Grammy of the [year]

The 54th Grammy Awards is on this weekend and I've decided to present my own awards using the actual nominated artistes in their categories. This wasn't an attempt to predict the winners but these were my prefered winners. In my Awards, I don't see anyone carting away more than 3 awards. The biggest winners were Adele and Nicki. And a lot of first timers, Mumforn and Sons, Foster the People, Robyn, Femi Kuti...Rick Ross.


Record of the year - "The Cave" by Mumford and Sons

Album of the year - "21" by Adele

Song of the Year - "All of the Lights" by Kanye West

Best New Artist - Nicki Minaj

Best Pop Solo Performance - "Someone Like You" by Adele

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance - "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera

Best Pop Vocal Album - "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga

Best Dance/Electronica Album - "Body Talk pt. 3" by Robyn

Best Rock Performance - "The Cave" by Mumford and Sons

Best Rock Song - "Everytear is a Waterfall" by Coldplay

Best Rock Album - "Come Around Sundown" by Kings of Leon

Best Alternative Music Album - "Torches" by Foster the People

Best Rap Performance - "The Show Goes On" by Lupe Fiasco

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration - "I'm on One" by DJ Khaled ft. Drake, Rick Ross and Lil' Wayne

Best Rap Song - "All of the Lights" by Kanye West

Best Rap Album - "Pink Friday" by Nicki Minaj

Best Country Duo/Group Performance - "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not" by Thompson Square

Best Country Song - "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not" by Thompson Square

Producer of the Year, Non-Classical - Ryan Tedder

Best World Music Album - "Africa for Africa" by Femi Kuti

Antithesis

Never had a guest writer but I'm glad with this being the first. Adesina Ademola author of the blog www.adesina-ademola.blogspot.com

If you like my posts then you'll like his, and if you hate mine...you will definitely LOVE his.

Antithesis

Disclaimer: there is a certain degree of self-awareness you must have to understand the concept painted in this piece. Also, there is a need for you to NOT be judgmental, NOT sermonize me with your responses, and NOT believe you have earned the right to relate with my parallels. All I’m asking for is your God-given ability to internalize the concept without personalizing the events. As such, if you don’t understand, I’ll understand – because this was written on glucose high!

Anti-Thesis - A person or thing that is the direct opposite of someone or something else.

A large part of my life has been spent in the pursuit of self-definition. That which a lot of people like to term “self-discovery”. While this is a noble feat in its own right, I’m afraid of what I always find at the termination of a phase (yes, self-discovery is phased – don’t act like you didn’t know). I always come to the same freaking conclusion – I am an antithesis (Google the word if you have no idea what it means)

In secondary school mathematics, SS2/3 to be exact, we go through a phase of finding the subject of a formula. I’ll be honest now; I never liked mathematics in school (secondary school + tertiary schools – yes, I attended more than one tertiary school, getting degrees in them and as such I am over-educated – sue me). The opening statement of this paragraph is to draw a parallel between finding the subject of the formula and the process of self-discovery. You are expecting to get pretty much the same equation for the subject (yourself), and match it to the formula (your life) – these are two mutually exclusive but oddly dependent constructs upon which your being is based (don’t ask me to define as well). Back to it, I am an anti-thesis. The very word anti basically means negation, non, not etc. Perhaps the simplest way to put it will be I am the embodiment of the extremes of virtually all spectra of human emotions and actions (trust me; it is the simplest way to put it!!!!).

Scenarios:

1.      I am all for marital bliss and stability and fidelity and honesty and trust and all that good stuff that we lie through our teeth (if the devil came for people shortly before they bedded a girl ehn – boys dey go hell fire like no man’s business). But I am a jaded, cynical non-conformist who has absolutely no faith in the institution of marriage whatsoever.

