Once upon a time in 2011, I allowed a girl live with me in my room for what was supposed to be a few days. The plan was she crashed with me till she got her own apartment. Her name was [D], a chic that looked like sex from the south-south. Although things ended up like... I look back at that period to realise I learnt a lot. That period is known as The-[D]-Project and these were the lessons I learnt.
Lesson 2: Some People Do Not Want To Be Happy
[D] appeared to have a high moral standard. She always found something negative to say about girls/women that sold themselves cheap to guys. She found that act common with ‘Lagos girls’ and that was one of the reasons she felt uncomfortable with 'em. It was on such issues she made herself a point of reference, “despite being sexy I never sold myself to the highest bidder” she would say. She talked about how so many men tempted her with offers in exchange to fuck them but turned them down. She was hot and she knew it and had no price tag. She mentioned during her stay in Skyfield some guys came to pick up the chic she stayed with and she tagged along. Prior to that the females in the hostel thought she had no swag because she wasn't raised in Lagos. That day she showed her sexiness without demeaning herself. The guys turned their attention to her but she turned them down. That was what she said.
If you heard her talk you would think she was a saint but I had me reservations. I had no doubt men would want to fuck her and the few days she had spent was enough for me to know the calibre of men. I felt she had them in quantity not in quality, like the Estate Agent who told her he liked her and wanted them to cohabitate. An estate agent who couldn’t get a place for himself, tell me that isn’t the definition of a loser? She did meet a banker though, we laughed at his spellings and grammar as they chat on her Blackberry. That had to be the dumbest banker [if he was being honest]. But he did lie about not being married. The man got carried away as he used his family picture as his display picture and ended up deleting him as a contact. Like I said, [D] had them in quantity and not in quality and was probably jealous she wasn’t attracting the type of guys a typical Lagos [by that I meant UNILAG babe] had. She claimed it was possible for her to have such but she wasn’t ready to compromise with her body and besides, she had the love of her life Francis. The only guy she had dated who was in Port Harcourt (Rivers state) patiently waiting for her return after completion of her NYSC service year here in Lagos.
That was the second time she would mention his name and this time she didn’t stop there. She began with the butterfly tales, how their love had grown over six years and they were soon going to walk down the aisle. I had no idea she was engaged BUT decided not to wear the ring. She added she wasn’t use to walking around with it. She made it clear the relationship had been through rough times. They had been through ups/downs thick/thin and with God their relationship had survived. There was no doubt he felt the same about her. She mentioned a time he was seriously ill and while barely unconscious he kept saying her name faintly with his eyes shut. “[D] where are you...[D] I love you”. Sounds romantic BUT there was a reason most girls I know call me insensitive and [D] was about to find out.
Like I learnt, you can only lie with words. I reminded her of her reaction when I told her he was on the on the line while her phone was ringing days earlier. I asked why she was shocked. If their relationship was on point and they were engaged like she wanted me to believe, she should have smiled instead of being surprised her fiancé called. At that point she should have shut up but instead made an attempt to defend all she said. Her reply, she was surprised because he hadn't called her lately and they hadn’t spoken for days. I told her, “you should have called instead, what if something terrible had happened to you fiancé or was it usual for him not to call for days?” Once again, she should have shut up and change the topic but she still wanted me to believe the relationship was on point. Her response probably skipped her brain and travelled straight to her mouth. She said he knew she wasn't feeling too well and was sure that was the reason he hadn’t called.
“Really, you know your fiancé wasn’t feeling too well and decided not to call him because he hadn’t called? That would explain the reason for him not to call but [D] what was yours?” I said.
“You won’t understand,”
“Then make me”...
[D] and Francis: The Real Story after my wasting time with fairy tales
[D] and Francis dated for almost six years. He was her first (and only). Yes, relationships aren't perfect but we make compromises and sacrifices to adjust, BUT how much was too much a compromise or sacrifice. That was a question she had no answer to and was willing to make any sacrifice because she wanted a fairy tale relationship, to say the first and only guy she had been with sexually was her husband.
The relationship begun in the university, he was two levels ahead and she was the new girl every guy wanted to date because of her "swag". She did mention some guys made it obvious they only want to have sex with her, but she claimed to have a strong will to turn down advances. Francis came along and she accepted his proposal. He wasn’t richer or more handsome than the other guys that asked her out but she couldn’t help herself falling for him. She got used to hearing he wasn’t good enough for her. They dated for almost two years before they had sex and he was surprised she was a virgin.
