Nag...NaG...nAg..NAg...nag...naG

Take this quiz, Brag is to ____ (Men/Toys) as Nag is to ____(Sky/Females). I'll give you a hint, those verbal actions are associated with humans. I know I'm generalising, I know there are men who nag but females have the exclusive right those men only...licenced it. I hate nagging, that is one of my natural turnoffs (others include bad breathe and body odour). Even if you are my Rihanna in Beyonce's body, as soon as you begin to nag I begin to sing "to the left, to the left".
The Bible recognises the dangers associated with a nag. Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a QUARRELSOME WIFE.
Proverbs 27:15-16 A QUARRELSOME WIFE is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil in the hand.
And by QUARRELSOME we mean NAGGING.

Like I implied, I cannot date a girl that nags. There was no need to be in that relationship because nagging is one of the most obvious signs of incompability. Don't get me wrong, you might love the person but you are not compatible. It shows communication between you two is faulty and there was difficulty in making the other see things your way. So you keep repeating the same thing until it becomes annoying. It feels like trying to fix a square peg in a round hole where the square peg is the info you want to pass across while the round hole is the person you want to pass it to. Nagging is when you try to force the square peg/info into the person by all means. With enough force you might succeed but that would change the shape of the the square peg, the round hole or both. The bottomline is whatever you wanted to pass across won't be taken the way it was intended. The info or suggestion you wanted to pass across is therefore distorted and someone gets hurt emotionally. Now imagine if every suggestion you have in a relationship could be described in the context I gave.

I was listening to a radio programme, a man called in and said he wanted to remain anonymous. His voice sounded like he was tired....emotionally. He asked "How do you know you married the wrong person and your wife wasn't suppose to be your wife?" Then he admitted, "I think I married the wrong person." The presenter attempted to give the speech of marriage isn't a bed of roses but the caller wasn't buying it. The caller said his wife complains a lot about everything he did. The presenter was still trying to play love doctor and gave the whole opposite attract sh!t and the wife was there to checkmate him blah blah blah and keep him grounded. The caller still didn't buy it. He gave a situation, he lived in an area with bad roads/drainage [that could be anywhere in Lagos] and decided a sport utility vehicle (SUV) would be the best type of car to purchase. The wife objected and called it a waste of money. He knew if he got the car there wouldn't be peace in his house as long as he had it. The caller added, "I'm tired". Although the caller gave an instance it was obvious this was one too many. Even if the wife had a point their being incompatible won't allow her to pass it across in a way it wouldn't threaten his peace. There are ways some wives would talk to their husbands, make suggestions, and the guy would believe it was his own decision. He would walk around satisfied like the man of the house while the wife would sit behind pulling the strings. A nagging wife would demand an amount of money from her husband and he would say he was short on cash, his mistress would know how to present it to him and he would drop double the amount the wife asked.

Each man would have his way to deal with a female that loves to nag, but one thing is certain and that is it would lead to the failure of the relationship/marriage. A failed marriage isn't only divorce, it also includes the death of love and affection in the home. A guy got married to a beautiful intelligent girl. She was also a barrister and guess what? She could also nag. No guy would want to f@*k with a lawyer/barrister that nags...you've lost the case before you commit the crime. The guy became happiest when he was at work and dreaded going home because his wife was ready to nag him till he pretends he was asleep. He decided to get himself wasted before going home...just drink and smoke weed, that way he would have no idea what the wife was nagging about and have a wonderful smile on his face. His wife began to nag about that unaware the only way to stop him from drinking was to take a moment and shut up about his drinking/smoking habit. He got bored of the whole ish and left his home. He went to a friend's place, switched off his phone and stayed there for three days without any contact with the outside world. No one except the friend knew where he was. The wife began to panic. She called his friends, family members and work colleagues but no one knew where he was. By the time he came home she was intelligent enough to know what drove him away and apologised. She said "I didn't know it had that much impact on you". If I were the guy, I would have spent a whole week away.
"A nagging wife will rot the bones, kill the spirit and dry up any creative thinking. She will drive a man into the desert to free his mind of the constant drip. She will torture him slowly and he will die a slow painful death".
If you nag STOP, no good thing comes out of it and the easiest way to know if you nag is to ask. A lot of people won't get married because of that and those that nag their way to the altar won't have a happy marriage. If you do want to stop the act adopt patience and know when to pass your point across. Maybe I should write another piece on that...