2.      I’m all for being in a single relationship. I love my girlfriend, and I tell my friends to marry the girls they are with (if they feel they will make it o – I am NOT responsible for the decisions you make). I can counsel the life out of you on the joys of a single relationship. But, I have not found the gall to stay in a monogamous relationship since the age of 18 (monogamous reads I am seriously flirting and most likely unconsciously leading someone on)

3.      I like to tell people to work hard. I like to believe I have a strong work ethic, and that it helps me push through the days. But, I also like to tell people to enjoy themselves, drink, make love, make merry. You will still get away with it. And I do both very comfortably *evil grin here*

4.      I love the concept of family, I live it. But every now and then, I find the thought of solitude rather comforting. Solitude being me alone, by myself etc. But I am shit scared of being lonely.

5.      I can talk about religion, faith, spirituality etc. Was raised a Christian (still am one), but for reasons I have stopped trying to give, I loathe the current religious set-up in the country, hate their MO even more (salvation and prosperity vs. my personal fave – spiritual growth)

The scenarios are endless (I swear I’ve lost count of the times I’ve said something and done the exact opposite), which brings me to the realization of a few chilling potential explanations:

·         I am a hypocrite (I know people that don’t like me will agree to this one – tough luck, even I don’t buy this one. I’m as real as they come);

·         I am crazy!! (certain people have used this one – I occasionally believe them. Heck, this one amuses me!)

·         I am incapable of taking my own advice, but perfectly capable of giving working solutions to other people’s issues. – This one is the height of irony/paradox/whatever qualifies the phenomenon

These three explanations all boil down to a flaw I am most willing to accept in myself. I have discovered who I am (at least I tell myself I have) - and that is someone who is capable of living on both sides of the spectrum, and still find the time to be in-between. Essentially, I am an antithesis of everything I stand for, a model for what everyone could be, but never becomes. As such, I am a very reliable unstable person with a shockingly low tolerance for people’s BS!!

Now, before you get the impression that I am full of myself (surprisingly ehn, I get this one so much that I beg God for it not to be true, and then again, I say it is the work of my haters. So what if I am, whose business is it *mscheww*), I’m just saying stop, and think about it for a second. What kind of person are you? I’ve used every formula there is, and I’ve come up with the same answer every year for the last 6 years.

So there it is! Antithesis!!! And don’t worry, you might find that you are one too. It’s not so bad. Just not very welcome – now you wish you had stopped reading a long time ago, had taken the advice of the disclaimer, hadn’t asked yourself some questions and hadn’t reflected on some events in your life more than you probably needed to. Well, I did warn you, and as such, I am not liable for all the issues you just discovered. I probably just gave future therapists a few more clients. God bless counseling and psychotherapy. All the best!!!


Adesina Ademola

Blackberry Porsche: An Expensive Phone for the Working Class

There was this Blackberry craze in Nigeria that didn't make the reaction to the Blackberry Porsche smartphone come as a surprise. Everyone (that couldn't afford it) had something to say about it. Like this message I got...
16 REASONS WHY U MUST OWN A BLACKBERRY PORSCHE(N450,000):
•If u hold it, U can't go hungry.
•If misplaced, it will automatically find its way back 2ur pocket.
•If an ugly person sends U a request, d request wil hang.
•U can connect d bluetooth to phcn software to generate electricity.
•It can be used as a bomb detector.(Ah,boko haram ar in troubl)
•It auto corrects Ur grammatical error (gbagaun).
•it can serve as ATM machine(only if u knw how to). •U don't have 2 pay BIS,it pings via satellite.
•It vibrates if someone is tellin lies...(4real).
•It can tell d real father of a child.
•It can detect if Ur boyfriend/girlfriend is wayward. •It is accepted as dowry.
•It can upgrade Ur GPA if U are a student.
•It can prevent unwanted pregnancy, just put it on condom mode.
•It can make Arsenal win a trophy this season and can still make Torres the highest goal scorer this season.
•It can detect which member of ur family dat posesses witchcraft. (dats goods. all witches n wizards ar in soup).
It can easily record ur dreams n replay(just read the manual)
...all because it had a price tag of almost $2,500 ONLY. Like it was that expensive. One thing I did notice was the people (especially females) desperate to get it (by that I mean force a guy) believed it would give them prestige. Like the phone was the Bentley of cell phones. I've met females who were ignorant of 95 percent of their Blackberry functions, yet they wanted this phone to impress friends they don't like.
I believe any individual must be stupid believing getting this phone meant they were rich or something, like it would boost their social status. My advice, get any of the phones listed below. Buy a phone that could pay for tuition OR buy a house and not a plane ticket.
- MOTOROLA V220 SPECIAL EDITION: $51,800
- VERTU DIAMOND: $88,000
- IPHONE PRINCESS PLUS: $176,400
- VIPN BLACK DIAMOND SMARTPHONE: $300,000
- VERTU SIGNATURE COBRA: $310,000 (pic above, I love this)
- DIAMOND CRYPTO SMARTPHONE: $1.3 MILLION
- GOLDVISH LE MILLION: $1.3 MILLION
- GOLDSTRIKER IPHONE 3GS SUPREME: $3.2 MILLION

