Girls Biggest and Most Common Lie

It is safe to say EVERYONE lie, "everyone" in this context refers to a significant number of the world's population. If a man says he doesn't lie, I believe most of us will interpret that as a lie. Reasons people lie? I have a piece on that already. This piece is about the biggest and most common lie by females. Guys hear it all the time because females tell 'em.
The first time I heard it I believed it. You know, it made me feel "special" like she really liked me. That was with Girl A. She came around to hang out, but some how our innocent conversation climaxed with sex.
Months later, something similar happened with Girl B and she said the same thing. Girl C to > Girl Z later, they all said the same thing. Was it included in the genetic make-up of girls to use those words.

In case you don't know what the lie is (which I doubt), it's "I don't usually do this". Yes, that is the highest and most common lie females tell.

I lost count of how many times a girl say "I don't usually do this", and it's ironic because they say it after they had done it and soooo well for that matter. A girl once gave me an orgasmic blow job, one worthy of awarding her a doctorate degree. She messed it up with those words and included "that's my first time of doing that".

Like seriously? So she slept, woke, and the gift of deepthroat was bestowed upon her.

Maybe I should give benefit of doubt. In all honesty, I usually don't do that.
It wasn't all about sex though, money also make 'em utter that lie. I met a girl as usual, she looked aiit and exchanged numbers. In few days time she opened up she needed money. She added, "I'm shy because I usually don't ask guys I hardly know for money". Seriously, isn't that stupid.

My word to girls, please take time out to delete that from your vocabulary because it's annoying and insulting to commonsense.

Maybe they were honest, they usually don't do it, they ALWAYS do it.

Warm regards

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: No More "Buy Me Credit"

On this day, Monday 14^th of May, 2012 I decided to make this announcement out of my own volition. I wasn’t coerced, intimidated, or blackmailed to make this decision. Without prejudice, I decided to no longer purchase call credit/top-ups or any fund that would be used by the opposite sex to acquire such. Why? They fucking don’t deserve it [most of the time].

I grew up believing money never gets the girl’s emotions only her attention. With that in mind I cautioned myself spending on girls but I somehow found myself buying call credit for girls constantly. I had spent N5,000 in 3 days buying credit for girls and the fucked up part was I wasn’t dating any. Most of the time I buy ‘em just to make them stop flashing my phone. 

Out of all expenses, phone bill should be the cheapest. If it isn’t to you then you must be broke so you do not count. So I am surprised why a girl would call a guy for credit, especially when she had a N30,000 hair extensions on her hair. I remember Abby, she was one of those girls that acted like she didn’t need a man in her life, like she was self-sufficient. I was with a friend when I asked her why she had not subscribed to her Blackberry Internet Service (BIS), this babe told me she would do so that evening. Her excuse was she had been preoccupied with other things. That evening the babe sent me a text requesting I pay for her. “Hell No!” I couldn’t blame her, after all, I dropped N3,000 for her to pay for the previous month without her asking. She wanted to turn me to that guy whose friendship with her would be based on that. Now, she subscribes every 2 months and I’m happy for her.

A friend of mine bought MTN call credit for a girl he was hitting on; she called him back to thank him with a GLO line.  Who was she reserving the MTN credit for? Acts like that are irrational. A chic I buy credit for ‘cause I knew her situation called me recently to question why I don’t call her regularly. I also paid for her BIS subscription like it was my tithe and yet, she was making an issue out of not calling.

To all those girls and the future ones, I have pressed the red button on my phone. To be honest, it isn't about the money but no one likes the feeling of being cheated. In such situations, the millions you had in your account equaled a cent someone played you for a fool to get.

Anyway, that’s my announcement. I know girls would still ask but thank God I was raised on how to say, “Hell No” with a smile on my face.

What Is Beauty?

I added a girl on my BBM and... damn! no story necessary just look at the pix below and comment. Tell me how to define beauty because I'm lost here. Have it in mind the pix was taken in a BEAUTY salon/palour and she was wearing a smile. Remember, they say smiles make people beautiful. Add all of those together and define beauty.

The...female in the picture deleted me as a contact. I asked if she was the person on her display picture and she replied 'yes'. I can't remember what I said next but I know I was so honest that she had to delete me as a contact..

Last Nigeria Virgin (pt. 2 Red Rose)

Continued from Last Nigeria Virgin (pt. 1 Green Rose) <--You can click on it

I had friends that disvirgined girls and one word to summarize their experiences was ‘bloody’. I remember one time my guy brought a player over for her debut and they left the room with blood all over the bed sheet. It was as if an animal had been slaughtered. He did the job and had to wash the bed spread alone which wasn’t a nice scene. Now, it was supposed to be my turn. My girlfriend who claimed she was a virgin ran into the bathroom after a round of sex. She didn’t bleed…she ran into the bathroom and closed the door. I didn’t know what was going on in there but I knew the last thing I wanted to see was blood all over my floor. I could hear she was in pain and requested for Panadol which I didn’t have. I suggested getting one at a store a minute from my house but she told me to be patient. She stepped out, no blood, just looking worried. She told me she was feeling pain above the left side of her abdomen and I must have really gone deep. I had to be caring, I had to block off the voice inside me asking why this supposed virgin girlfriend of mine didn’t bleed. I had read not all virgins bleed but this virgin wasn’t tight as well. The chic I wrote about in “Bitch You are Selfish” was way tighter even after countless matches. My thought was interrupted when she said my name.

She told me something I heard for the first time. She talked about reading up somewhere that a girl not disvirgined properly will NEVER enjoy sex. She linked that to the pain she was experiencing and I probably didn’t disvirgin her properly. She suggested we should go for a second round but this time I should hit the spot and she would bleed. I had nothing to lose and with what I had experienced within that last hour she also had nothing to lose. I wore my boot and about to get on the pitch when she suggested I fuck her against the wall. Let me rephrase that, “carry me and fuck me against the wall”. This was a girl that out to make me believe I disvirgined her minutes earlier and now wants the second time she supposedly had sex to be against the wall. At that rate the tenth time she had sex might be while scuberdiving. I tried my best to lift her and take her to cloud nine but the shit wasn’t comfortable. I stopped and adopted conventional porn styles. After that round, I had to go one more just to make sure she was properly disvirgined. Despite the pin point accuracy of my penis I still wasn’t able to make her bleed but I went in with ease. With sex out of the way it was time to talk.