KevinWithanL

I began writing since...can't remember. I would scribble experiences and give them titles like "A White Man With Tribal Marks". Then someone came along and suggested I open a blog and I did, a year later I'm still blogging and loving it. I see it as my vault of experiences and I gave myself one rule- never mention names. That aside, I began to read works by other bloggers and one that caught my attention was kevinwithanl.wordpress.com
KevinWithanL would have to be the most interesting blogger I know and definitely one of the most talented writers. The interesting part is not solely based on what he writes but you can't help but wonder what goes on in his head. Like everyone with above average talent it was obvious he had issues and it became apparent with each post. This was someone whose first posts were inspirational words from Peju Oyemade...months later he was talking about how he fucked a girl he met on Twitter. To be honest, that was when he became really interesting. He did the one thing I wouldn't do- mention names- and when you have as many followers he had on twitter that doesn't sound like a nice idea. I remember he became a threading topic once on twitter [in Lagos sha]. The next thing I observed was he "imploded", this occurs when you make a sudden drastic decision. This was common with celebrities who find the price of fame to high to pay, like when Britney Spears cut her off her hair for no reason. Or when Michael Jackson...wow! Feels like he kept imploding throughout his career. First, his twitter handle @KevinWithanL got deleted or something and that was the medium he used he spreading his word. Then he wrote what he claimed would be his last post on his blog [I know he will be back, people like him love attention]. I have to add that was his best piece I've read. That guy is a genius.

The truth is, it is soo easy for writers to get carried away with what they choose to reveal. Kanye West once rapped "I'm on TV talking like it is just you and me". The same feeling applies to writers, you pick up your pen and as you express yourself you believe your audience are only those you have in mind. Before you know it, even those you never thought could read have accessed it. What you wrote can now be freely taken out of context. Another of my favorite blogger @Keet_kat pweetytales.blogspot.com wrote her last post "Encore" would be her last, she doesn't want "to spill her guts out anymore".

Then one thought came to mind...was this the effect of excess self-disclosure. These bloggers including myself literally type our life out for all to read and most of them don't know the consequences. Self-disclosure is really important in creating a strong PERSONAL relationship. You feel a bond with anyone you self-disclose to...now imagine self-disclosing to thousands of people who really don't give a sh!t about you or what you revealed from your past. You write "I think I love this girl" and someone responds "try saying that after you f@*k her". On the long run, stuffs that leaves a vacuum in your self-appraisal. Your personal life become their entertainment, KevinWithanL becomes Nigeria's funniest blogger and with such label every other thing you want to disclose about yourself isn't relevant if it isn't funny. By describing yourself your audience defines you.

Still, I love blogging and bloggers out there and damn! there are a lot. I have to admit, even if these guys stopped writing I doubt they would be missed.
That is just life, no one is indispensable...there is always someone to carry the torch.

Mr. & Mrs.

Being a married couple is more of a girl's dream than a guy. Fairy tales including the Walt Disney classics suggest from the wedding day, the couple lives happily every after. In reality, that was far from the truth and most people have come to accept that. I see couples in my neighbourhood with smiles and their beautiful kids being so carefree and I say to myself, "this couple must be really really happy". I saw a couple one morning, the husband was holding the hands of his two daughters as he walked them to school, while the wife was few steps behind with their school bags. If I didn't know better I would have thought all was well, that that was a happy family.

Months earlier, I had seen the husband returning from work in his car. I can't say what the time was but I'm guessing it was probably two hours to midnight. Barely 10 minutes had passed from the time the guy parked in his compound when I saw him running out with only his boxers on and his wife chasing after him. This wasn't a late night jogging exercise, his wife was determined to beat the hell out of her husband as she rained curses during the chase. The street was empty so the guy had to run until he saw people come to his rescue. It took great verbal and physical persuasion to calm the wife. Apparently the husband had been a punching bag all this while. That was when this Mr. & Mrs. actions made more sense, he had taken the "role" of the wife. I remember one time he was driving home, and as his car approached his house which was one away from mine he began to slow down. His hands weren't on the steering wheel but his phone. As he drove pass I noticed he was deleting messages and call logs. Probably he had something to hide but with a wife that could beat the sh!t out of the husband, it was best to hide everything.

There are some Mr. and Mrs. that you don't need to know what goes on behind closed doors to know they weren't meant to be together. It felt as if the girl couldn't wait for Prince Charming to save her so she settled for one of her captors. I knew this Mr. before the Mrs. came along and I didn't like him. He was one of those who was no doubt accomplished in the business world but his personal life sucked because he sucked personally. He got tired of the girl and wanted her to leave but he knew that won't be as easy feat. Getting married was as easy as saying "I do" but dissolving the union wasn't as easy as saying "I don't" or "I'm tired of you" OR "Move ahead!". She was one of those Mrs. that had nothing outside their matrimonial home to fall back on. So whatever bullshit the Mr. threw at her she was ready to swallow it. During her pregnancy he deprived her of so many things in an attempt to frustrate her to move in with her mum for that period but she didn't take a step. When the Mrs. delivered, while others bought gifts, he bought a new lock...the girl's mum came to their home to stay for a while but he kicked her out. He wanted it to be the other way round where the girl would stay with her mum. He intended to change the lock during that period but this Mrs. sensed it and didn't move an inch. The only way she would leave her matrimonial home was if he killed her.

