Worthless Kidnapped

Kidnapping is no doubt a current trend. At first it was exclusive to south-south militants but now, every Tom's Dick with Harrys' is abusing the "profession". The first kidnapping gone wrong I watched on the news was a girl that conspired with her boyfriend to get her "kidnapped". They demanded ransome from her parents who were obviously typical Igbo. The ransome was negotiated from fifty million naira to twenty thousand naira. The boyfriend was apprehended during the pickup and confessed.

Growing up I heard a whole lot about kidnapping/kidnappers and it made sense to define...KIDnappers, but now, we have RICHnappers, OLDnappers.
One of the rules of the streets was never to talk to strangers. It also included NOT collecting sweets and other treats that could be used to lure children and get them kidnapped. When an individual got kidnapped, no one expected any demand from the kidnapper. There was usually a ritual-money-making scheme behind each act. But nowadays it seem kidnappers have gone soft. Anyway, not everyone survive from the hands of kidnappers to tell the story. One of the lucky few was a young boy.

I was watching Mini Jojo on AIT then, THEN as in when Ali Baba still had his game show on the station. A young boy was brought on the show looking dirty. He had been kidnapped and freed. The live audience clapped while praising God Almighty. He was asked to explain. He said he was kidnapped with another kid and taken to an isolated area where he wasn't too young to understand the intention of the kidnappers. They were intended for blood money ritual. He was approached by the ritualist who made this statement regarding the boy, "Ori e ko gbabode". Loosely interpreted, using the boy for money making ritual was "bad market" because there was no wealth in his destiny. The live audience were now confused, didn't know how to respond to that. The fact remained he wasn't used and whether it was God working mysteriously or the ritualist was correct.

Mr. Biggs [was] 10, now 25

I remember Mr. Biggs adverts during commercial breaks of the soap "Secrets of the Sand" in the 90s. The lyrics of the jingle included "Mr. Biggs is ten, come share with us, lots of love and excitement..." The fast food restaurant was the sh!t then. That felt like not too long ago. Recently I saw an ad, Mr. Biggs was now 25. 15 years went by just like that. So many things had change since I first heard the jingle, the world and my perception of it included.

I experienced nostalgia just thinking of the jingle. I remember other tv adverts I watched during the show. Supreme ice cream had one and FunTime Coconut chips "great time anytime". My focus isn't on childhood tv ads but on how much time can fly without us noticing and how our experiences were merely bookmarks in our lives which we use to measure how we had grown. As I remember Mr. Biggs jingle of 15 years ago, I also remember my life 15 years ago.

I would be heading to Mr. Biggs this evening because I want to "bookmark" an experience as I walk in. 15 years ago I doubt I could personally afford anything they had for sell behind the counter but today, it was the opposite story. It is definitely something to be grateful for especially being alive. And Congratulations to Mr. Biggs and I'm glad they were part of my childhood.

Couple's Palava

I've witnessed married couples fight countless times and one thing I have noticed is that, like snow flakes they were hardly the same not to mention ending the same. The one that woke me this morning put a smile on my face.

It was a young couple blessed with two beautiful girls. The man was known for his impeccable dress sense. If it were possible this man would put on an Armani suit to swim. He was that self conscious. The wife on the other hand was...ok, at least it was obvious she had a husband taking care of her and not just "the man of the house". I was about to make the transition to being awake when I heard the wife and husband screaming at each other. There was no physical attack but a verbal one that felt more like a question and answer session.

A sentence the wife made summarised the supposed reason for the early morning showdown, "Everytime you'll be telling me you want a male child, is it my fault?"
The husband responded, "Yes! It is your fault."
Wife: How, am I the one doing me [sleeping with me].
Husband: It don't know but I KNOW I am complete.
Wife: Should I sleep with another man for us to confirm that?
Husband: the fact that you have been giving birth to girls is enough.
Wife: what are you insinuating, are you saying your daughters are not yours? Speak up and be straight forward like your penis.
Husband: Don't put words in my mouth, I don't have time for this.
Wife: That is your problem, you don't always have time and when you do there is no time. Do you think it takes less than two minutes to make a boy?
Husband: I work hard because I have to cater for this family.
Wife: you are taking care of girls and you are complaining. I can't even imagine what would happen if you'll have to take care of males?
Husband: when you won't allow me rest...you this nympho.
Wife: are you not ashamed you can't satisfy your wife? Walking stick

At that point that was when the neighbours decided to intervene. I was laughing uncontrollable as I lay in bed. I know from now on I'll see the wife as the "unsatisfied" and the husband as the "one who can't satisfy".

Teenage Pregnancy

"I'm sure she'll make a wonderful mum
and will teach her children discipline like I have."

