January 2012: What? Why? How?

January 2012 would be over in few hours but there are questions it failed to answer and probably February would do justice to them.

• What was behind the fuel subsidy removal and who constitute the Cabal?

• How did the FG convince the NLC to cancel the anti-subsidy removal strike OR how much did they offer?

• Why can't Real Madrid defeat Barcelona?

• Can a club just buy Tevez even if it was Shooting Stars of Ibadan and let him play football?

• Why did Wenger sub Oxlade-Chamberlin for Arshavin?

This isn't a question but Djokovic is the man.

Most Expensive Facebook Page/ National Sports Commission Nigeria

As you can see the page is (not) different from any other Facebook page but cost the Nigeria Government N1.2million ($8,000) to create. The page was just $8,000 more expensive than the cost of creating a typical Facebook page.
The wall is painted white which is (not) unique, as well as other features. Rumour says Zukerberg created it personally.
It seems nobody knew it existed prior to the cost of the site got into the news. The site had less that 4000 people "liking" the page and now, over 1000 people "liked" the page in 30 minutes (and growing). Maybe that was the plan.
However, you could access important information, like there is a link to the commission's website for more info(which doesn't open). Maybe it was to save cost. If N1.2 was to create a Facebook page, I wonder how much a website would cost.

Actually, this isn't the most expensive Facebook page. The honour goes to Malaysia. 
The Malaysian Tourism Ministry spent a staggering amount of close to RM1.8 million to create its official “Cuti-Cuti 1Malaysia” Facebook page. That's about $588,712.42. At least it had more pictures than the National Sports Commission Nigeria page

The $1000 Theme Song

I've heard people say, "you don't know a person's real attitude until they are rich". However, the definition of being wealthy/rich is relative. What I mean was, if it would take an individual to be worth $1,000,000 to change her/his attitude, it might take another individual $1,000 only. The later was seen in an individual with "poverty mentality" and I have a saying, "poverty has no hiding place". When an individual was broke you smell/see/feel it. Now, to the experience.
One of these new generation churches that sound like a professional exam, HICC, decided to hold a competition. The competition was about recording a theme song for the church and had a $1,000 prize money. Everyone who could talk thought they could sing (exaggeration) and recorded something. One of the members approached a producer to record the theme song he wrote. After laying the beat the producer suggested he got a female singer to voice. A female (choir)member of the congregation voiced it after demanding payment of N10,000. In 30 minutes the voicing was done and in few weeks time the song was declared the winner, yea, $1,000 ONLY. The guy WHO wrote the song was given a Naira equivalent of N150,000.
Looking at it from a professional angle, the guy had paid the babe and no need for further payment. He had invested N10,000 he used to pay her initially excluding studio cost. For the sake of goodwill he decided to give her N15,000 out of the prize money but this babe demanded N60,000. If I were to be in the guy's situation I would walk away without paying her anything after she said that. Stupidity + greed needs to be punished with avoidance. He made an attempt to make her see everyone else in the picture he had to settle but this babe believed the theme song wouldn't have won if she had not voiced it. She obviously had no idea no one was indispensable [ask Tevez]. He gave her N30,000 and she made an extra demand that he should also pay her brothers, three of 'em. For some reasons I do not see as rational, he paid the three brothers N3,000 each. That was N30,000 for the babe and N9,000 for the brothers.
This guy went home hoping it had been settled only for her to show up in his place early the next morning. She returned the N30,000 he gave her the previous night and said it wasn't enough. For more reasons I still see as irrational, he increased it to N55,000. When you sum up this amount and the previous N10,000 he paid her and the N9,000 for the brothers, this babe got N74,000. While he was left with N76,000 including other cost incurred.
I once wrote on my Facebook wall that I see a significant number of females of my generation not getting married, a guy asked me why I held such thought. This was one of the reasons. Most girls were too financially hungry for my liking and not interested in making money through hard work. What this babe doesn't know was that such actions would be used to label/judge her. I won't be surprised if she spend the money on something stupid like a Blackberry because the day she voiced the song it was a rubber band used to hold her phone together.
I would not put all the blame on the babe, the guy deserve some credit in the aspect. I would have laughed as she was making such demands and pay her N50 only to buy biscuits for her and her brothers on her way home.