One other Mr. & Mrs. lasted 2 years in my area along with their marriage. The Mrs. was from a wealthy/influential family, even her dad was a commissioner while the Mr was...let's just say he had a family. That wasn't the only contrast, the Mrs was also on the fat side which would make people question why the Mr got married to her. It was either he had a taste for big women or the money. The wife got pregnant and travelled to America leaving the husband alone in the house. This Mr didn't hesistate to take full advantage of being home alone. He was so promiscuous that by the time his wife was to arrive after delivery, his mother went door-to-door to plead with neighbours not to allow the Mrs know of her son's behaviour. The cracks in the marriage finally led to the failure when she found out. The Mrs moved out of their home when she couldn't stand seeing the guy and the Mr decided to also move his things out. Their home remained empty for weeks. During that period, I walked in and saw what was left of the marriage. Both Mr & Mrs had taken with them what they brought into the home and left behind what they both shared. In their scattered bedroom was a typed note on the floor with other pile of papers. It was writted by the wife to the husband. The title was "20 Things I Would Do To Make You Happy". It was a list of things the wife wanted to achieve to satisfy the husband and included things like losing weight and always respecting him. It showed the Mrs was determined to make the marriage work but I have to admit, I might not know if she fulfilled the remaining items on the list but I do know she didn't succeed in shedding the weight.

Last Name Ever, First Name Greatest

At one point in our lives we would want to be known as a name other than ours. Where our last name would be Ever, while the first name would be Greatest. Being called Greatest Ever____ [fill in the blank] is no easy feat. People have their own recipe on what makes people great. One consistent idea I've noticed is to be persistent on a single goal because every race in life has its own unique track. Even Usain Bolt won't run against Ferrari F1 cars on a speed race track. Like I said, being Greatest Ever____ isn't easy and won't happen overnight. If being Greatest Ever___ takes time, then I've got all it takes.

I see time as the major determinant people use to decide if they should give up on their race of become Greatest Ever____, either they perceive time as telling them they were getting too old or time was telling them "no more time". I've got no time to watch and I know even a second of being called the Greatest Ever____ was enough even if the next breath between this two lungs would be the last. My point is, if it was something your heart desire a lifetime isn't enough time to spend getting it.

You Know The Problem, So What's The Problem

They say the first step in overcoming a problem is admitting you have one. That way you would be open to change. I don't agree knowing a problem solves much, if it does anything at all it would be making you aware of what frustrates you. I mean, we practically know a whole lot more about obstacles we need to overcome but how come they are difficult to get rid of. Below is a post a girl wrote on her Facebook wall. It is about...[Just read it]

"Chioma breakup wit him,u will see dat he cnt tell his friends dat he his an animal in human clothing or can he tell his family,pls bt if u marry him dat will b your greatest mistake,u r 2beautiful 4 him 2 hurt,let him go,a better man is near u,pls,u pple shld tell me wat to tell my friend b4 her lunatic boyfriend that claim 2 v swag kills her,his swag is beating her not treating her like a woman,guys pls wat do i say 2 this boyfriend of hers?he doesn't give you anythi,neva hs he giving u money 2mk hair,u buy him everything even phones,haba wake up,he is using u,he is hanging on cos of wat he is gettin 4rm u.s."

In case you didn't understand the post I'll explain. A girl wrote on her Facebook wall about her friend who was in an abusive relationship. The friend, apparently was finding it difficult to break-up from that relationship. The post was open for people to comment, giving their advice on how she should help her friend see that she deserves more than the abusive guy.
The reason for copying the post here is only to prove knowing our problems does little to solve it.

First of all, let's focus on the girl's friend. Being in an abusive relationship is an obvious problem. Like I wrote in an earlier post "A Slap Should Convince You". No one gets hurt and feels good about it. Now focus on the girl that wrote the post. It was also obvious she knew what the problem was and was determined to find a solution to help her friend. Now here is the twist, the girl that wrote the post was referring to herself. She made up a fictitious friend to cry for help [read the post again if you didn't notice]. This girl has "a lunatic" boyfriend that beats her up and she finds it difficult to leave him. The truth was she can't help her[self/friend]

That was just an instance. There are people who find themselves in other situations that give them sleepless nights, yet they "wake up" to face it the following day. It could be school, work, family or relationships. They know what the problem was and can't solve it. The truth is no one was born to suffer, the body is self regulatory and it gives signs when something becomes waste and not needed by the body, for example, you don't tell your body to sweat, your body tells you. Frustrations and sleepless nights are also signs that they body regards certain endeavours & relationships as waste, and as much as you might want to make something out of it, your body might fail you. Walk away when in such situations and don't think with your heart or rationalise with your head. If to overcome that problem isn't that easy to walk away, PRAY.

