This is for 2014 by Adesina Ademola

This is for 2014 b

2013 just passed. Big fucking deal. 

NB: This is said with a hint of sarcasm and buckets of nonchalance.

Why?

Well, it’s for a number of reasons really.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am more than grateful that I have made it into the New Year. Actually, I probably have more to be thankful for than most people. But then again, I am rarely ever satisfied with anything. Call it the human condition, my human condition.

I have come away from 2013 with quite a few lessons and a few close shaves. I have been scared stiff (you’ll get the pun later) into thinking I was about to become a father at the tender age of 26 (don’t smirk; young men take that shit very seriously nowadays. The respective costs of Pampers/Huggies/Dr. Brown’s, Cerelac/SMA Gold put the fear of God into our respective wieners whenever we want to kpansh!). But then again, maybe when I am a rich and successful guy (God willing), some child will come and tell me that my indiscretions in Ipinle Omoluabi have come to haunt me. Watch this space!

I have learned that there really is no end to the capacity of the human animal (read as “being” for those of you with delicate sensibilities) to love as many people as possible all at once. Please do not read as promiscuity. It insults all promiscuous people.

I have learned that misery and despair can eat away at you. That it really is important to find the silver lining in all the clouds that cast your thoughts. You owe it to yourself!

I have failed at my (many) attempts to try and make everything I am involved in better. This one is actually very hilarious because while I am thinking “why can’t we try it like this because it would be so much better?” the other party is like ‘Give it a rest already you fucking know-it-all.” Come to think of it, it actually feels kind of pathetic because people will just be looking at you like “What is wrong with this one sef?”

Biggest lesson learned from 2013 - how not to be a horrible boss, shitty thinker, and incompetent leader. The amount of meaningless “strategy sessions”, half-assed decisions, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey activities that I have witnessed in Nigerian companies the past year alone has served the single purpose of helping me understand the need to listen to as many people as possible when making decisions that will affect more than just me. To be fair, a lot of the people I am aiming this one at have their hearts in the right place. But goddamit, your heads need to be calibrated a few notches above normal – that’s why you are expected to lead the company. But then again, maybe na me no just sabi life!

 Just read the last paragraph as “I’ve learned how not to be a horrible boss” and “I’ve learned how not to make earth-shattering stupid decisions, especially when the scenario involves more than me and my beautiful ego”.

And to the ass-kissing, apple-polishing shoe-shiners of the world (nothing against the shoe-shiner plying his trade in your hood, some of them are actually very nice guys), I’ve reinforced my life’s creed of not being one of your elite club. Yes, you will get ahead, nothing wrong with that. But please be rest assured, the word honor still means something to some of us. This may not make a lot of sense at the moment (even me sef dey doubt the sense behind this paragraph), but then again, not a lot of things in this world do. It’s just a thing of your world view.

NB2: The rest of what you are about to read might not make much sense, so I apologize in advance.

In a quick rundown, other things I’ve learned are:

1.       Detach your ego from work. It will hurt less that way.

2.       No need to get political. Leave that for people who don’t know their shit

3.       Be happy going for the best alone. The world will (hopefully) catch up later. And if they don’t, well, you might get fired for not being a team-player

4.       Be nice to others. But be a fucking drill sergeant from hell on yourself. You’ll thank yourself when you consistently deliver beyond everyone’s expectations.

5.       Enjoy poetry.

6.       Take walks by calm watersides (Bar beach doesn’t count). The spirit of calm can reach you there.

7.       Love.

I apologize for everything else that I have not written here. It is either my subconscious being selfish or I don’t know as much shit as I think I do. We’ll let the universe decide.

Have a blessed 2014.

 

@adesina_ademola

 

Antithesis

Never had a guest writer but I'm glad with this being the first. Adesina Ademola author of the blog www.adesina-ademola.blogspot.com

If you like my posts then you'll like his, and if you hate mine...you will definitely LOVE his.

Antithesis

Disclaimer: there is a certain degree of self-awareness you must have to understand the concept painted in this piece. Also, there is a need for you to NOT be judgmental, NOT sermonize me with your responses, and NOT believe you have earned the right to relate with my parallels. All I’m asking for is your God-given ability to internalize the concept without personalizing the events. As such, if you don’t understand, I’ll understand – because this was written on glucose high!