We were silent for a while until she asked why she didn’t bleed. I took that as a rhetorical question. A friend of had been in a similar situation and the girl confessed she lost her virginity the previous week. I hoped she did the same. This my babe stuck to the belief she was a virgin and I disvirgined her. I kept numb on that issue and talked about something else. She called me the next day and accused me of not being caring, that I should have called to ask how she was feeling. She began to frustrate me as she kept playing the ‘is it because you have disvirgined me’ card. I knew how dangerous it was if she deceived herself I was her first. One of my friends was once in such situation. Every time he had an argument with his girlfriend she said, “I curse you with the blood of my virginity I shed on your bed” despite he wasn’t her first. I wasn’t going to let that type of ish happen to me. I got fed up and told her the reasons for the sudden change in behaviour. I told her I always believed she wasn’t one and gave her an opportunity to be upfront, to confess. I gave her the evidence I had but left out the part of her pussy not being tight, that would be my Joker. The following day I did not hear from her. I received a call few days later from her mum.

Her mum told me she saw her daughter crying and she explained what had happened between us. She told me her daughter was indeed a virgin and she could defend her integrity anytime. She was disappointed why I claimed to love the daughter and not trust her. The fact was I never said I loved her but I didn’t tell the mum. The line cut off while she was talking and I called her back to keep hearing why her daughter’s past relationship never worked out because she deprive the boyfriend of sex. She also said her daughter requested to be taken to a doctor to know why she didn’t bleed. I was in a very uncomfortable situation. That was the first time a mother talked to me about having sex with her daughter. It wasn’t a call to insult me but to consider what her daughter said and hopefully make the relationship work. It was like she didn’t feel bad with me fucking her daughter.

The phone call did more harm than good. From that moment I knew the relationship had taken the wrong turn. I don’t mind girls telling their mums about their relationships but there should be no direct link between the mum and the boyfriend. It would only put more pressure on the guy. I made her understand I didn’t appreciate her mum calling me while she defended herself, saying her mum forced her to talk after seeing her in tears. She mentioned telling her mum not to call me but couldn’t explain how she got both my phone numbers. I began to drift away. I couldn’t stand a relationship whose foundation was built on a lie and parental pressure. I saw her days later, she wanted to know the deal between us. Like we were waiting for the first person to voice “it’s over”. While she kept voicing how heartless I was she mentioned she finally bled but didn’t want to tell me. That was almost a week after we had sex her hymen decided to break. That was the final straw and I made her know I would rather believe in fairies than her virginity. I asked her to explain why she wasn’t tight but she avoided that like she didn’t hear. We were in a public place and she began to try stuffs to annoy me. She said she wanted to see me “EXPLODE”. I kept laughing because I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I’m sure [Any] would have told her her actions would only give me something to write about and guess what, it did. 

Like I said in the closing paragraph of“I ‘Just’ Lost it Last Month”

”…Girls, PLEASE, there is no need to add insult to it and lie you haven't fucked. The fact that you are fucking discreetly says a lot already and don't try to be honourable about it. Don’t say shit like “I only have sex with my boyfriend”, “I don’t have sex within a year of dating”, or “I've decided to stop having sex because it messes up relationships”. [FUCK is FUCK]. With that said, "Fuck your guts for uttering those words, BITCH!" 

Last Nigeria Virgin [pt. 1 Green Rose]

Once again, I had one of those relationships that ended before it had begun. I know some girls that wouldn’t be surprised. Shirley once said I need to free myself from those types of females. I tried running away from them, but now it seemed I’ve only been moving on a treadmill. I had decided to stay off girls, got tired of doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I was on way home when this lady approached me and after a small chat she requested for my phone number. Within the past few weeks, she wasn't  the only one to take such a step. I think she was the third. The difference this time was I also requested for hers. As I walked away I assured her I would call her later that day. That might not be a big deal to some people, but it was to me. I was ‘affiliated’ with many females, and my phone book was a trash of digits. I scroll through, and I see names like; Chioma (Akoka/she likes colour blue), Chioma (fair & loves rock music), Chioma (Imo babe with huge ass/Surulere)...even with the tags, I still found it difficult matching the faces with names, so I never call until I experienced an epiphany. The only ladies I remembered were those on my call list. I called her that evening and requested we hang out the coming weekend.

I have an impatient attitude towards girls and relationships. I tell me people, my life isn’t a soap opera so don’t expect me to wait till next week to say what’s on my mind, and I don’t expect the girl to wait for the right moment to let me know what was on hers. When I see a girl I find attractive I tell her like it is, and if she wasn’t interested in me, I move ahead before feelings got involved. After all, I wasn’t asking her to marry me so making a decision to date shouldn’t be that difficult or need her to consult friends.  

From the phone conversation we had I sensed she was interested. I only hoped she didn’t begin to build walls around her because I wasn’t ready to raise a finger to make them tumble. I don’t appreciate girls playing with red/green lights. We met that Saturday, had fun, and on Sunday she was in Stamford Bridge. Slow down…we didn’t have sex. We were in my bed gisting until I kissed her. With no permission I kissed her and she kissed back. Base one [check], Base two [check], Base three…[hold on, I’m a Virgin].

I had nothing against virgins. My surprise was because I had no idea she was one from the discussion we’ve had so far. I know it wasn’t written on the forehead, but I can’t possibly have her half naked less than 24 hours after our first date just to hear she was one. I retrospected about the past discussions we’ve had to see if she left signals…nope! She sensed I was distracted as my actions became passive and asked if I had anything against virgins. I had nothing against virgins EXCEPT the egocentric attitude displayed when they glorified their status. You know the saying, when all you got was a hammer you see every problem as a nail. Virgins were like that (hammer). Their virginity was made the sun in which their world evolved. I led her into my past experiences with virgins. If I call them and act all romantic they believe it was because I was yet to have sex with them. If I don’t call and act romantic they claim my sudden change in behaviour was because I wasn’t getting any. The most annoying part was when they used sex to motivate and say shit like, “I can’t wait to make love to you. Just be patient, one day you’ll enjoy all of me”.