Hellooo...Too Much Info

I'm going to write below statements I've heard from girls. After reading each statement, I want you to take note of what goes through your mind.

• I have to make my hair
• I am so tired
• I feel like eating Pizza

For someone like me, anything I hear is represented in a vivid mental imagery. So when a girl says, "I have to make my hair", as I think about that I picture her in a salon getting all glamed-up. It doesn't end with a mental imagery, I also ask myself "why is she telling me?" My answer is usually subjective but makes sense to me. "I have to make my hair" to me might imply "I need you to give me some money to make my hair". And if she feels like eating pizza it meant "I'm hungry and I need you to buy me pizza". "I'm so tired" simply means, "Can you please let me be by myself for the meantime?"
The point I'm trying to make is whatever I hear goes through a lot of thought process and I have a wild imagination that might lead to the weirdest rationalisation.

Now, imagine what goes through my head when I hear girls say...

• Do you have a tissue I need to go to the toilet
I told a girl I was washing and she said...
•Can you wash my panties
I asked a girl why she was feeling down and she said...
• I'm having my period

Those are too much info if you ask me and you wouldn't want to see the horror that goes through my mind when I hear those. I know it is human nature to experience those but it isn't one to share. The same way girls can't spread all their panties under the sun depending their "condition" is the same way they shouldn't share those info. If you are bleeding through your pussy, keep it to yourself...and if don't wear panties, good for you, and if you do I don't want to know. When the girl told me to wash her panties I knew she said it as a joke but it wasn't funny. To wash something meant it was dirty...now, imagine dirty female panties. The horror doesn't end there, most girls mostly wear panties during their period. Now, imagine a female panties that got dirty during her period. Bloody.

I have to end this here because I'm disgusted already.

Dancing Nude For A Blind Man/Love Responsibly

A friend once said loving someone who does not appreciate you is like a beautiful lady dancing nude for a blind man. TOTAL WASTE OF TIME! I totally agree with the statement and the unfortunate part was most of us end up being that beautiful lady dancing nude for someone "blind" in our lives. We hear the rhythm of our heart beat [sic] as it skips for that person and we keep dancing...totally wasting our time.

Now, I'll add I've danced a few styles for someone. I also have to add that I am also a bad "dancer" but lucky for me "the music stopped". A question I'll ask & give my opinion is, Whose fault was it when we fall in love with someone that doesn't feel the same way, who is to blame? My answer is the individual that fell in love. Take this instance, you walk into a gallery and out of hundreds of artworks displayed you fancy a particular one. And you say to yourself "This one is beautiful?". Another individual might take a glance at the same artwork and feel the opposite emotion and walk away, without a second thought. Even if you can't put the reason you love the artwork in words [which might be due to your limited vocabulary] You end up buying the piece and have a spot for it in your home. You bought the idea the artwork was beautiful and it would make you feel good.
When you bring the same idea into relationships, you'll realise that we are the ones that decided what we want to love in people therefore we indirectly decide on who we want to love. The person becomes the SUMMARY of human qualities we love. If you love human qualities such as kindness, humour, and patience, and we noticed/assume Mr Jack/Miss Jill posses those qualities. Instead of saying "I love kindness or I love humour", we say "I love Mr Jack/Miss Jill". The point I want to make at this point is people don't love by mistake or forced to. Even those who love at first sight are those who were able to see all that they would like a person to have at first sight. This is possible because we tell ourselves what we are hearing are the kind of things I want to hear. And what I'm seeing are the kind of things I want to see. When we feed our eyes, nose, and ears and we like what we perceive, we feel good within ourselves and that culminates to what is known as emotions. Since the person posses qualities that elicits pleasant emotions within and also makes us feel joy, they become our source of joy. And no one in their right senses would want their source of joy go away. So we attach ourselves to them because they best satisfy us.

As long as we experience those pleasant emotions we are selfish enough not to care if the other person was feeling the same. We only become aware when they start acting up and they stop displaying those qualities we love. These emotions are like drugs, a crack addict does not decide to stop using and become her/his normal self in a day. Even as she/he quits, there are bound to be withdrawal syndrome. When someone is trying to take the pleasant emotions you feel away, there are also bound to be withdrawal syndrome/unpleasant emotions. Some cry, some feel totally useless and used. And like drug addicts, despite the fact you say "this is my last one", or "I'm not going back to him/her" we find ourselves going back and saying it all over again.

This might sound like a cliche but the best way to love and not end up dancing nude for a blind man is to love yourself. If you want to love any human quality, love the ones you have. That way you'll always feel loved and be the source of your joy.