ONCE IS ENOUGH

The image above (and I hope it is above) if from the 2013 biographical movie RUSH. Spoiler warning: All his life, James Hunt drove himself to become the Fomular 1 champion and he made it, once. After becoming World Champion, he did not feel motivated to repeat it. It felt like he became too satisfied and there was the point of winning it twice. I know at this point you probably feel that this is a motivational piece, and maybe it is. You see, I feel like James Hunt and his Fomular 1 glory when it comes to s%x. It doesn't matter how long I get you, once I have you once it is enough.

I probably mentioned it once, a vague statistics of girls I slept with based on freqency will probable look like the table below. What that means is my S%xual Law of Diminishing Returns is waaaay to fast.

By the way, it is in percentage, so do not add up the numbers and assume...anyway, it could be 5 girls I have had s%x with or 5,000, the stats shows statistics (some still won't get it).

I have decided to consciously work on this anomaly (technically speaking the stats is OK for a bachelor) and bang more girls more than three separate days to change the flow of the stats and maybe I will find a wife.<---something feels wrong with this statement.

Anyway, I am about to begin..."hey you...

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ARMED POLICE ROBBERS

I was attacked by armed robbers at that Gbagada U-turn bridge…few metres after the Mobil filling station on Saturday (June 4) at about 10:30pm.  It was surreal because of two reasons. First, I had escaped an attempt twice at that same spot and I had mentioned to my friend, who was behind the wheels, to be careful as we approached the bridge. As he drove up the bridge, I spotted a Jeep parked at the centre of the bridge and two cars drove slowly behind us. The Jeep with registration number AAA856CN began to reverse (awkwardly) and I had a lucky guess. I opened the door to run down the bush path by the side of the bridge but had not turn back. Maybe stupidity but I could not leave my guy behind.  Four men fully armed descended on us, shoved us in the back seat, and one of them drove our car. They kept ranting threats…”Kill! Money!! Now!!! Those sorts of things.  The Lexus jeep drove behind my car and we began a tour of Lagos Mainland. Anyway, we were robbed- phones stolen and the armed robbers drove to the new GTbank at Ilupeju, along Ikorodu Road to withdraw the funds in my account.  One of them  walked into the ATM to empty the account boldly. Their next destination was Surulere, driving aimlessly (I thought) because they had no idea what to do with us after they stole all we had and the fuel level was low.  They spotted an unlucky chic driving a white jeep alone on the bridge heading to Jibowu. By the way, they drove pass police checkpoints several times without being stopped #justSaying. Back to the chic in a white jeep, my car was used to obstruct hers and their Jeep parked behind her to box her in. The four guys in my car ran out and the same scenario I witnessed about two hours ago played out with the girl as the victim (Yes! We were with them for almost two hours…long story and dispense errors). They abandoned my friend and I in the car and zoomed off with their new victim. The guy that I supposed was their leader threw my key out of the window as they drove off. That was about 12:20am

I had this nasty headache as my head was hit earlier with the butt of a gun as I drove home…it was a state of disbelief. The next morning, I decided to report to the police station at Ifako and spotted a UBA debit card where one of the armed robbers sat- SAHEED BOLAJI 5199 1101 ****1419. I assumed it must be for one of them. On my way to the station, I felt this was an easy case for the police to crack. I had the registration number of the car that obstructed me in the first place; one of the robbers used the ATM which must have taken his picture, and now a debit card which might belong to any of them. One of these three variables would be a lead… I thought

(Not)surprising the officers that attended to me at Ifako police station made me feel like I wasted my time to report the case. First, I was talked to as if it was my fault. Imagine this stupid question, “Why do you walk around with your ATM card, don’t you know that you are setting yourself up?”  At that moment I had no tolerance for BS and my friend was in that same boat. As a Nigerian, I replied the question with another question. “The value of any debit card is the amount in the account which might not be up to N30,000 but most people’s phones  are more expensive than their bank balance, does that mean they should leave their phones at home?” My intention was to pen my statement and move ahead. The officer behind the counter opened his mouth and demand N5,000 to file the case. He posed a threat that if the owner of the debit card reports it stolen before I file my report that I might be in serious trouble. I will have to explain how it got to my possession and it will appear I reported the case because I had to exonerate myself (that kin BS). I had to remind him the reason I was there and that my account was emptied. I had to ask, “do you expect me to steal N5,000?” He reduced the amount to N2,000 as if it was a favour. They were damn serious to receive this amount until a mutual friend at the station paid.