She laughed it off, claiming she was different. I took that as a lie, we don’t laugh at lies. From that moment on I thought the relationship would take a different turn, more talk less action, but I was wrong. She was comfortable with us doing EVERYTHING except sex. The kissing became intense; the blow job paid off cause the head I gave was correct. I went a step further when I fingered her and she enjoyed it. She was moaning in ecstasy. I had fingered virgins before and getting the tip of my finger inside her pussy was difficult. Definitely impossible without her in pain but this babe didn’t feel that. I began to stimulate my finger as if it was a penis to fuck her and it went in and out with ease. I called it BRT lane. The only time she complained was about the incompetence of a finger and suggested I used two. Yea, two fingers disappeared into this girl’s pussy and appeared and she still claimed virgin. Days later we went a step further. This time, the deal was only the head of my dick could enter. According to her, we weren’t having sex. There was a round I was more than certain my dick was fully inside her but she still disregarded the notion of us having sex. She would say stuffs like, “I’m yet to have an orgasm ‘cause we were yet to have sex blah blah blah and how tight she was”. I nodded as an agreement to what she wanted me to believe. I got tired of acting once and told her she wasn’t a virgin and drama begun. I had never seen anyone in an attempt to be convincing. She earned her [first] Oscar performance when she said, “I’ll like us to go for a virginity test. It seems that would be the only way for you to believe I am a virgin”. A typical Ade would have jumped to have that experience but it wasn’t necessary. I decided to play along with the conception of her being a V. I would pretend not to have sex with her and she would pretend as well.

She called me after one of those days of…sex? She said she saw spots of blood on her panties. I was amazed. Finally, this girl found a way of putting me in the dark if she was a virgin or not. I was left to believe I might have mistakenly applied pressure on her hymen and it ruptured hours later. This babe was good and I was glad the whole virginity issue was settled. She called hours later that she was still a virgin. That the blood was from her clitoris [something like that]. That I might have injured her while my fingers were fucking her. I was like…damn! This babe had a free pass about this whole virginity ish and did a Torres by wasting the opportunity.

The day finally came, the day she told me to go all the way. In my mind, I was like; this is it. The moment of truth and blood. I knew what virgins could do to a clean bed spread but I was bothered because I was of the motion this girl wasn’t a V. My first thrust nothing happened. She began to tell me how painful it was. I wanted to laugh but held it back, I also wanted an Oscar performance. Second, third, fourth thrust…no blood. She looked surprised. “Just go for it at once, put everything in. Don’t worry about the pain I’m feeling." If only she knew my dick was close to feeling her ribs. I kept on going while she kept asking if blood was rushing out. I came first; she pushed me away and ran to my bathroom. She closed the door behind her and I could hear her writhe, saying something like “pain…below…abdomen…have…Panadol”.

I sensed this babe would continue with the act even after hearing cut getting caught. And that was when the real drama begun.

Click on "Last Nigeria Virgin[pt. 2 Red Rose]" for the concluding part.

Put The Blame On The Cameraman

Who was to blame for an ugly picture? The photographer behind the lens or the person in front of the lens. There were times I heard women complain to photographers that he "didn't snap me well", well, who was to blame? As in, doesn't a camera make it possible to replicate visual reality. If that was the case then free the photographer from any sort of blame. Thanks to technology we now have Photoshop to distort reality. For those who makeup failed to give them their desire look, computer generated imagery was the solution (at least on paper). For that smooth even toned skin, big breast, and sparkling white teeth.
There was this woman, she was a typical example of why men shouldn't get carried away with pictures. Her photos told huge lies, a master deceit. On pictures she could compete with Beyonce, no jokes. But in reality...LOoOoooooL...Damn! She was the sh!t (literally). It was as if her parents somehow raped each other to conceive her. There was no joy in her looks. So it was understandable why all her pictures were photoshoped.
There was this man that got her Blackberry PIN and had been chatting with her on BBM. He had no fucking idea of how she looked outside her display pictures and he already confessed his love. Even if he was lying (which I hope for his good), the day he sees her in person would make him realise he had been played. You can't f*ck this (unless you were high on crack cocaine...maybe).
Anyway, that was her personal business. Who am I to judge? An issue came up though, people had to submit there full length pictures for security reasons. She submitted one of her sexy photoshoped pictures and it was refused. The officer looked at the picture then her face...no resemblance. He asked, "Is this your picture?" She nodded. That was when the officer said, "I can't take this". She demanded for a reason which the officer found difficult to respond without being offensive. I understood the situation, if the picture was used on posters in the unfortunate event of her being missing (or wanted), there was no fucking way she would be found even if she stood beside one of the posters. The only thing the officer could say was, "erm...the background, it's too bright. Let me use my phone to snap you now and I'll print it later". The lady responded, "And I told that cameraman o, that the background was too bright".

You Are Only a Girlfriend, Don't get Carried Away With The Title: The Definition

While Urban Dictionary defines Girlfriend as (n.) the one human female which holds certain super-human abilities such as: mind control, mood swings, playing tired, breaking the bank, and unlimited talking, I define "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" has the person you have chosen and socially accepted to have sex with without being called names. Yea, some people would say does a relationship always have to be about sex, well, if you aren't a virgin you are not supposed to have this view. Anyway, my focus is unrealistic expectation girlfriends have in a relationship, for some reasons (known only to them) they see themselves as top priority. You know a girl for few weeks, tag her as girlfriend, and she wants your world to evolve around her.
A lot of females have called me a kid on this issue, saying I ain't ready for a relationship. That if I wanted to commit I should be able to put the babe first all the time, but that's bullshit. We all are like football Managers with people in our lives the players. If a player wasn't performing well, regardless of the amount spent on the player, you sub him and place him on the bench until he picks up. In other words, no one had a permanent starting eleven position. The importance was to motivate them, to always put in their best. I see most girlfriends, even those of my friends believing they had a permanent starting spot, all because they were tagged "girlfriend". They demand too much of what they don't deserve and when you ask why such demand, the answer would be, "Because I'm your girlfriend/ boyfriend". My response in such situation was, "You are only a girlfriend, don't get carried away with the title".
The reason girlfriends act like such wasn't because they were selfish, it was because of a "loop hole" in word definition and reality. Most people relate to objects and people according to the definition given to them. For example, if you visit someone for the first time, you feel sleepy and the person suggest you sleep in her/his bed. From the word "bed" you think it would be something soft and comfortable. You get to the room only to find out it was entirely made of concrete. You are likely to challenge the person it wasn't a bed and at that moment the only point you have to make your defence was your DEFINITION of what a bed was. Back to girlfriends and boyfriends. Most people have a definition of what they should be, caring, loving, supporting blah blah blah, but in reality are they? When you acknowledge an individual was your gf/bf, you automatically give them the qualities and expectations you have for them according to your definition.
This definition was based on experiences (personal, friends, or TV) and to be honest, I doubt anyone would fully fit your definition because most people have unrealistic expectations in their definition. So because you were the girlfriend the guy wants you to be willing to have sex everytime, give him privacy...which might not be in your own definition as a girlfriend. Same with guys, the girlfriend might define you with the qualities you would define a father.
I believe in having realistic definition and that has nothing to do with the title you give the person but one unique of the individual. This was something I developed in Primary school after realising teachers weren't always right (that obviously changed my definition of a teacher). If you are lucky to date me, don't say you should do this and that because you are this. Don't say i should tell me my secrets because you are a girlfriend. And definitely don't think I will make you the one and only in my life, because I had friends that had been there before you and I have more qualities to define them than you. Once again, you are only a girlfriend, don't get carried away with your title.

