Thursday, October 25, 2012

"Daddy, I'm Pregnant"

There is a trend, it isn't new but lately it has involved people I grew up to know. The trend is getting knocked up out of wedlock. It happened in my final year and that was a huge surprise. Prior to that event I had the misconception only females without a concrete plan for their future get pregnant to keep it. I mean, I know getting pregnant for a boyfriend or a random guy isn't planned. Most girls get pregnant at a young age because of a simple reason- they believe it can never happen to them. Like I said, I believed only girls without a concrete future plan got pregnant out of wedlock. If a girl had a bright future and knew the consequence of unprotected sex had she would be extra careful (or avoid it). And in the even she got pregnant, there was Dr. Ben to flush it out. That's why I believe in this saying, "Ashewo no dey get belle/Prostitutes don't get pregnant", because they know the adverse effect pregnancy will have on their business.

I had been clueless to what happened after the girl realised she took in, especially how she approached her parents. How she said, "Daddy, I'm pregnant". I know a girl that got pregnant and an eviction notice from home after she broke the news. There was close to zero family support. The daughter and mother began trading abusive words. The mum called her a "slut", she replied "at least I got pregnant at the age of 20 while you got pregnant at the age of 19". Well, a year got to count for something. The older brother was furious, with venom in his voice threatened to kill the guy that 'defiled' his baby sister. Well, the guy was her age mate who got unlucky. The irony of it all, in less than a year the brother got a girl pregnant. Almighty God, indeed, works in mysterious ways.

I visited a female friend, the last time we saw was over a year ago. She cradled a baby in her arms and I jokingly asked, "is he yours?". She replied no and it was her sister's. "Yea, right!" I replied sarcastically. Her sister was younger and besides, her family was strict to allow that. After I was convinced she was serious, my next questions were based on how the family took it.

"Mummy I'm pregnant", was how she broke the news to the Mum. The mum was shocked and the major concern was how to tell the father. The next step was to seek help from the dad's close friend. He told a pastor and they all scheduled a meeting with the father.

The pastor began by talking to the dad about forgiveness and mistakes...those kin' things. In the room, the two sisters were crying because they anticipated a 'rage mode' from their father. After beating round the bush they told him one of his daughters was pregnant. He screamed the older daughter's name. She ran to the living room...before he could lay a hand on her he was stopped. "She is not the one", the pastor said. The father relaxed, he had two daughter and if it wasn't the elder sister then... He asked to know which one as if he had more than two. The younger one was called. The Dad's first question, "What is your husband's name?" As far as he was concerned, she had a fiance. It was on that condition he accepted the pregnancy and an engagement ceremony was held ASAP.

Unless a girl was in a financially stable position, I don't encourage her to get pregnant, regardless she was single or married. Going down that lane would affect her and her child. People will judge her making it tough on her, having low expectations. She would go through bullshit to protect her child and her own self-esteem. She grows up to be judged by her child. I mean, most of us blame our parents for personal failure not to mention a child that was delivered by the mother at an early age and unmarried at that time.

If it happens to me, hmmmm.......

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