You Are Only a Girlfriend, Don't get Carried Away With The Title: The Definition

While Urban Dictionary defines Girlfriend as (n.) the one human female which holds certain super-human abilities such as: mind control, mood swings, playing tired, breaking the bank, and unlimited talking, I define "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" has the person you have chosen and socially accepted to have sex with without being called names. Yea, some people would say does a relationship always have to be about sex, well, if you aren't a virgin you are not supposed to have this view. Anyway, my focus is unrealistic expectation girlfriends have in a relationship, for some reasons (known only to them) they see themselves as top priority. You know a girl for few weeks, tag her as girlfriend, and she wants your world to evolve around her.
A lot of females have called me a kid on this issue, saying I ain't ready for a relationship. That if I wanted to commit I should be able to put the babe first all the time, but that's bullshit. We all are like football Managers with people in our lives the players. If a player wasn't performing well, regardless of the amount spent on the player, you sub him and place him on the bench until he picks up. In other words, no one had a permanent starting eleven position. The importance was to motivate them, to always put in their best. I see most girlfriends, even those of my friends believing they had a permanent starting spot, all because they were tagged "girlfriend". They demand too much of what they don't deserve and when you ask why such demand, the answer would be, "Because I'm your girlfriend/ boyfriend". My response in such situation was, "You are only a girlfriend, don't get carried away with the title".
The reason girlfriends act like such wasn't because they were selfish, it was because of a "loop hole" in word definition and reality. Most people relate to objects and people according to the definition given to them. For example, if you visit someone for the first time, you feel sleepy and the person suggest you sleep in her/his bed. From the word "bed" you think it would be something soft and comfortable. You get to the room only to find out it was entirely made of concrete. You are likely to challenge the person it wasn't a bed and at that moment the only point you have to make your defence was your DEFINITION of what a bed was. Back to girlfriends and boyfriends. Most people have a definition of what they should be, caring, loving, supporting blah blah blah, but in reality are they? When you acknowledge an individual was your gf/bf, you automatically give them the qualities and expectations you have for them according to your definition.
This definition was based on experiences (personal, friends, or TV) and to be honest, I doubt anyone would fully fit your definition because most people have unrealistic expectations in their definition. So because you were the girlfriend the guy wants you to be willing to have sex everytime, give him privacy...which might not be in your own definition as a girlfriend. Same with guys, the girlfriend might define you with the qualities you would define a father.
I believe in having realistic definition and that has nothing to do with the title you give the person but one unique of the individual. This was something I developed in Primary school after realising teachers weren't always right (that obviously changed my definition of a teacher). If you are lucky to date me, don't say you should do this and that because you are this. Don't say i should tell me my secrets because you are a girlfriend. And definitely don't think I will make you the one and only in my life, because I had friends that had been there before you and I have more qualities to define them than you. Once again, you are only a girlfriend, don't get carried away with your title.

All This and Heaven

  

For those who don't know, I'm a great lover of music. My ipod is my wife, five years, we are still waxing strong. Songs I hear have contributed to the way I interprete the experiences I've had. Lately, one track have been ringing in my head, "All This and Heaven" by Florence and The Machine from their album "Ceremonials". You just have to hear it if you haven't and I've included the lyrics below...what a poem about how "the heart is hard to translate".