Bitch You Are Selfish

WARNING: If you aren't cool with profanity, don't read this. Thank you and f*ck you was you close this page.
I won't describe myself as someone who is addicted to the drug, Pussy. Yea, I probably sniff it when I eat it atimes but that doesn't mean I'm one hundred percent into it. By the way, the sniffing was for hygienic purpose. If it should smell bad then it had bacteria and that's STD (potential). Back to Pussy, I know guys who would do/say anything just to get to a girl's pussy and as long as they got it, they tolerated the babe's bullshit. Well, that's bullshit. I had a chic that I'm sure would f*ck me in my grave if my dick was erect...come rain, sunshine....the girl was a boy scout (always prepared). Always so willing to give. But, Ade had to let her go. Not because I was tired of the pussy, the girl was always rebranding. I had to let her go because she was selfish.
Yea, girls are selfish. (Any) was one of 'em, this was second. At first this babe was making me travel from Gbagada to Iyana Ipaja to see her. I had no idea her side existed but I went, not because of the pussy, I just wanted the experience. Even when she came to my place, she would want me to "walk" her to Oshodi, which was half the journey.
She was also sefish when if came to sex (sic). You might f*ck this babe 10 rounds, as long as you used a condom you never go one round. She would demand her own "first round" without a condom. I was confused at first, like, I just played full 90 minutes, extra time, PK, and this babe was disregarding my performance that I should start again. Yea, she would begged and say, "I can't believe I'm begging you to f*ck without condom, most guys would jump at the opportunity". Well, considering the state the world was in I wouldn't jump into any pussy dick first.
She also displayed her selfishness after I had an appendectomy. Few days afer the stitches were removed I still had to regularly dress where the incision was made...it was still painful but I survived. This babe came over and said she wanted to f*ck. I was like "f*ck, I was under the knife 2 weeks ago" she consoled my manhood by saying, "don't worry it would still stand". For the past few days I had been feeding on Lucozade because I couldn't take anything solid, and this babe wanted to literally suck the life out of me. I know I'm endowed but this chic wanted to expoilt me.
Well, she had to top that and she tried during the Occupy Nigeria period. After days of strike I was down to my last N2,015, when Cash in hand equals Cash at Bank. This babe came over, opened my wallet and took N2,000 leaving the N15 for me to buy biscuit? She had the balls to tell me she didn't have change but would give me N500 out of my money (which she didn't). It wasn't about the amount, N2000 was nothing. But realising if I was down to my last, this babe felt she deserved 99 percent of it. It just proved she was selfish sexually and finacially and you don't want to mess with a chic into sex and money.
Mehn, I just have to console myself with Drake's "Trust Issues".

Tito

I was on my way home from work when I was approached by a guy in my area. He was familiar, as in, we never conversed except the occassional "Chairman, how far?" and I keep walking. This time the conversation lasted longer with him telling me about me (sic). That I was cool and all, you know (things I knew), just diligently maintaining my own lane. Like he was going to honour me with an award he told me about a girl Tito (actual nickname) and how she was the perfect girl for me. How we would compliment each other with all those ish. I have to admit this was a new height, I have had girls hit on me, drop lines, to get my number but not a guy do it for a girl I had no idea existed. He gave me her number and told me I should buzz her the next day, by then he would have talked to her about me. Imagine, even the girl had no idea I existed.
I called her (finally) and by the time I hung up I had one impression of her, the girl was rude which I included in a text message to her, why I wouldn't call her again. You don't have to insult anyone undeservingly to be regarded rude, I'm able to know if the person was close to the border. Since I don't want 99 problems and a bitch to be one, I closed that chapter after the phone call, Tito had to park well. Few hours later, she called to tell me she was in my area, supposedly to see her aunt, and wanted to see me. This girl was getting rude and relentless.
I met her, and what I can say about her physical appearance was "she looked aiit", not a striking feature, just aiit. Apparently the guy told her I wanted to date her and she came to know what I "saw" in her to ask her out. I wasn't a cassanova but I was hardly single. There were always beautiful faces around me and this girl definitely had no idea who I was to think I'll go to that (short) lenght to get her. My relationship status was similar to Jose Mourihno's managerial jobs. I might be in a relationship without the potential to last and the girlfriend(s) would keep making threats to "sack" me BUT by the time I'm single offers come immediately. Even those that ex me table new contract. I played along with the notion the babe had.
This babe told me there was 3 conditions I had to fuifil to qualify as her boyfriend. First, I had to be caring. Second, I had to be capable to provide her needs. Third, I had to...(Damn! Forgotten). Well, we had to discuss each one. I asked her to tell me the first condition again and she replied that I must be capable (I thought that was the second, anyway). Capable in what sense? This babe said I must be able to provide her needs like buy phones, clothes...all those material things. I had to ask, "what about your parents, are they dead?" This babe made a (stupid) point, "What would be the use of a boyfriend, if he can't take care of me. My parents pay my school fees and feed me, I can't ask them for everything." I told her, "apparently your parents do the most important things in your life." She said her ex boyfriends use to buy stuffs for her like phones and I told her they had to be Yahoo Guys. She couldn't defend that, Yahoo guys (temporarily) spoil business for we non-Yahoo guys, spending stupidly on stupid girls making them see that as a norm. I told her I wasn't an IT guy and I refuse to buy a phone for a girl because...then I realised she was using a Nokia 2100, those Made for Africa phones with torchlights. "Which boyfriend bought this for you because I can do better by giving you one of my phones?"
At that point she had to leave, I had enough of juvy yarns for a day. I talked to her about changing her mentality. It would take nothing to lie just to f*ck her and breakup after. She would ask why, and I'll let her know I've realised I couldn't meet up to her needs and decided to terminate the contract.
I met the guy that gave me her number two days later. I thanked him for introducing me to the type of girls I felt I left behind in the Univeristy (for good reasons). He reacted when I mentioned the phone issue and he cleared me. Getting a Blackberry had always been the girl's dream. Her ex-boyfriend/fuck mate/fulltime IT guy, got a Blackberry 9800 (White) for her once and collected it back when they fought/brokeup/stopped fucking. That really traumatised her (not the end of the relationship though but the phone). She had been trying to get back that phone but she was broke (not only financially but mentally). Another guy she met promised to get her the phone just to f*ck her. She would come to his place and talk about the phone from am to pm, she was even specific, the white one with a silver lining. The guy told her he had ordered it online and would get to Nigeria in 2 weeks. For the next 2 weeks he fucked her like her pussy was about to expire. The two weeks elapsed and he came with another format that it was stuck with customs. When he got fed up he ended the "relationship". Who would have guessed this girl won't learn. She still brought up the get me a phone ish whenever she met a guy.
The guy called the girl that she messed up with me. He later told me the girl had changed and to prove it she would f*ck me when/if next I see her. I had to pass on that offer. I'm allergic to broke girls and cheap pussy, not to mention a broke girl with a cheap pussy. Word!

