I Need Me a Super Duper Injunction

Read about injunctions and super-injunctions and I still don't know how it was suppose to work. For those of you who have no idea I'll use an example of a footballer who cheated on his wife with a TV star, Imogen Thomas. Let us assume the name of the footballer was Ryan Giggs (for simplicity), he filed for a super injunction making it an offence to have his name published in the media or anywhere else in the UK (except Scotland, I think) for having the affair for privacy sake. The stupid part to me is that everybody knows Ryan Giggs was messing around with Imogen but as long as you were in England you have to pretend you had no idea. Then it was all on twitter and the next action was to arrest the whistle blowers on twitter (make that over 50,000).
The whole super injunction reminds me of hypocrites and fake friends who have opposite ways of behaving in one's presence and absence. When I think about it I don't need a super injunction, I already got one and so do you. What is the point of filing an injunction for you messing up when those close to you won't tell you not to make you feel bad and those not close to you...well, you don't care about what they say.

Buka Pt. 3: This is the final Part

Habits are difficult to stop. Even after being hospitalised for food poisoning I couldn't stop patronising bukas. I told myself, "better luck next time". I became a 'food inspector' whenever I went out to eat, asking all sorts of questions before buying. I had a close call at one buka one day...
Senatorial Elections were supposed to hold on a Saturday 2011 and due to poor planning it was cancelled and rescheduled around midday. A curfew had been imposed for the duration of the election exercise and that also had to be lifted. A lot of these Bukas were confused if they should still open for service or not. A lot that opened suffered the consequences and had enough food that lasted to Monday.
I went to one of those Bukas on that Monday and ordered for fufu with egusi mixed with draw. That woman had mind as she served me fufu that was brown in colour. Before I could say a word she said, "Na today own". I proved her that I had been a buka patron from infant and analysed why the meal was days old- from the fufu to the softness of the beef. The men I met there stopped eating and had their eyes on the woman. She couldn't deny it any longer and began to apologise. I felt like a buka hero that day.
With all my ups and downs with bukas I felt what could possibly go wrong? I found out a month later, appendicitis. As I was being wheeled to surgery my mind flashed to the various bukas I had been to. Some get addicted to alcohol, mine was only buka and I had to go through all these. The doctor said it was about to rupture in 3 different places. All these experiences gave me an idea, open my food poisoning-appendicitis free Buka. Maybe that was my calling.

Buka Pt. 2: N5,000 for N150

I discovered a Calabar Kitchen in my area. To be honest the girls there were the only thing Calabar about the buka, the food was so so. I guessed since I preferred the taste of buka meals dating a Calabar girl that worked in one would be the 'perfect match'. I normally don't do area p but the idea of maybe, just maybe, eating free food would be great. There was one major problem, their food didn't make sense notwithstanding time of day or night. There was a time I thought stones were part of the ingredients. I found difficulty eating but as my eyes caught the Calabar girl I smiled cause I knew I was making progress in establishing our 'relationship'.
The food never felt well in my system and every time I left there I would branch to a pharmacy and buy capsules of tetracycline and flagyl for the stomach ache I anticipated. Not all relationships were perfect anyway. One night the ache began and I had no capsule left, I was in serious pain and all I could do was blame myself for eating badly prepared food. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital being treated for food poisoning. A nurse gave me the medical bill, N5,000 for eating a N150 food. I pitied myself and told myself no buka for me again...who was I kidding?

Buka Pt. 1: N50 rice, N30 Beans, N40 Plaintain, 2 Pomo and 3 beef

If I am to make a guess I'll say over 90 percent of my meals were eaten in fast food joints or Bukas. Name anyone in Lagos, I know them all. Iya Rose, Iya Bola, Iya Segun, Mama Pato, Iya Rose Powerline, Calabar Kitchen, HomeMade, Sharp Corner, Mama Saudi, Mama Paul, Elewa Ghanyin...the list is endless. If you ask anyone paranoid about eating outside their homes they would obviously list dangers associated with this habit. But I have to admit it was a very good/bad habit to stop. There was this satisfying feeling knowing whenever you wake up or whenever you were hungry there was a nice plate waiting for you someone as long as you could afford it. Which wife or husband could go through the stress of preparing Rice for you early Monday money and fry plaintain as well. In short, which loving wife can you tell you want N50 rice, N30 Beans, N40 Plaintain, 2 Pomo and 3 beef for breakfast. It saves cooking time and washing plates which I detest.
I asked myself if I was ever going to stop If I ever got married and I doubt it. I realised no matter how much a girl cooked for me I still craved for the buka taste. The difference is clear just like Jollof rice cooked with fire wood and those with a cooking gas. I've made up my mind, Buka food na d main thing. Until...

Congratulations

I had a dream my ex got married. It felt so real that I had no idea when I was awake. My heart felt heavy and I had to question why I was in that state. It was over, maybe, who knows? I had to rationalise and fast...I didn't want to have to sing 'Congratulations' if still had feelings for her and my dream was a premonition of what was about to happen soon. 'Congratulations' by Blue October was in my all time 'love' songs about a guy that finally expressed his feelings to a girl on her wedding day and gave her his 'heart' as a gift.