The next day, I called the Inspector and he responded that there was nothing he could do because investigation will take time and money, and if I had both I should come to the station. His attempt was to convince me with his countenance that that was the end of the case and I should count my loss and thank God I was alive. I am grateful to be alive but the point these criminals have to be stopped because their activities have become rampant with careless regard. I was born and breed in Gbagada and it can reoccur and involve someone that I know.

 I mean, investigation is not hard (is it) if there is effort. For instance, it is possible the vehicle used to rob me was stolen but at least identify the owner. All the police had to do was log in on FRSC website (http://www.nvisng.org/NumberPlateVerification.aspx) to determine the owner. At least, from the platform available to the public the feedback was “Number Plate is valid and assigned to N/A Lexus Rx 330” On their platform you get the owner’s information and this is less than a minute (even if your network is as slow as …) Next was to approach GTbank for ATM CCTV footage, the last withdrawal was at 12:01am June 5^th and we can obtain the robber’s image. The inspector’s response to this suggestion was “So what should I do with the picture because I don’t recognise him or do you recognise him?” In this day and age of social media, someone will recognise him. The UBA debit card left in my car was also pushed aside, “since they don’t know the owner”.

It sucks really, because this will keep happening and we are place in a position to rather inform our relatives and friends to be careful rather than the police. By the way, I feel for whosoever buys my stolen phone Samsung phone. Stealing phones nowadays is similar to stealing GPS, you will get caught.

CAUSE YOU CAN: POWER OF CONTEXT: SUGARBELLY

CAUSE YOU CAN

4k the title, this isn't a motivational piece but a piece of my mind on people who exploit others because they can by virtue of...life. The beauty of life is everyone has a unique role to play, and the ugly aspect of that script is that some people's role is to be a subordinate (or lesser in status) to another individual in order to achieve [balance]. Now imagine the other individual is a dick head. A dick head you have to work/date/interact with in order not to blow your job...or whatever. We can only hope that if we find ourselves in the later position, we do not get exploited. So we pray for a good boss or an understanding spouse. However, the person who is "superior" pray the status quo remain. Trust me, even your boss won't want you to be their boss. I try to assume why certain [wicked] people act the way they do and that takes me back to a thought I once discussed somewhere in this blog. 

I learnt early in life two opposing reasons we do things. First, because we can and secondly because we need it. I learnt that from the random girls I met and that I saw an opportunity to smash. It kinda comes with a don feeling, meet a chic, chat her up, get her naked...orgasm. The cycle continued until a point I realized that I didn't need to smash every girl that presented herself, I only did it because I could. It was the innate craving of man to seize every opportunity and acquire everything, even those things not needed. That's why a millionaire wants to be billionaire while a billionaire wants to rule the world. The same insatiable feeling to become the President after years of being a Governor. It is also the same feeling to exploit an individual who had given you heart, body, and soul...because you can 'cause you definitely don't need it. 

This takes me to @Sugarbelly ...

POWER OF CONTEXT

This lady once referred to me as ignorant on my own blog. PAUSE...

That sentence will no doubt create an opinion. It could be positive or negative opinion about her to just label an individual [like me] "ignorant". Fact is whatever your opinion is, it would be baseless until you understood the context she referred to me as ignorant. The importance of context is sooo powerful that we will NEVER understand ourselves and the people around us until we accept that fact. 