The $1000 Theme Song

I've heard people say, "you don't know a person's real attitude until they are rich". However, the definition of being wealthy/rich is relative. What I mean was, if it would take an individual to be worth $1,000,000 to change her/his attitude, it might take another individual $1,000 only. The later was seen in an individual with "poverty mentality" and I have a saying, "poverty has no hiding place". When an individual was broke you smell/see/feel it. Now, to the experience.
One of these new generation churches that sound like a professional exam, HICC, decided to hold a competition. The competition was about recording a theme song for the church and had a $1,000 prize money. Everyone who could talk thought they could sing (exaggeration) and recorded something. One of the members approached a producer to record the theme song he wrote. After laying the beat the producer suggested he got a female singer to voice. A female (choir)member of the congregation voiced it after demanding payment of N10,000. In 30 minutes the voicing was done and in few weeks time the song was declared the winner, yea, $1,000 ONLY. The guy WHO wrote the song was given a Naira equivalent of N150,000.
Looking at it from a professional angle, the guy had paid the babe and no need for further payment. He had invested N10,000 he used to pay her initially excluding studio cost. For the sake of goodwill he decided to give her N15,000 out of the prize money but this babe demanded N60,000. If I were to be in the guy's situation I would walk away without paying her anything after she said that. Stupidity + greed needs to be punished with avoidance. He made an attempt to make her see everyone else in the picture he had to settle but this babe believed the theme song wouldn't have won if she had not voiced it. She obviously had no idea no one was indispensable [ask Tevez]. He gave her N30,000 and she made an extra demand that he should also pay her brothers, three of 'em. For some reasons I do not see as rational, he paid the three brothers N3,000 each. That was N30,000 for the babe and N9,000 for the brothers.
This guy went home hoping it had been settled only for her to show up in his place early the next morning. She returned the N30,000 he gave her the previous night and said it wasn't enough. For more reasons I still see as irrational, he increased it to N55,000. When you sum up this amount and the previous N10,000 he paid her and the N9,000 for the brothers, this babe got N74,000. While he was left with N76,000 including other cost incurred.
I once wrote on my Facebook wall that I see a significant number of females of my generation not getting married, a guy asked me why I held such thought. This was one of the reasons. Most girls were too financially hungry for my liking and not interested in making money through hard work. What this babe doesn't know was that such actions would be used to label/judge her. I won't be surprised if she spend the money on something stupid like a Blackberry because the day she voiced the song it was a rubber band used to hold her phone together.
I would not put all the blame on the babe, the guy deserve some credit in the aspect. I would have laughed as she was making such demands and pay her N50 only to buy biscuits for her and her brothers on her way home.

Beware of the Rise of the Miracle Jeans

I grew up believing females were attracted to "fakeness". I found support for my belief in their love/dependence on makeup, weaves...and even the wrong type of guys. By the time I was old enough I realised I was right and thought I had developed "immunity" to see through all those and spot a girl that looked beautiful as a result of "packaging" from a distance. I developed rules like "don't tell a girl you are seeing for the first time in the dark that she was beautiful, because the sun might make you see the light and change your mind". But lately, I've found myself staring at females [women/mothers in disguise] that I should not even notice as I walk pass them and I believe I know source of the deception. BEWARE OF THE RISE OF THE MIRACLE JEANS.
Miracle jeans are what I call any jeans that make the bottom half of a female sexy/attractive. Years ago I noticed it was common among underage. I'll be walking down the street and see someone ahead of me and from the back view I conclude the girl HAD to be beautiful. The jeans would package her ass/hips that I speed up my steps but after seeing her face I would realise she probably just clocked 13. These days those jeans are being worn by mothers (of five), females that should have retired in the game. I see them wearing miracle skinny jeans that would make you think they were beautifully in their 20s BUT you literally don't want to fuck with what you see from the front view. It tells a different story as you see the scars of the years she had lived on her skin. There was a prostitute/mother of 4 who preferred to wear miracle skinny jeans than anything short because of her legs. (Don't ask me how I know) her customers say it looked like she had s bad case of chicken pox as a child. I had disgraced myself few times by dropping a line as I walk pass the female wearing miracle skinny jeans and as I take a look over my shoulder to see the reaction, I see one "retired" female smiling back and that is not sexy...it only spoils the mood.
I am not suggesting females to stop wearing sexy outfits all because they were taken/married. I personally would prefer my chic to be sexy till death. I fell there should be a sign at the ass region of the miracle jeans that should say the female's status and her age. What do you think?

Appendix Friends

I have lots of useless people in my life...like appendix useless, just there with no useful function. Like your appendix the only thing they cause is pain and by then you have no choice but to cut them off. I call them Appendix Friends...and everybody have one, two, three, damn! Like malaria they keep coming back, and stronger. They are always there when you take that decision you now regret and they attempt to reorganise your L.I.F.E, twist the "F" and "L" for them to read you easily like a FILE. Some date them and say all those romantic bullshit to 'em. Those are the Appendix boyfriend/ girlfriend...useless as an airconditioner on a bicycle. Like books, these appendix friends deserve to be in the back, yeah....where appendix was meant to be, way after the important stuffs that have meanings.