Florence and The Machine/ "All This and Heaven"

And the heart is hard to translate
it has a language of its own
it talks in tongues and quiet sighs
and prayers and proclamations

in the grandest of great men
in the smallest of gestures
in short shallow gasps

but with all my education
I can't seem to command it
and the words are all escaping
coming back all damaged
and I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how
I can't seem to understand it

I would give all this and heaven too
I would give it all if only for a moment
that I could just understand
the meaning of the word you see
cause I've been scrawling it forever
but it never make sense to me at all

And it talks to me, it tiptoes
and it sings to me inside
it cries out in the darkest night
it breaks in the morning light

but with all my education
I can't seem to command it
and the words are all escaping
coming back all damaged
and I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how
I can't seem to understand it and

I would give all this and heaven too
I would give it all if only for a moment
that I could just understand
the meaning of the word you see
cause I've been scrawling it forever
but it never make sense to me at all

poor language it doesn't deserve such treatment
and all my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling
oh this heaven, never could describe such a feeling as I knew it

words were never so useful
so I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before

Bitch You Are Selfish

WARNING: If you aren't cool with profanity, don't read this. Thank you and f*ck you was you close this page.
I won't describe myself as someone who is addicted to the drug, Pussy. Yea, I probably sniff it when I eat it atimes but that doesn't mean I'm one hundred percent into it. By the way, the sniffing was for hygienic purpose. If it should smell bad then it had bacteria and that's STD (potential). Back to Pussy, I know guys who would do/say anything just to get to a girl's pussy and as long as they got it, they tolerated the babe's bullshit. Well, that's bullshit. I had a chic that I'm sure would f*ck me in my grave if my dick was erect...come rain, sunshine....the girl was a boy scout (always prepared). Always so willing to give. But, Ade had to let her go. Not because I was tired of the pussy, the girl was always rebranding. I had to let her go because she was selfish.
Yea, girls are selfish. (Any) was one of 'em, this was second. At first this babe was making me travel from Gbagada to Iyana Ipaja to see her. I had no idea her side existed but I went, not because of the pussy, I just wanted the experience. Even when she came to my place, she would want me to "walk" her to Oshodi, which was half the journey.
She was also sefish when if came to sex (sic). You might f*ck this babe 10 rounds, as long as you used a condom you never go one round. She would demand her own "first round" without a condom. I was confused at first, like, I just played full 90 minutes, extra time, PK, and this babe was disregarding my performance that I should start again. Yea, she would begged and say, "I can't believe I'm begging you to f*ck without condom, most guys would jump at the opportunity". Well, considering the state the world was in I wouldn't jump into any pussy dick first.
She also displayed her selfishness after I had an appendectomy. Few days afer the stitches were removed I still had to regularly dress where the incision was made...it was still painful but I survived. This babe came over and said she wanted to f*ck. I was like "f*ck, I was under the knife 2 weeks ago" she consoled my manhood by saying, "don't worry it would still stand". For the past few days I had been feeding on Lucozade because I couldn't take anything solid, and this babe wanted to literally suck the life out of me. I know I'm endowed but this chic wanted to expoilt me.
Well, she had to top that and she tried during the Occupy Nigeria period. After days of strike I was down to my last N2,015, when Cash in hand equals Cash at Bank. This babe came over, opened my wallet and took N2,000 leaving the N15 for me to buy biscuit? She had the balls to tell me she didn't have change but would give me N500 out of my money (which she didn't). It wasn't about the amount, N2000 was nothing. But realising if I was down to my last, this babe felt she deserved 99 percent of it. It just proved she was selfish sexually and finacially and you don't want to mess with a chic into sex and money.
Mehn, I just have to console myself with Drake's "Trust Issues".

