be very careful. My plan for the day was thwarted but I had a good laugh.
If you had seen how I had dressed, you would think I was going for a party but in all honesty I was celebrating life. The last thing before stepping out was to decide on which footwear to put on. I walked to one of the stores at home which I had converted to a closet and realised all my fly kicks were gone. The shoe rack was totally empty, damn...I had no more shoes.
I had not noticed within the past 3 weeks and now I had no idea when they were moved/taken/stolen and by who. No one had an idea of where they walked to and I saw everyone as a suspect.
SUSPECT 1: Mother: I was a graduate and was still putting on fly kicks. She expected me to start putting on shoes that sounded like a metronome whenever I walked. She probably took everything to force me to begin wearing corporate shoes.
SUSPECT 2: Sister: Her room was closest to the closet. Her birthday was coming and she had been complaining of how broke she was. She probably sold them to raise birthday funds.
SUSPECT 3: Brother: For the sole reason I call them fly kicks and not trainers.
SUSPECT 4: House girl: She already had a 'criminal record' of stealing my sister's clothes to sell.
SUSPECT 5: Gate man/House boy: He was a crook and never gives change for things he was asked to buy. I don't send him anywhere, I find it difficult sending people on errands. Lately he developed a gambling habit, a habit difficult to maintain/control. He might have stolen them to pay off debts.
I looked at my suspects critically and decided it was suspect 5, house boy. The guy denied as expected. The first thing I did was update my facebook status and told the guy I was going to take him to the police station, but I had no shoe to wear. Nice. I asked the guy why he turned me to an Isrealite, then again, they had shoes. The guy was always quick to deny and after I said few things he developed a fever. I became convinced he was the one. Got some badt guys and fly kicks for my fly kicks begun. He denied until he was about to be tied upside down...he confessed and all I could say was, "My Guy!". He hid my fly kicks in his friend's place five streets away. They had sold few of them and also left the left foot of my Nike Air Max.
That was the last time I saw him, like Trump would say, "You are fired!". He wasn't sacked because of the value of the fly kicks but the motivation behind stealing them. He was developing habits to sustain his gambling habit and when it was someone you place at the entrance of your home, you had to be very careful. My plan for the day was thwarted but I had a good laugh.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Birth Control Pills For Men...Finally
I read a medical research report that stated advances made in the completion of birth control pills for men. The main idea I understood was it works on vitamin A which was necessary for sperm production. So far it had been successful on mice. What exactly are the implications of this drug?
For one, they say if you want something done right you had to do it yourself. Depending on a girl to use birth control pills have made a lot of guys unexpected fathers and children, bastards. At times you wonder, "What was so difficult for you to take two pills at specific times?"
Gold diggers would no doubt suffer, you know those ones that want to have your baby to guarantee financial life support. A lot of millionaires have at least one. The guy would simply tell her, "I don't mind if you do not use your pills, I have used mine so don't tell me stories in 9 months."
On the moral side, what does it encourage? They are called birth control pills and not STD control pills and this would only encourage 'unprotected' sex. In my opinion, finding a lasting solution to cure STDs should be top priority, after all we still have condoms and other birth preventive methods. A breakthrough was reached in the cure of HIV but it was damn too expensive. It involved bone marrow implant of unique individuals with mutant gene immune to the virus. So far only one person had been cured.
Anyway, assuming I am married I won't mind using those pills 'cause birth control pills could make a girl blow up and I wouldn't want my wife to grow fat.
For one, they say if you want something done right you had to do it yourself. Depending on a girl to use birth control pills have made a lot of guys unexpected fathers and children, bastards. At times you wonder, "What was so difficult for you to take two pills at specific times?"
Gold diggers would no doubt suffer, you know those ones that want to have your baby to guarantee financial life support. A lot of millionaires have at least one. The guy would simply tell her, "I don't mind if you do not use your pills, I have used mine so don't tell me stories in 9 months."
On the moral side, what does it encourage? They are called birth control pills and not STD control pills and this would only encourage 'unprotected' sex. In my opinion, finding a lasting solution to cure STDs should be top priority, after all we still have condoms and other birth preventive methods. A breakthrough was reached in the cure of HIV but it was damn too expensive. It involved bone marrow implant of unique individuals with mutant gene immune to the virus. So far only one person had been cured.