Anti-Thesis - A person or thing that is the direct opposite of someone or something else.

A large part of my life has been spent in the pursuit of self-definition. That which a lot of people like to term “self-discovery”. While this is a noble feat in its own right, I’m afraid of what I always find at the termination of a phase (yes, self-discovery is phased – don’t act like you didn’t know). I always come to the same freaking conclusion – I am an antithesis (Google the word if you have no idea what it means)

In secondary school mathematics, SS2/3 to be exact, we go through a phase of finding the subject of a formula. I’ll be honest now; I never liked mathematics in school (secondary school + tertiary schools – yes, I attended more than one tertiary school, getting degrees in them and as such I am over-educated – sue me). The opening statement of this paragraph is to draw a parallel between finding the subject of the formula and the process of self-discovery. You are expecting to get pretty much the same equation for the subject (yourself), and match it to the formula (your life) – these are two mutually exclusive but oddly dependent constructs upon which your being is based (don’t ask me to define as well). Back to it, I am an anti-thesis. The very word anti basically means negation, non, not etc. Perhaps the simplest way to put it will be I am the embodiment of the extremes of virtually all spectra of human emotions and actions (trust me; it is the simplest way to put it!!!!).

Scenarios:

1.      I am all for marital bliss and stability and fidelity and honesty and trust and all that good stuff that we lie through our teeth (if the devil came for people shortly before they bedded a girl ehn – boys dey go hell fire like no man’s business). But I am a jaded, cynical non-conformist who has absolutely no faith in the institution of marriage whatsoever.

2.      I’m all for being in a single relationship. I love my girlfriend, and I tell my friends to marry the girls they are with (if they feel they will make it o – I am NOT responsible for the decisions you make). I can counsel the life out of you on the joys of a single relationship. But, I have not found the gall to stay in a monogamous relationship since the age of 18 (monogamous reads I am seriously flirting and most likely unconsciously leading someone on)

3.      I like to tell people to work hard. I like to believe I have a strong work ethic, and that it helps me push through the days. But, I also like to tell people to enjoy themselves, drink, make love, make merry. You will still get away with it. And I do both very comfortably *evil grin here*

4.      I love the concept of family, I live it. But every now and then, I find the thought of solitude rather comforting. Solitude being me alone, by myself etc. But I am shit scared of being lonely.

5.      I can talk about religion, faith, spirituality etc. Was raised a Christian (still am one), but for reasons I have stopped trying to give, I loathe the current religious set-up in the country, hate their MO even more (salvation and prosperity vs. my personal fave – spiritual growth)

The scenarios are endless (I swear I’ve lost count of the times I’ve said something and done the exact opposite), which brings me to the realization of a few chilling potential explanations:

·         I am a hypocrite (I know people that don’t like me will agree to this one – tough luck, even I don’t buy this one. I’m as real as they come);

·         I am crazy!! (certain people have used this one – I occasionally believe them. Heck, this one amuses me!)

·         I am incapable of taking my own advice, but perfectly capable of giving working solutions to other people’s issues. – This one is the height of irony/paradox/whatever qualifies the phenomenon

These three explanations all boil down to a flaw I am most willing to accept in myself. I have discovered who I am (at least I tell myself I have) - and that is someone who is capable of living on both sides of the spectrum, and still find the time to be in-between. Essentially, I am an antithesis of everything I stand for, a model for what everyone could be, but never becomes. As such, I am a very reliable unstable person with a shockingly low tolerance for people’s BS!!

Now, before you get the impression that I am full of myself (surprisingly ehn, I get this one so much that I beg God for it not to be true, and then again, I say it is the work of my haters. So what if I am, whose business is it *mscheww*), I’m just saying stop, and think about it for a second. What kind of person are you? I’ve used every formula there is, and I’ve come up with the same answer every year for the last 6 years.

So there it is! Antithesis!!! And don’t worry, you might find that you are one too. It’s not so bad. Just not very welcome – now you wish you had stopped reading a long time ago, had taken the advice of the disclaimer, hadn’t asked yourself some questions and hadn’t reflected on some events in your life more than you probably needed to. Well, I did warn you, and as such, I am not liable for all the issues you just discovered. I probably just gave future therapists a few more clients. God bless counseling and psychotherapy. All the best!!!


Adesina Ademola