Child's Play

I came across a post months ago, about how words changed in meanings and context as we grow. I remember a line that went like "when I was young, Pussy meant cat, but now...". The post suggested that these new meanings had replaced the previous one (like the one given above). What I've noticed was that the previous meaning still remain (at least to kids).
There were times Kids play or say things that made we react. I would feel like interrupting them because I interpreted what they were doing as sexually explicit + corrupt. You know kids usually play "daddy and mummy", well, there is this boy in my area that loves that. Now the problem I see was he prefered playing it with boys, "daddy and em...daddy", even his peers felt uncomfortable playing such role. He looks so innocent and to him he wasn't doing anything wrong. But I've grown to know guys like Elton John and George Michael and the way I interpreted his actions was that he was displaying gay tendencies. I don't have anything against homosexuals but I believe if there was anyway to prevent a child going down that lane then it should be done.
Another aspect I feel uncomfortable with was with the way most 3 to 5 years old dress nowadays. Maybe it had to do with my area but you see these girls wearing short skirts. I told a 5 years old once to learn to dress decent. But her face was blank as if she had no idea of the words coming out from my mouth. Truth is to them they were wearing clothes but to me if a 20 years old should wear that then she had to be in a club or a beach. You don't wear such just to buy biscuits. I feel it was more than the way they dress, I am uncomfortable with kids getting into pop culture. I heard a girl sing once, she had a very beautiful voice but I was totally not cool with the choice of song (T-Pain, "5 o'clock)..."It's 5 o' clock in the morning/ Conversation got boring/ You said you'd go into bed soon/ So I snuck off to your bedroom..." Why should a 5 year-old sing such? Anyway....#sigh
I won't deny I learn from these kids though...like how to beg with puppy dog eyes. And sometimes I want to help 'em out. Like one day I was in a bus, beside me was a woman with her kid on her lap. This kid was trying to get fed by bringing out the breast from the bra. All his techniques made me laugh, putting his hands here and there, they were so amateur. I was tempted to teach him my technique where he would have both boobs in his palms. Then I had to face reality...this kid was trying to get fed not arouse.
What I believe is as we grow we lose touch with our childhood and innocence. Child's play, thought, and speech becomes misinterpreted by us. For example, they watch a violent movie and see "red water" coming out from an individual but we see blood and believe they see it as blood. We conclude that would make them become violent but those were our thoughts.
But I envy them, I envy them because they see the world in their eyes and right and wrong is based on what makes them happy. The world had no meaning yet living was everything.

Sterlin' Bank...the One Customer [Only] Bank

I'm not a Bank person, probably because I believe the institution had the worst customer care (that is debatable once we consider MTN/Airtel/Glo/Etisalat). The first/last (and hopefully ONLY) time I was in WEMA Bank I had so much to say/write that a staff had to comment on my blog post. This time, someone requested I help deposit N1,000 into the daughter's account with Sterling Bank...the one customer bank. It was my first time of stepping into a branch. I have to mention, by the time I stepped out I was convinced they took their slogan "one customer bank" literally.
Location: Awolowo way, Ikeja.
As I stepped into the premises I noticed it had just a door into the building #ONE DOOR. I was also the only person about to get in and maybe that was the bank's idea- one customer at a time. It was weird because the banks I was familiar with experienced high influx of customers during the last opening hour of the day. The time was 10 minutes to 4 o'clock and I was the only one present. I stepped in and noticed the staff behind the counter were poorly dressed. Maybe because it was a Friday but Guarantee Trust Bank (GTB) staff dressed all days of the week as if they were going to a party. I got a deposit slip to fill and stayed on the queue which had only me on it #ONE CUSTOMER ON THE QUEUE. The guy and babe behind the counter were attending to customers #ONE GUY AND ONE BABE BEHIND THE COUNTER, I had to stand and just...look round. The bank looked like a waste of space. Spacious and not buzzing with activities. My thought had the idea of renting the space by the corner to make/sell my roasted plantain a.k.a Boli. I'll also sell recharge/call cards (everyone sells recharge/call cards). Like a minute later the floor manager (I think) began to shout "One Customer! One customer!" #SHOUT ONE CUSTOMER. The staff behind the counter began to hurry up. I was confused, probably it was a code to run or something. I took a step back and began to think of where to run if I see the staff leave the counter. The lady was the first to be through and called me to come forward. I later learnt from a staff they say/scream/shout "One customer!" when they wanted...sh!t, I've forgotten. The staff told me it had nothing to do with me.
I didn't write this to diss Sterling Bank, just don't understand why they decided to literally build a bank around a slogan. I mean, on the 19th of January 2012 their share price was N0.98 which was just two kobo less than #ONE NAIRA.