Anyway, assuming I am married I won't mind using those pills 'cause birth control pills could make a girl blow up and I wouldn't want my wife to grow fat.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
I am Allergic to Broke Girls
I thought Africans never had allergies until I proved myself wrong. Found out I am allergic to broke girls, that breed of the other specie, that is financially incapable of taking care of their necessities. Despite being monetary handicapped she still demands from a guy WANTS instead of NEEDS.
Feel free to call me names, I was fortunate to be born privileged and never for once take that for granted. So from my position I understood the expectation of performing act of charity but I will rather give a beggar $1000 than give a girl $100 to fix her hair especially when I know she couldn't afford it. That is how status works, a millionaire is willing to give another millionaire an expensive gift he knows they both could afford than give someone who can't. So the very few times I dated broke girls I couldn't get myself to spend, it felt like I was doing something wrong, being scammed. The girls themselves made it obvious because poverty has no hiding place. I noticed while a girl of similar status would demand I spend money on experiences, like watching a movie together, broke girls demanded material things that would benefit me in no way, like buy a new phone. More like bad investment.
I know not all girls are like that...I know, but their number is not significant to those that are broke and stupid at the same time. I see them and I cringe. Have I ever mentioned one that came to my house and said it was my friend's house which I had 'rented' it to woo her (Probably I'll write about that, A Poor Girl's Poverty Mentality). That was the last time I saw her...
Even if my relationship with a rich girl doesn't work out, I am satisfied. Compare the financial implications of (Michael Jackson/Lisa-Marie Presley split, or Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston) divorce to (Mike Tyson/Robin Givens and Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce). The later that didn't marry wives of similar financial status paid heavily for it.
Feel free to call me names, I was fortunate to be born privileged and never for once take that for granted. So from my position I understood the expectation of performing act of charity but I will rather give a beggar $1000 than give a girl $100 to fix her hair especially when I know she couldn't afford it. That is how status works, a millionaire is willing to give another millionaire an expensive gift he knows they both could afford than give someone who can't. So the very few times I dated broke girls I couldn't get myself to spend, it felt like I was doing something wrong, being scammed. The girls themselves made it obvious because poverty has no hiding place. I noticed while a girl of similar status would demand I spend money on experiences, like watching a movie together, broke girls demanded material things that would benefit me in no way, like buy a new phone. More like bad investment.
I know not all girls are like that...I know, but their number is not significant to those that are broke and stupid at the same time. I see them and I cringe. Have I ever mentioned one that came to my house and said it was my friend's house which I had 'rented' it to woo her (Probably I'll write about that, A Poor Girl's Poverty Mentality). That was the last time I saw her...
Even if my relationship with a rich girl doesn't work out, I am satisfied. Compare the financial implications of (Michael Jackson/Lisa-Marie Presley split, or Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston) divorce to (Mike Tyson/Robin Givens and Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce). The later that didn't marry wives of similar financial status paid heavily for it.
A Child Soldier Will: Johnny Mad Dog
This was from the movie Johnny Mad Dog performed by General No Good Advice.
It is my will that when I die
Don't bury me, don't bury me
You cut my dick in alcohol
And call my wife and give it to her
And when she cry, let her cry
When she roll let her rock
And what the fuck she thinks she is
She fucking around with my GI dick
Another man will counsel her
Another man will comfort her
Take my rifle and my bonnet
Call my son and give it to him
Let him defend or let him fight
For his country, for his people
It is my will...
Death dealer!, "No die, no rest.
Gentlemen, keep moving."
It is my will that when I die
Don't bury me, don't bury me
You cut my dick in alcohol
And call my wife and give it to her
And when she cry, let her cry
When she roll let her rock
And what the fuck she thinks she is
She fucking around with my GI dick
Another man will counsel her
Another man will comfort her
Take my rifle and my bonnet
Call my son and give it to him
Let him defend or let him fight
For his country, for his people
It is my will...
Death dealer!, "No die, no rest.
Gentlemen, keep moving."