Too bad most of my appendix friends were females...I have 99 problems and they all bitches...and good for 'em that they all know it. Imagine this...no, don't imagine because I lived it. A girl know you are interested in her and after talking your blah! Blah! Blah! Sh!t She asks you for your friend's number. A guy she happened to meet once and had no interest in her. This guy never mentioned her and as his friend I would have known but he NEVER decleared 1% interest. I gave her the number...least she would get fucked. Then she twists it and claims I'm acting somehow...bitch please?

I witnessed appendix friends at its best when a company retrenched some of her workers...these appendix friends were willing to save their asses and acted shocked and sympathetic when their supposed friend told 'em they were fired. Life is bullshit no doubt but these appendix friends bring it close to your face to make the stench be a constant reminder.

I wish I could tell you to pray against appendix friends and it would all be OK buy Jesus Christ had an appendix friend, Judas...and see how he ended up.

Kinky Love Triangle

I'll start by saying this post is not rated Jenim. Jenim is a girl I know that described some of my writings as "vile" and tagged me as "professor of masturbatory studies". If you also have such opinion about my posts, I can assure you this one won't perform any justice in changing your mind. Since Jenim might not like it that was why I chose the rating.
In my defense my blog isn't Super Story, I am not preaching family values but my experiences which we all have our unique ones but I've decided to put mine in words. Like this one I've titled "Kinky Love Triangle".

Where do I begin to make you understand the feeling I had throughout this experience. It was back in the University of Lagos, sophomore, and I was in a period where I thought I had discovered myself. I would describe myself as socially-reclusive but still had my guys with bonds stronger than the rest. These were the guys you could make sacrifices for and no pussy or dough could come between [theoretically]. One of 'em told me about a girl he was interested in dating...the girl was fine I aint gonna lie & she had an innocent look about her that could either attract or discourage a guy regardless of his intentions. The conflicting thing about such looks was that a guy could either see the girl as naïve and get what he wanted [is there any need to spell it out?] Without stress OR the girl could be too naïve and dull the guy until he came to his senses to move ahead. This girl was a mix of the two, she was like a faulty street light. One second you see the green light and before you could move an inch it turns red. My guy got fed up and officially proclaimed he no longer had the chic on the parole list. I decided to collect the baton because I had this feeling I was fast enough to cross that line when I see the green light before it turned red. I decided to take it slow to achieve that, girls like that were moved by words and I was good combining them to compose wonderful sentences. The frustrating aspect for me was I never saw the green light.

I was on my way to the library when I heard someone call my name, it was her. I told her where I was off to and she decided to tag along. That was good enough for me...I saw that as an opportunity and I took it. My purpose of visiting the library was to find reference materials for an assignment on rites of passage- how certain cultures celebrated a child's transition into adulthood. Some how the discussion about my assignment became sexual in nature. And that was before we even stepped into the library. If my assignment was based on sex, her mind was enough reference material and she facinated me more because it contrasted her persona/appearance. As we stepped into library my eyes began to scan for a location that was coded. Where it would be possible to run things. I spotted one between some old shelves in a corner. In the pretext of finding books I led her to that spot and the first thing I did was to clear doubts and make her know "No one can see us standing here". She went 360 degrees to confirm. Next thing I knew, we began to kiss...like really kiss. At one point I had my fingers in her pants and hers in mine. What tripped me the most was we kept on laughing and commenting on what we were doing. You only experience such things with people you were comfortable with...physically. From that day on our make out sessions began in the mornings before class, like before 7 o'clock, it was one of the best ways to start the day. I'll be in class, sitting with my heart filled with bliss while I watched the lecturer's lips move before I fall asleep in class. Then one day she told me my guy, who said he was no longer interested, was making moves. As in, he wanted to continue from where he stopped and this time he was determined to date her.

I was in a position where I definitely didn't want to be. I was beginning to really like her and...maybe I was at fault. Although I told my guy I was interested, I left out what went down in the library as well as other lips touching sessions. More over all our moves had been coded while his was for all to see. The reason I decided to keep it on a low was to avoid his interest in her resurfacing but it did eventually. If I dated her I knew people would tell me I fucked up my guy's moves. Still I didn't want to let go like that, it wasn't that easy. I left the decision open for her to make [as if I had a choice]. She told me to make it to school early one morning...apparently she told my guy the same thing. He got to her before me and that was what her decision to date him was based on, because he got to her early.

Their relationship blossomed no doubt. Any feeling I had had to be buried somewhere way deeper than my unconscious. I tried to distance myself from her but it wasn't possible. The fact that she was dating my guy meant we would still be seeing each other just as much. I went to my guy's place one day and noticed they were both in his room...the soundtrack was bloody in the sense that I had to hear her moan as she lost her virginity. I mean, I shouldn't feel anything but I did. No one noticed I was there and I preferred to keep it that way. I couldn't look at her in the eyes from then on because all the innocence was gone as I looked from mine. Maybe it was a selfish/jealous feeling but I knew if for a reason we ended up dating, she would NEVER be the way I left her.

They say opportunity comes once and when I met her younger sister, I saw it as an opporunity presenting itself twice. The younger sister reminded me of the girl I knew in the library. Not for the make out part but for the fun loving aspect. Maybe it was my uncouscious rooting the feeling I had for her sister and directing it to her. The sister wasn't in support of me making any move but I didn't care, as far as I was concerned she shouldn't have a say in this. I wasn't going to let go of this opportunity. My relationship with her sister began and at a point I got confused. Was I interested in her because I couldn't get her sister or because I liked her...at times I find myself calling her her sister's name. My guy travelled to the UK for his masters but not before ending the relationship with the girl. Apparently the relationship was stretched to the limit that the incompatibility was obvious. To be honest, I do know they both seem to be happy together...seperated.

She is single, I'm dating her sister but would preferred if it were her and she knows that and waiting for me to make a move this time. Now I'm here typing this thinking...should I follow my heart this time and fight for this feeling or should I let this slip away and cease this kinky love triangle. I know people are going to have things to say...names to call but if that was going the cost of having a happy relationship was it worth it? I have decided that this time, like the last, I'm going to leave my arms wide open and sees if she runs to embrace. The twist now is I'll walk away from both of them if she comes late.