The statement above appears to have been said by a responsible individual, maybe because the word "discipline" was used. It was made by a mother during an interview with Sun Newspaper (UK) who was nothing short of excited her daughter was pregnant...and the same "discipline" she instilled on her daughter would be passed on. Call me an African but a lot about this mother and daughter is against several norms. First of all, this daughter wasn't married and was being taken care of by her jobless mom. Second, she was impregnated by her 17 years old boyfriend who the mother claimed loved her so much. Lastly, she was 15. Then again, if this was normal in the UK it wouldn't make the news and let me tell you, it happens everywhere.

Despite my liberal views I believe we should be conservative about certain issues, like pregnancy, especially if the individuals involved are not both mentally and financially capable of taking care of the child. Getting pregnant is becoming a trend. A relative of mine got pregnant while in Junior Secondary. She was young and had a small stature and that obviously didn't turn a testosterone filled guy away. My primary school crush crushed the feelings I had when she got pregnant in secondary school. Her level of intellect is now so low I was chatting with her on facebook and thought it was her 5-year-old daughter.

I know a pregnant teenage daughter put the parents in a very tight situation. They sometimes get divided in their stance. It is difficult, I know, but I don't believe their should be any division in loving the child and providing a support. I have witnessed situations where the girl is either kicked out of the house[like my primary school crush] or taken to the village and isolated.

I don't believe teenage pregnant girls were promiscuous because promiscuous girls rarely get pregnant. They have the "how not to get pregnant" in their genes.
I don't have any statistics except observation to back this up. Even in the University, the girls labelled as "promiscuous" didn't get pregnant it was apparently those that preached to them. I also have this belief, most pregnant teenagers deliver girls...is that a way nature wants them to atone for what happened to them?

Lasting Impression: Letter of Apology

One Facebook feature I like is the Notifications, especially of birthdays. For someone like me that was bad with numbers and dates it always comes in useful as a wonderful reminder. I woke up today and as usual I had someone on my friend's list celebrating her birthday today. This was someone I hadn't seen in a loooooong time, probably a decade but I have a lasting memory of her I could never shake off. I even told myself I was going to remind her whenever we met. Even if it was her wedding, I would because it was damn hilarious.

I was in junior class then in secondary school, venue: music room, teacher: Mrs. Bassey. It was one of those practical classes where we each played the flute. I was tone deaf [then] and what I did was to avoid blowing but keep moving my fingers. I totally avoided playing the wrong note because the teacher was an hyperactive woman who was more than capable to disgrace any student. While students kept blowing air with their mouth, someone blew air through the anus. The smell was ghastly...rotten fish/egg...rotten everything. Mrs. Bassey must have considered it an act of terrorism. "Who did that?" She screamed. Everyone remained mute for two reasons. One, no one could say who it was and two, we had to hold our breath to avoid inhaling the deadly substance. That was the end of the class and she threatened to stop teaching us until the culprit revealed himself/herself.

I got to the classroom with my peers confused and scared. We might face the wrath of Mrs. Bassey. I noticed a clique of girls by the side who isolated themselves any spoke in low voices. After that, they disappeared into the music room. In high schools, the only way two people can keep a secret was if the two were dead. It was revealed...the girl that farted had written a letter of apology to Mrs. Bassey. I laughed hard at the girl. From that day on, anytime I saw her or hear her name...I think of her letter of apology for farting or should I say indecent release of harmful body gas. Wish I could write her name here but would probably refer to it when I wish her a happy birthday on her wall.

Never Say "Never Say Never"

I watched an ESPN special on Matt Hoffman, a pro BMX rider, who no doubt accomplished a lot in the sport but what moved me was a target he was determined to accomplish- riding his bike up a ramp and jump 30ft high. He failed several times hurting himself as he crash landed. After a failed attempt he ended up in the hospital...comatose. Matt recovered and never attempted it again...He got over the obsession and as he walked off that ramp I saw he had achieved a feat way higher- the power to know when to stop and walk away.

It is contradictory because we learn not to give up on goals until we accomplish them. But these goals end up being an obsession which we get frustrated as we attempt to accomplish, hurting ourselves in the process. Most times we forget we were the ones that set those goals and can as well change them. True, great men have made impact in this world by their dedication and determination in achieving goals...good, it worked for them. I have to clarify my point, I am not advising anyone to give up on goals after failed attempts, but don't posses the never say never mentality. Don't be consumed by the hunger of getting what you desire and never get fulfilled. Never say "Never Say Never".

This is the point where I give a life experience to buttress my point but I leave it up to you to think about one in your life. There was likely a goal you are yet to fulfil despite all your effort and I want you to evaluate the goal and ask yourself, "is it time to change it?"

Me

I wish I could write but having difficulty to. There is a lot in my head, a whole lot I got to clear, but the words are not there. Just the memories I wish to share but no means to put them here. This is a new chapter, this is a new me (I guess). The emancipation of Ade...the chosen 1, the 2nd Son, the 3rd born. Now let me formally introduce me...