I asked myself if the relationship was indeed over by replaying in my head the reason for break-up but the disc of my memory was bad. I couldn't blame it, I remember I put in effort to bury her deep in my unconscious. I couldn't remember anything specific.

Another question was, shouldn't I be happy for her? After all she was getting married (if she was). I guess I'll find out sooner than latter. I however believe it was because it appeared in my dream that was making me give it that much attention. After all it was all a dream. Few days ago I told a girl to listen to the song 'Congratulations' to make her feel better. Now I have it on repeat. Decided to include the lyrics.

'Congratulations' by Blue October ft. Imogen Heap
Is that seat taken?

Congratulations
Would you like to take a walk with me?
My mind it kind of goes fast
I'll try to slow it down for you
I think I'd love to take a drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
My heart can't take this cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu

I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. Him.
My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've wanted to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
My heart
My heart can't take this cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
And I can't change this
I can never take it back
But now I can't change your mind
(You left me.. hu hu hu hu)
And I can't take this
I can never take this back
But now I can't change your mind
Can't change your mind
(You left me.. hu hu hu hu)
Can't change you mind
(You left me.. hu hu hu hu)
(You left me.. hu hu hu hu)
(You left me.. hu hu hu hu)
(You left me.. hu hu hu hu)
Just make it go away
Make it go away
Please.

Thanks, to ALL My Childhood Haters

I remember when I was young and had a fight with any of my peers. Even with the venom in my tongue I knew the worst I could do was probably not allow them copy my homework. Then again, by the time we were to meet again I would have forgotten. I grew up feeling I was lucky to have that kind of life especially friends/haters I could fight with anytime I liked and still not watch my back.

Two events within these past few weeks touched me and made me feel ever so lucky for my haters. One was the story of two friends Haylee Fentress and Paige Moravetz both 14 years old. These girls were exposed to the first group of hatters in school, bullies. It was reported these girls were being bullied in school and Halyee got expelled for defending her friend. While that might be regarded as an act of friendship (standing up for someone), what happened next took it to a new height. These two girls made a suicide pact and killed themselves during a sleep over.

The second event was about a 15-year-old boy Seath Tyler Jackson. Michael Bargo, 18 year-old, was dating Seath's ex-girlfriend, Amber Wright (aged 15 years), and had gotten into a fight with him several weeks earlier. Five of his friends were gathered at a house on a Sunday when Michael Bargo began to speak of his hatred for Seath. The conversation then turned into a plan to lure Seath to the house so that Michael could kill him with their assistance. Seath was lured to the house by a text message from Amber saying she wanted to
rekindle their romance and that they should meet. Seath arrived at the location and after being hit on the head Michael shot him several times with a .22-caliber revolver. When Seath tried to escape, another friend Justin Soto, 20, held him down while Michael continued to shoot him. Then Michael broke Seath's knees and the others hog-tied him and put his body in a sleeping bag, which was placed in a fire pit in the back yard and burned. The friends used bleach to clean the house and shoveled Jackson's remains into 5-gallon paint cans and dumped them in a lime rock pit.

After reading these two events I couldn't help but thank my 'haters' both in primary and secondary school for not pushing me that far to kill myself and most especially themselves for not killing me.

The Service

One question I ask myself but never found a satisfying answer was, does everything happen for a reason OR do we find a reason to explain everything that happens? Most times if not every time we do not know. Psychologist say we rationalise when such events with no clear reason happen, Christians find comfort in saying "God works in mysterious ways". Like the piece I did on "Faith versus Wishful Thinking", we can't know the difference until the period had elapsed and we retrospect.

March 2011, a new service year was suppose to begin for tertiary institutions graduates in Nigeria under the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) scheme. "Every graduate [corp member] was posted to a state far from their city of origin. They were expected to mix with people of other tribes, social and family backgrounds, to learn the culture of the indigenes in the place they were posted to. This action [was] aimed to bring about unity in the country and to help youths appreciate other ethnic groups." There were three batches in a year to accommodate the high number of graduates. Due to 'factors' no one clearly understood, students of the University of Lagos, UNILAG, were left out of the first batch that March. Exclusion from the Batch meant they had to find whatever to keep themselves busy till the next batch B in July. Obviously the majority, again if not everyone, were not ok with the situation. No NYSC certificate meant no job with 'real' pay. It was made worse by the fact that the institution provided no explanation/apology since they were supposed to submit names of students eligible for the service.

Few weeks later in April, the Independent National Electoral Commission, INEC, decided to use corps members as electoral officials for the country's elections. As expected violence were recorded with these fresh graduates being the most affected especially in the northern part of the country. There were cases where corpers were either killed or their arms amputated. That left fresh graduates of UNILAG saying..."that could have been us". What they couldn't explain and initially saw as a burden was now a blessing in disguise. Their absence from service prevented them from being exposed to such violence.

So did everything happen to them for that reason or they just have to use that for a reason for what happened? Like Kanye West once said in situations like these, "We will never know". My condolence however goes out to the families of those that had been affected by the lapses in our electoral process. Maybe there was a bigger reason for these events...the NYSC programme might as well be cancelled.