Thursday, July 19, 2012

When Your Penis Takes the Wrong Turn

I learn a lot from the opposite sex. They seem to know a lot about sex and everything sexually related. I remember when a guy bragged about going multiple rounds, "I can f*ck for 6 rounds," he said. It was me, him, and a chic having a discussion. The chic said authoritatively, "it's not the number of rounds that mattered but the number of thrusts. How many times the guy could go in/out in succession without an orgasm". It sounded like the obvious but prior when she said it I never thought of it that way.

I also learnt of an unfortunate occurrence that only affected males [or females with penis], from a female. It was called Penile Fracture.
After a match at Stamford Bridge with a chic [obviously], we were having our post-match conference while dressing up and somehow the topic was her boyfriend. Not ex-boyfriend but current one [but that's not the gist]. I was cool she had a boyfriend and she knew I wasn't interested in breaking them up [although she's against me using the term 'friend with benefit'].

Back to what I learnt, she told me her boyfriend had a surgery to correct penile fracture. I thought she was trying to break my balls, I mean, forget it's called a 'boner' the dick had no bone.

According to her, the boyfriend had this weird habit he did with his erect penis. You know how you could press/pull on your finger till you heard a pop! sound, well, the boyfriend use to do that to his dick anytime it was erect. Yep, cracking his dick. He did that one early morning and on a particular day, his penis shifted to the left while he was in great pain. I could imagine. His penis maintained an odd yoga-like shape. He had to be rushed to the hospital. I heard that and a scene from the movie 'Something About Mary' popped into my head. Where Ben Stiller's character zipped up his trousers so fast and part of his balls for stuck.

I was still in doubt so I went to the oracle of knowledge, Google. I also checked wikipedia where it was described as "an injury caused by the rupture of the tunica albuginea, which envelops the corpus cavernosum penis. It is most often caused by a blunt trauma to an erect penis...The 'reverse cow-girl position' is notorious in the aetiological cause of penis fracture".
I also read on the site a legal case where a guy took his ex girlfriend to court for bodily harm after suffering penile fracture during intercourse.

I was surprised the sh!t existed, i thought i had seen it all watching 'house'. she continued with what happened in the hospital. For obvious reasons the doctor/nurses felt she must have contributed to it. Like she had suggested a kamsutra-Cirque du Soleil type position till he broke his dick. But I didn't feel for her being accused, it was the boyfriend I felt for. You see, what binds men is our penis. As a man you might not feel anything for your fellow man losing his wife/job/sense...but if anything happened to his balls/penis we feel for him immediately. I mean, another man balls get kicked and we go "Awwww" before he does.
The surgery involved making an incision close to the shaft of the penis...and veins...damn! too bloody... then the penis was bandaged. Every morning he woke up with any erection, every morning he was in pain. He got on his feet to walk it off. The fear of his family was his penis not to be decommissioned after the operation but his chic tested it OK. I trust her on that matter.

From now on, I pledge not to get involved in any sexual position that I can't see the chic's face. Except that position that the...


  1. so....u seriously didn't know that could (and does) happen???

    1. How would I know, mine only has two functions. Pissing and...