Tito

I was on my way home from work when I was approached by a guy in my area. He was familiar, as in, we never conversed except the occassional "Chairman, how far?" and I keep walking. This time the conversation lasted longer with him telling me about me (sic). That I was cool and all, you know (things I knew), just diligently maintaining my own lane. Like he was going to honour me with an award he told me about a girl Tito (actual nickname) and how she was the perfect girl for me. How we would compliment each other with all those ish. I have to admit this was a new height, I have had girls hit on me, drop lines, to get my number but not a guy do it for a girl I had no idea existed. He gave me her number and told me I should buzz her the next day, by then he would have talked to her about me. Imagine, even the girl had no idea I existed.
I called her (finally) and by the time I hung up I had one impression of her, the girl was rude which I included in a text message to her, why I wouldn't call her again. You don't have to insult anyone undeservingly to be regarded rude, I'm able to know if the person was close to the border. Since I don't want 99 problems and a bitch to be one, I closed that chapter after the phone call, Tito had to park well. Few hours later, she called to tell me she was in my area, supposedly to see her aunt, and wanted to see me. This girl was getting rude and relentless.
I met her, and what I can say about her physical appearance was "she looked aiit", not a striking feature, just aiit. Apparently the guy told her I wanted to date her and she came to know what I "saw" in her to ask her out. I wasn't a cassanova but I was hardly single. There were always beautiful faces around me and this girl definitely had no idea who I was to think I'll go to that (short) lenght to get her. My relationship status was similar to Jose Mourihno's managerial jobs. I might be in a relationship without the potential to last and the girlfriend(s) would keep making threats to "sack" me BUT by the time I'm single offers come immediately. Even those that ex me table new contract. I played along with the notion the babe had.
This babe told me there was 3 conditions I had to fuifil to qualify as her boyfriend. First, I had to be caring. Second, I had to be capable to provide her needs. Third, I had to...(Damn! Forgotten). Well, we had to discuss each one. I asked her to tell me the first condition again and she replied that I must be capable (I thought that was the second, anyway). Capable in what sense? This babe said I must be able to provide her needs like buy phones, clothes...all those material things. I had to ask, "what about your parents, are they dead?" This babe made a (stupid) point, "What would be the use of a boyfriend, if he can't take care of me. My parents pay my school fees and feed me, I can't ask them for everything." I told her, "apparently your parents do the most important things in your life." She said her ex boyfriends use to buy stuffs for her like phones and I told her they had to be Yahoo Guys. She couldn't defend that, Yahoo guys (temporarily) spoil business for we non-Yahoo guys, spending stupidly on stupid girls making them see that as a norm. I told her I wasn't an IT guy and I refuse to buy a phone for a girl because...then I realised she was using a Nokia 2100, those Made for Africa phones with torchlights. "Which boyfriend bought this for you because I can do better by giving you one of my phones?"
At that point she had to leave, I had enough of juvy yarns for a day. I talked to her about changing her mentality. It would take nothing to lie just to f*ck her and breakup after. She would ask why, and I'll let her know I've realised I couldn't meet up to her needs and decided to terminate the contract.
I met the guy that gave me her number two days later. I thanked him for introducing me to the type of girls I felt I left behind in the Univeristy (for good reasons). He reacted when I mentioned the phone issue and he cleared me. Getting a Blackberry had always been the girl's dream. Her ex-boyfriend/fuck mate/fulltime IT guy, got a Blackberry 9800 (White) for her once and collected it back when they fought/brokeup/stopped fucking. That really traumatised her (not the end of the relationship though but the phone). She had been trying to get back that phone but she was broke (not only financially but mentally). Another guy she met promised to get her the phone just to f*ck her. She would come to his place and talk about the phone from am to pm, she was even specific, the white one with a silver lining. The guy told her he had ordered it online and would get to Nigeria in 2 weeks. For the next 2 weeks he fucked her like her pussy was about to expire. The two weeks elapsed and he came with another format that it was stuck with customs. When he got fed up he ended the "relationship". Who would have guessed this girl won't learn. She still brought up the get me a phone ish whenever she met a guy.
The guy called the girl that she messed up with me. He later told me the girl had changed and to prove it she would f*ck me when/if next I see her. I had to pass on that offer. I'm allergic to broke girls and cheap pussy, not to mention a broke girl with a cheap pussy. Word!