How To Stop Being a Nigerian

Thanks to GEJ I've heard frequently from Nigerians how they wished they weren't citizens of the country. I have decided to let you know how...actually looks easy but I know the "Nigeria factor" would set in. You'll probably have to bribe to renounce citizenship. Anyway, I got it from the Nigeria constitution.

Renunciation of Citizenship
29. (1) Any citizen of Nigeria of full age who wishes to renounce his Nigerian citizenship shall make a declaration in the prescribed manner for the renunciation.

(2) The President shall cause the declaration made under subsection (1) of this section to be registered and upon such registration, the person who made the declaration shall cease to be a citizen of Nigeria.

(3) The President may withhold the registration of any declaration made under subsection (1) of this section if-
(a) the declaration is made during any war in which Nigeria is physically involved; or
(b) in his opinion, it is otherwise contrary to public policy.

(4) For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section.
(a) "full age" means the age of eighteen years and above;
(b) any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age.

Subsidy Adjustment Programme {SAP}

When I talk about SAP I am not referring to the World Bank Structural Adjustment Programme BUT Subsidy Adjustment Programme. Like the former, its goal was the efficient utilization of financial resources. Since Goodluck Jonathan decided to implement policies that led to inflation, it was wise to adopt personal policies to cut spending and increase savings. This post isn't to crack anyone up, afterall, these are my experiences.
My first day at work post apocalyptic subsidy removal motivated my subsidy adjustment programme. My transport fare to/from work was N260. Now, I spent N240 just to get to work. I just had a sacarstic smile as I kept paying my fare. I decided to humble myself and become available for free rides. I leave work by six and walk to a neighbour's workplace to enjoy free ride. Who am I to complain if he leaves work 9 pm as long as it saves me money. Even people that usually pay my fare when we coincidentally board the same bus now "so ju nu" a.k.a ignore, until we alight at the bus stop and act the scene of "oh! You were in the same bus? I didn't see you."
For the first time I initiated a break up, all those unnecessary P had to be put on hold. I told the chic, "I want to break up" and she said "Don't get what you mean?" (I had no idea what the question mark at the end of the statement was for). I had to explain the obvious. Two days later she called to confirm if I was serious. I was like, "yea, I didn't stutter the first time."
I also realised if I go on like this I would have no choice than to be faithful because the cost of promiscuity is high (for now). Even my GM advised me to stay off having too m(any) girls. He was like, you see how girls are after you with the "change" you earn, wait till you start earning MONEY. Then I thought about it, maybe I try out school for a year. See if I would become a master in something.
Don't get it twisted, money didn't determine my lifestyle. These were mere changes to meet financial needs. An event occured at work that made me realise I still wasn't moved by money. A staff was supposed to give someone in my department an amount of money, 6 figures. In the person's absence the staff dropped the money on the person's table without informing anyone. The money was there wrapped with a piece of paper by the sides. My co-worker returned to find the money on the table and by the time it was counted she realised it was N10,000 short. The staff was defensive and said someone in my department must have been responsible. I knew that was the idea when the money was left carelessly on the table. The staff obviously did not bring the correct amount and created a window period where someone could be accused of stealing from the money. If I was truly motivated by money with the knowledge of the intention, I would have taken out of it and still blame it the staff. I see the staff's action as a negative Subsidy Adjustment Programme and it shouldn't be encouraged.