Ade Wrote a Love Song

I was shuffling songs on my ipod until I skipped to a love song I wrote & recorded years ago. I wouldn't confidently label it a "Love song", it was one of those songs I wrote when I was bursting with talent back in school about a girl. Her name was [W] and I have to admit, she was the sh!t. But...I was young and not as____as I am now with girls so things didn't go as I wanted. The lyrics of 2nd and 3rd verse should be enough to give you an idea of what happened.

Verse 2:
It started as a joke
First time she said "No"
Her friend said I should chill
That she needed time to think
So I waited for a week
[W] didn't say a thing
What she said in the end
Was "We could still be friends"
I just don't understand
I just can't be that man
That always understands
I got my mind
And I know you think with your heart
And if I say we compromise
Then we just won't last (won't last)
'Cause the rain will fall
And your friends will talk
And so many other things can come
To f us up
And I know this for sure
At the end of the day
One of us will say
"Na you know the thing way you dey find"

Verse 3:
Going back
To what we would be
Or what we should [have] become
Looking back
On you and me
Or how I looked at you
It has faded...
With no memory left the memories left
When I stopped to care
And I'm feeling
That if I see you...
I'll probably say "F you"

[W] never had the chance to hear the song because she changed school and I don't even know what she is up to right now. Saw some one that looked like her few days ago, we were staring at each other. In my mind I was hoping she wasn't the one, not that I was having cold feet, but as much as they looked alike the [W] I knew was way beautiful. I walked away convincing myself I saw someone that looked like her. Maybe that's why I'm not motivated to find her because I fear I might not be impressed with what I see.

Honour Among Hoes

Once upon a time I stayed in a house that had two separate rooms in the backyard occupied by two professional sex workers. One was in her late thirties while the other was in her early twenties and still had years ahead of her in the game. Despite their profession I have to admit they were "decent". Decent in the sense that they don't dress skimpy while at home and portray "bad prostitute manners". Maybe it was because where they stayed was their place of recluse, no customer allowed, so they could be themselves.
The older one decided to take the younger one under her tutelage, teach her some old tricks. For simplicity I'll refer to the younger po-po as Miss. A and the older one as Mrs. B. The relationship would have profit them both if only there was honour among hoes.

It all started with a man [as always], Mrs. B knew her time was almost up and began making retirement plans which involved making a boyfriend out of her latest customer. The persona she portrayed was a misunderstood female that lived a rocky upbringing and had been taken advantaged of by men. She made what would be a mistake by inviting the boyfriend over and a meeting with Miss. A was established. Mrs. B sensed it was a wrong move but the experience she had ahead of Miss. A gave her the [false] confidence she wasn't a challenge. Miss. A observed the guy Mrs. B invited was loaded and decided to eat part of the cake without her noticing. An argument ensued the day Mrs. B noticed Miss. A's phone number on her boyfriend's call log. After the name calling and stripping all in the name of cat fight they both retired into their rooms. They were not on talking terms and for once there was peace.

The following Friday night/Saturday morning, I was in bed when I heard the scream of "Fire!". I joined the other neighbours and rushed to the backyard where we saw the room of Miss. A was up in flames. The first thing was to put out the flames, after that the question was "what/who caused it?". There was blackout and Miss. A wasn't in for the night making Mrs. B the prime suspect. But Mrs. B wasn't in either, a neighbour said he saw her go out all dressed up in the afternoon and was yet to return. It was concluded that Miss. A was the last to leave. Then I remembered I saw Miss. A's silhouette in her room late that night and I observed she had a candle on. The conclusion was Miss. A must have forgotten to put out the candle. A guy called her to inform her of what happened and she responded she would be there before daybreak. Miss. A called Mrs. B accusing her of being the cause of the fire, unaware they both weren't in. Mrs. B laughed at the tragedy & made it clear she wasn't in. Instead she was having fun with a rich man that just landed in the country.

Apparently Miss. A was sleeping over at Mrs. B's boyfriend's place. Mrs. B had told the boyfriend that she couldn't come over that day because she wasn't feeling well. The boyfriend heard the conversation and decided to call Mrs. B to ask how she was doing [or confirm what he heard]. Mrs. B claimed she was feeling better and was at home. The boyfriend asked to know if the fire did not destroy her belongings..."How did you know?" She asked. That was the beginning of another drama. Her prostitute's sense was tingling, she cleared him she knew Miss. A wasn't in and suspected he was f@*king her. He returned the service and told her what she had said during her phone conversation with Miss. A. There was no use denying, they were all being deceptive. My conclusion- Miss. A was in a hurry to f@*k Mrs. B's boyfriend she forgot to put off the candle which put her room up it flames, bringing to light there was no honour among hoes [and also a po-po can't change her ways].

Miss. A got scared and knew if she had a one-on-one encounter with Miss. B she would deal with her, beat her black and blue then back to black, back to back. That was why she involved neighbours to mediate. Girls would always be girls, both Miss. A and Mrs. B took the fight between themselves leaving the guy out. The boyfriend text Mrs. B to apologise and called Miss. A "a prostitute" that was only after his money. Mrs. B showed everyone the message with the single motive of trashing Miss. A reputation which was stupid, how the hell do you expect to trash a prostitute by calling her a prostitute? A neighbour decided to settle the dispute and called both lad...I meant females. Miss. A claimed it was the guy making the advances and she was only interested in the money as compensation for the sexual gratification she provided. Mrs. B was convinced she was lying, she was talking when Miss. A phone rang. It was her boyfriend. She answered it and placed the call on speaker for all to hear. The boyfriend trashed Mrs. B without mincing words to convince Miss. A he was only interested in her. He made a statement that almost made Mrs. B cry, he called her an "overused old cargo". Using age to diss a female was a blow way below the belt especially when the girl was alone/lonely. Mrs. B got tired of the drama in the area and moved out. She couldn't take the humiliation that came with the mockery from people especially Miss. A. She knew her intention of finding a guy to settle down with won't come from that environment.

Letters To Juliet: Death of Romance

I enjoy watching romantic movies...I ain't gonna lie. Despite the predictability of the boy meets girl formula I still find them interesting. Definitely, some movies stand out- Sleepless in Seattle, Notting Hill, 10 Things I Hate About You...but on average I like 'em all except one movie "Letters to Juliet". I wasn't bothered about the acting/directing. I simply didn't relate with the plot...