From the way she had portrayed herself so far I was surprised she didn’t claim to be a virgin. In my mind
I was like, so you do know what a dick felt like and keep pretending like a nun.
She told me how faithful she was despite his friends were making passes at her and wanted to sleep with her. Some became her boyfriend’s friend as a disguise to get close to her. She told me how one of 'em wanted to force his way after turning him down. I had to interrupt her there and ask, "How come it was always you guys want to rape? I get the fact a guy sees you and thinks of sexing you but why do they feel they had to rape?" I said that because that was the second time she mentioned a guy wanting to rape her and failing. The first was her aunt’s husband’s friend.
She exalted herself in her response. She said by the time they tried convincing her with words and gifts they got frustrated knowing it was never an option. They learnt the hard way rape would be the way they could have her and still they could never succeed. [D] claimed she was too strong to get raped.
She admitted she was once attracted to a guy Imma back in school. He was tall, fair, and treated her right. They got real close that his neighbour assumed they were fucking. According to her he was a gentleman and would have dated him if Francis wasn’t in the picture. Imma travelled out of the country to pursue a career in football and never got to see him again. She did hear from one of his friends after that. He told her Imma loved her but never that the courage to tell her. Anyway, Imma was out of the country and the picture so Francis had no threat.
You know I said girls were fond of saying they weren't going to tell me something and by the time they do they fill me in with info I didn't even ask. [D] was no exception. She told me the strongest obstacle their relationship faced was her friends and family. There had to be a reason. Francis used to abuse her physically, like beat the crap out of her. Like all abused females in relationships she (wrongfully) admitted it was her fault for provoking such assault. Apparently a slap didn’t convince her. She had scars all over her body and lips as a constant reminder of the brutality she went through but still called him a "nice guy". She gave an instance where he beat her black and blue, back to black back-to-back and admitted she deserved it. She said it was her fault for provoking him after burning his shirts. I asked her why she burnt his shirts and her response was she burnt them in retaliation after he had beaten her that morning [sic].
Her friends tried to talk her out of the relationship but she was convinced Francis was her soul mate. Even his brother told her he wasn't the guy for her and told her about his promiscuity yet she still wasn't ready to stop calling him ‘boyfriend’. She caught him cheating, lying, and always claimed he was broke as an excuse not to spend on her yet she saw him as her future husband. Her pastor’s vision did not include Francis as the husband but this babe will not be moved. She learnt he got a girl pregnant and the babe’s family were willing to make him financially responsibly but she still believed Francis was the Man.
She made a point her bond with Francis was special and with time he would see that and change. She mentioned he fell seriously ill each time she tried to break up and got better as soon as they got back together. She referred to the time he was barely unconscious and kept saying her name, days earlier she had broken up the relationship. He began to speak as soon as she got to his bedside. She believed the reason he wasn’t feeling well at that time was also because she broke up with him during her stay in orientation camp. I asked about the engagement, “Was there any proposal?” She responded he proposed to her while in camp, on phone, after she broke up. He told her over the phone he got her an engagement ring and had the intention to propose for a while.
I told her what I had in mind I didn't mince words. I made her see from my own perspective that such brutality would only get worse as the relationship grew. It was built on the wrong foundation with the absence of support from family and friends, if her pastor was right, heaven as well. She needed to stop making silly excuses and move ahead. By the time I was done she claimed it was over and confessed to seeing other guys by the side but none of them could make her stop thinking of Francis. She said only Imma could make her forget him but had no idea where he was. She was in love with him and if he called her that very minute to propose she would accept. I laughed it off thinking it was a joke.
I slept late that night as she asked google about Imma’s whereabout. She had found the strength to move on...I hoped.
Hours later I was woken up from sleep by what sounded like a whisper. I listened carefully and realised it was a prayer. I didn’t move. I pretended I was asleep as I heard [D] pray to God about Francis. It sounded like a typical Mountain of Fire Prayer requesting everyone that stood between her relationship with Francis to DIE!!! She prayed about the covenant she made with God. The covenant was about getting married to him and nothing was going to change that. She prayed for Francis to change his ways and the strength for her to love him better. For over an hour I heard this babe pray about a guy that had caused her more than physical pain and pretended I was asleep. I wondered if any chic had such sleepless night because of me. I definitely don’t want that. The lesson I learnt from this was some people do not want to be happy. They condition their happiness to that which cause them pain making if difficult, if not impossible, to enjoy the moment.