An example I use to explain the importance to friends is the concept of personal space or proxemic rules. For instance, If you were to stand by the roadside and someone walks towards you. The person stands close to you shoulder-to-shoulder, you might be a bit uncomfortable and decide to take steps back BUT if you were to be inside a public bus with the same person standing so close, you might not even be aware of their presence. It is still the same act with only difference being context. Another instance a lady hears "let me examine your breast". She might resist if the person is a stranger [lawyer] than if the stranger is a doctor. That's why I do not attempt to "change" people. Instead, I attempt to change the environment [context] to the one that will make them do the things I want.

While environment is a strong factor in changing context, the strongest is abstract- our emotions. Either positive or negative, emotions make us do things we won't [normally] do. Things we can't explain with logic like why Romeo and Juliet commit suicide [silly teenagers]. 

I read opinions about @Sugarbelly's... narration of how a guy she once loved took advantage of her. I won't refer to it as confession because she always talked about it but the only difference was she finally decided to mention names. My own observation, especially with people who discredit her or attempt to shame her is that they applied logic and not explore the context to understand her view. Her narration was probably read as "50 Shades of Audu".  

I remember one of my friends back in school. The guy was a ladies man and had a naive chic all over him...The girl was down and ready to do whatever he wanted. He even smashed her once while we were in the same room...and this was supposed to be his girlfriend. So I am quite familiar with girls having a "I have to satisfy my guy mentality" even when being exploited.

 I will go with @Sugarbelly on this one and the reason is simple, her pain is just too real. I told a colleague at work she had been on this for years to fake it and even if she did she gets A for Effort. Plus, she tackles anyone who write stuffs that seems they took advantage of a female. So that's what earned me "ignorant". 

With that said...

Any relationship that won't make you a better person is slave trade. 

Begin with no Excuse in Mind

"Begin with the end in mind". Isn't that one of the habits of highly effective people? To apply that habit in one's career goals might be a bit straight forward, but how does that apply in relationships…how do you determine what you want in a relationship with someone you just met? As [kids], the end might be to get to the 3rd base but as we get older, third base is usually the first base so that goal becomes baseless. Relationships become complex [please note that the only factor that makes relationships complex are excuses]. So relationships become filled with excuses. Excuses about why you love A and B but want to hook up with C. Excuses about why you cannot maintain a steady relationship. Excuses about why you want to break up. To make up excuses is one of the habits of highly ineffective people. 

I do not make excuses in relationships [unnecessarily], then again I do not have a specific end in mind… [see last paragraph]. I am a guy that goes with the flow and if at any moment the girlfriend says, "We need to talk?" My response is like, "OK. Do you want to break up?..No wahala". 

I am not a though guy, maybe a bit insensitive but I know a few things I want in a relationship. One of them is to date someone that has no significant doubt about dating me. There is no point attempting to convince a partner on why she should stay in a relationship when she wants out. She must have nursed the idea for weeks and had the courage/confidence to voice it. I wrote in a previous post that the day major decisions are made and they day they were taken are not the same. They might even be months apart. If from your previous relationships you never saw the breakup coming, that is a cogent reason to accept the breakup proposal. 

I know single ladies who claim to have the end in mind before they jump into any relationship. The [potential] is assessed before they accept to be exclusive [or not] and the end to 'em is usually marriage. How sweet! The fault of my Nigeria ladies it the failure to understand that to have the end in mind is not the same as to begin with the end in mind. For instance, a tennis player might have a career goal to win Wimbledon, which is the easy part. To BEGIN with the end in mind would involve the training sessions and all those exhaustive practice to win Wimbledon. But my Nigeria ladies prefer to only have the end in mind, and then they sit it out. If they are lucky to get a husband they begin to eat it out. I met a chic once who was all prophetic about her [yet to exist] future husband. She had rehearsed the wedding in her mind which exposed her wild imagination. She also provided insight about what her family life would be like. My response was, "You actually think you deserve such with your current lifestyle".

I do not have a specific end in mind that I apply in all relationships. That is because I recognise that individuals are unique and each make me crave for things based on their personality. I meet certain girls and the end is sex, just friends, or business associate. Yet to meet a chic whose personality will make me think of marriage. They talk about it but can't act it and I am a good judge of character.