A girl travels to Italy with her Italian fiancé who happens to be a chef for a "pre-honeymoon". The guy is away for a few days during the trip for business. During that period, she meets a British and falls for him. Over 80 percent of the time she spent with the Brit they weren't on good terms but, the very few times they shared a laugh and kissed was enough to convince her to cancel her engagement and hook up with the Brit.

The plot took a lot of what people regard as important in a relationship for granted including commitment. It showed no matter the foundation you have "built" in your relationship, any guy [given few hours] can prove he was more in love/committed. If the girl had cheated while the fiancé I wouldn't have been surprised [no hard feelings] because that was normal BUT you don't end a relationship on the engagement bus heading to the altar for no concrete reason.
I have to admit, judging by the selfishness and unpredictability of girls, there was a possibility of it happening. I know there are girls who are never satisfied with what they had...always out for a new thing. Maybe this isn't the death of romantic movies but a new twist in romance..."Who mattered wasn't the one that took the girl to the club, bought drinks for her and made sure she had the time of her life, who mattered was the one that took her home".

To Whom It May Concern

This post is not about anyone in particular...especially you Faith.

When I was down I saw people for who they really were and still never used that to judge them. I had an operation and told very few people about it, you were one of the few. How many did times you check on me? ZERO. How many times did you call? NONE. How many flash or "Please Call Me" text? LESS THAN ZERO. But immediately I felt a bit better I decided to check on you. We weren't dating but whatever could make a 'friend' not check on me must be serious enough for me to check on the friend as soon as I could walk. I was still recovering but I was determined to check up on you so I called that I was coming to see you. I got there and you refused to pick my calls making it difficult to see you. I had to see from your changing Blackberry status you were having fun at a party. You saw the missed calls and you did nothing. Apparently I wasted my time. I had to contact you later, NOT you. What is the point of having a 'friend' you can't count on? That you should have asked yourself before you insinuated I wasn't a good friend. Then you turned a habit to saying 'sharrap' and insulting. So you said it when I was in a 'bad' mood and I typed. (•͡_ •͡┌П┐ [fuck you] and apologised few minutes later. Unlike you who call me names and say you were JOKING...I APOLOGISED and you found that enough to paint me black. You tell me you have not changed, if this was you then I was mistaken in the first place. But if it works for you and makes you a better person and more people could testify to that; remain the same.

The Break Up: Based on Life Events

A girl and a guy were standing in front of a building.
The girl was feeding off a bowl of ice cream while the guy was looking dejected.
The girl had called for the meeting to end the relationship with the guy.
On his way to meet her she had asked him to buy ice cream for her. He did.
The guy demanded to know if there was another guy.
The girl responded she was back with her ex.
The guy accused her of cheating.
Then she corrected herself.
"I never broke up with him in the first place."
The guy was dumbfounded.
She tried to make it clear, she had been cheating on her boyfriend with him and not vice versa.
She apologised and admitted their affair/relationship had been filled with guilt.
She never wanted it to happen in the first place.
He asked, "Before or after you called my ex behind me to confirm if I had broken up with her?"
She kept quiet.
He asked, "Before or after you asked me to introduce you to my mum?"
She still maintained her silence. The only thing that came out from her mouth was the spoon she used in taking the ice cream.
He asked, "Before or after I disvirgined you?"
She kept quiet. She opened her mouth...to allow the ice cream in.
Then she apologised, "Sorry for making you break up with your ex."
She dropped another punchline, "My pastor said you are not my future husband."
He said, "Before or after...just forget it."
"We could still be friends."
His heart became heavy.
She asked, "Will you still get me the phone you promised me?"
He walked away. Any action apart from that would get someone hurt.
The girl...obviously.
Right now I have a warning for those with sisters, girlfriends, and mothers.
This guy could fuck them all regardless of age, shape, and size.
He needs to get rid of the hurt.

The End.

I am Allergic to Broke Girls

I thought Africans never had allergies until I proved myself wrong. Found out I am allergic to broke girls, that breed of the other specie, that is financially incapable of taking care of their necessities. Despite being monetary handicapped she still demands from a guy WANTS instead of NEEDS.
Feel free to call me names, I was fortunate to be born privileged and never for once take that for granted. So from my position I understood the expectation of performing act of charity but I will rather give a beggar $1000 than give a girl $100 to fix her hair especially when I know she couldn't afford it. That is how status works, a millionaire is willing to give another millionaire an expensive gift he knows they both could afford than give someone who can't. So the very few times I dated broke girls I couldn't get myself to spend, it felt like I was doing something wrong, being scammed. The girls themselves made it obvious because poverty has no hiding place. I noticed while a girl of similar status would demand I spend money on experiences, like watching a movie together, broke girls demanded material things that would benefit me in no way, like buy a new phone. More like bad investment.
I know not all girls are like that...I know, but their number is not significant to those that are broke and stupid at the same time. I see them and I cringe. Have I ever mentioned one that came to my house and said it was my friend's house which I had 'rented' it to woo her (Probably I'll write about that, A Poor Girl's Poverty Mentality). That was the last time I saw her...
Even if my relationship with a rich girl doesn't work out, I am satisfied. Compare the financial implications of (Michael Jackson/Lisa-Marie Presley split, or Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston) divorce to (Mike Tyson/Robin Givens and Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce). The later that didn't marry wives of similar financial status paid heavily for it.

I 'Just' Lost it Last Month

"I just lost it last month," she said. Was she expecting that statement wouldn’t make her look a slut after fucking a guy she had always told she was a virgin? I mean, this chic had been claiming virgin she might as well tattoo it on her forehead, V-I-R-G-I-N, 'cause she acted/talked/looked...damn! She even kissed like one. So blah! blah! blah! After all said and done she decided she was 'ready' only for it to be revealed she wasn't a virgin. Then she said, "I just lost it that month". Ok, if that was to 'just'ify she had been sexually active for a short while and might as well be regarded a virgin she definitely chose a bad start for her career. [At least] two guys within few weeks, the other guy was the one she supposedly lost it to. Even if it was true, considering what she endured during the last round of hot marathon sex, the third guy would never believe she had played for only two teams.

Girls, PLEASE, there is no need to add insult to it and lie you haven't fucked. The fact that you are fucking discreetly says a lot already and don't try to be honourable about it. Don’t say shit like “I only have sex with my boyfriend”, “I don’t have sex within a year of dating”, or “I've decided to stop having sex because it messes up relationships”. With that said, "Fuck your guts for uttering those words, BITCH!"