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I 'Just' Lost it Last Month
"I just lost it last month," she said. Was she expecting that statement wouldn’t make her look a slut after fucking a guy she had always told she was a virgin? I mean, this chic had been claiming virgin she might as well tattoo it on her forehead, V-I-R-G-I-N, 'cause she acted/talked/looked...damn! She even kissed like one. So blah! blah! blah! After all said and done she decided she was 'ready' only for it to be revealed she wasn't a virgin. Then she said, "I just lost it that month". Ok, if that was to 'just'ify she had been sexually active for a short while and might as well be regarded a virgin she definitely chose a bad start for her career. [At least] two guys within few weeks, the other guy was the one she supposedly lost it to. Even if it was true, considering what she endured during the last round of hot marathon sex, the third guy would never believe she had played for only two teams.
Girls, PLEASE, there is no need to add insult to it and lie you haven't fucked. The fact that you are fucking discreetly says a lot already and don't try to be honourable about it. Don’t say shit like “I only have sex with my boyfriend”, “I don’t have sex within a year of dating”, or “I've decided to stop having sex because it messes up relationships”. With that said, "Fuck your guts for uttering those words, BITCH!"
Friday, June 3, 2011
Dr. Death Died: Jack Kevorkian
He came up with "Patholysis" as a medical term. "Path" meant disease or suffering, while "Lysis" meant destruction. Patholysis; destruction of suffering. Others called what he did assisted-suicide and Dr. Jack Kevorkian became known as Dr. Death.
There are lots of reasons a person might want to end his life, the statement is debatable even the choice to end it in the first place. Politically, Morally, Spiritually...you name it, but the fact remained he helped plus or minus 130 people end their lives. These were people that were terminally ill and to be honest, at that moment you don't take drugs to cure yourself but to reduce the pain and prolong the suffering. He served jail time for "patholysis" he conducted on a patient with Lou Gehrig's disease. For those who don't know what that is I will take three words from wikipedia that describes it all "unable to function". Patients with this disease might lose the ability to blink. Normally, Dr. Death designed a machine and all the had to do was push a button and painless dying process began, this patient couldn't even do that. He was jailed for 2nd degree murder cause he had to do it himself.
After 8 years he was released and died with complications associated with pneumonia and kidney problems, probably pulmonary thrombosis 3rd of June, 2011. He had been hospitalised and his death was not assisted. Unlike those he assisted to die, at age 83 he probably had more will to live. Dr. Death, Jack Korvokian, died. I guess that strips him of his title.
You could watch the movie "You Don't Know Jack", Al Pacino played him in character.
There are lots of reasons a person might want to end his life, the statement is debatable even the choice to end it in the first place. Politically, Morally, Spiritually...you name it, but the fact remained he helped plus or minus 130 people end their lives. These were people that were terminally ill and to be honest, at that moment you don't take drugs to cure yourself but to reduce the pain and prolong the suffering. He served jail time for "patholysis" he conducted on a patient with Lou Gehrig's disease. For those who don't know what that is I will take three words from wikipedia that describes it all "unable to function". Patients with this disease might lose the ability to blink. Normally, Dr. Death designed a machine and all the had to do was push a button and painless dying process began, this patient couldn't even do that. He was jailed for 2nd degree murder cause he had to do it himself.
After 8 years he was released and died with complications associated with pneumonia and kidney problems, probably pulmonary thrombosis 3rd of June, 2011. He had been hospitalised and his death was not assisted. Unlike those he assisted to die, at age 83 he probably had more will to live. Dr. Death, Jack Korvokian, died. I guess that strips him of his title.
You could watch the movie "You Don't Know Jack", Al Pacino played him in character.
Live Your Life: 5 Death-bed Regrets
They say everyone have got regrets, you have to learn to live with them. Some say they don't have any while others drown in them. The truth is when the sun is setting in our lives everything becomes bright. To retrospect on the (should have/would have/could have) done become obvious and it would be easy to know if the life lived was fulfilled. I stumbled upon a site where a nurse stated the top 5 death-bed regrets she had heard in years of experience. Learn from it.
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
I have decided to add the link to the site http://cot.ag/ivZFq0 if you want to check it out. I use to think on my death bed my thoughts would circle round, "Who is going to update my Facebook/Twitter status?"
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
I have decided to add the link to the site http://cot.ag/ivZFq0 if you want to check it out. I use to think on my death bed my thoughts would circle round, "Who is going to update my Facebook/Twitter status?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)