How Not To Date

Everyday you are going to meet people, men that you might not be certain of their intention apart from what they say...

As much as it will be unwise to give all a try, I will suggest you narrow your attention to the ones you are interested in...

Even when you meet someone you have interest in, I will suggest that you do not think through the relationship in your head prior to things happening...

Do not create (false) expectations. You already know what happens when you daydream of a family with a guy that hasn't proposed 

Trust your instinct at times, and when in doubt- don't 

I understand you tell me certain things because you have doubts but there are 3 main reasons I am not in any position to help effectively...

1. Whatever you tell me about the guys is based on your subjective opinion.

2. You usually leave the important details out and that makes it difficult to see the big picture.

3. You never listen

...only when it is convenient for you. 

You need to making friends out of the guys you meet. You make a mistake of giving the guy's "titles" like "prospect", "boyfriend", "the one"...

and you relate with them based on those titles

Take [your ex] for instance, he became a boyfriend without being a friend first...

That's why it is difficult for you guys to remain friends when you take the title away

Even the subsequent guys you met, you rather give them double promotion to boyfriend before they become friends...and that's why it's difficult to justify to yourself why you should consider them

So when you meet a guy, before you grant them titles please make them friends first 

3 Important Experiences you Need for a Healthy Relationship- Experience 1

Relationship is like education. In education, an individual needs to acquire the knowledge of a particular or several disciplines to aid the mastery of what was taught. This acquisition process is usually in stages and it could span decades. That's why is unusual to be awarded a Ph.d on the first day of elementary school. I believe people need to have such acquisition process in relationships. The knowledge to understand relationships is not in the classroom but rather in experiences. 

A lot of people are in messed up relationships. The become messed up themselves after the relationship is...over. At that moment, some wonder what went wrong, who was wrong, and ask "I can't believe I could be that stupid/gullible?"

Relationships are complicated [at times] but it is not rocket science. I observed people that suffer withdrawal symptoms aftermath of a wrecked relationship lacked 3 main experiences. I know that the acquisition of these experiences  will boost the self esteem and confidence of anyone in and out of the relationship. 

Experience 1: To have a strong affection towards someone that doesn't feel the same way. 

This experience is acquired early in life and mostly by guys. Such guys developed such attraction towards someone and got turned down in the most humiliating way ever. I don't include crush on celebrities, but people we are accessible to. 

The knowledge acquired is that not everyone is for everybody. The individual realise that the love for another does not translate to the feeling being reciprocated. You either become friendzoned or avoided. 

People who acquire this experience in their twenties, thirties, or forties react to such rejection with a negative approach. They tend to believe "something" must be wrong with them INSTEAD of "it wasn't meant to be". 

I Went Soft

I could assume every chic wants a strong man by her side. Someone who's capable to make her feel protected at all times. The most important quality of a strong man is to make that d!ck hard...and strong. No apologies but having all the 6 packs ain't worth sh!t if you can't maintain your 6 or 7 inches for about 30 minutes. Isn't that the real man?

Sex should be exciting, after all, "excitement stage" is included in the sexual response cycle. ‎But lately, my sex life is faaaaar from exciting. It feels like work, it feels like prelude to a cum and once I have an orgasm everything about sex irritates. 

Years ago, I watched a movie about a guy who had sex indiscriminately till it got to a stage he couldn't have an orgasm and began to fake it. ‎I know girls fake it and that's because they cum too slow but guys? I thought that part in the movie was science fiction, but lately...

A friend told me his penis went soft while fuck!ng. He didn't cum but went soft while thrusting. In his defence his mind was engrossed on how to make money. The babe got pissed and concluded she wasn't attractive enough. It felt hard to believe.

I had a similar experience; I was having sex and didn't feel it. I knew I won't have an orgasm because my d!ck wasn't excited. I asked the chic at intervals if she had an orgasm and stopped as soon as she came. 

Nowadays I had to get drunk to fu*k cause my mind wanders and stop feeling things. I am getting soft.